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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Realistically, is the main purpose of social media to show off?

116 replies

dogmad170 · 14/10/2020 22:57

Just that really.

Recently quit social media as it was severely damaging my mental health as I was constantly comparing myself to others. On reflection I don't really see the point in it all.To me it just seems like its a tool for people to use to show off how rich/forward thinking/ perfect/successful/beautiful they are.

OP posts:
LadyLoungeALot · 15/10/2020 08:22

I filter mine carefully, so I only have a close group of people on there. I have others with posts hidden.
Much easier now. I see what I want to see.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 15/10/2020 08:30

Mine isn't like that at all, but then I just block any fuckwits. Hence my feed is full of people I like, and some of them are hilarious. I have friends and family all over the world, and it's great being able to keep up with everyone, and see their news. I also have lots of cats on my feed, which is pleasant, and I keep up to date with what is happening locally. I love facebook, and don't understand all the threads moaning about it on here. If you don't like it, just don't use it surely?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/10/2020 08:39

It is also great way to connect with local businesses and for them to connect with customers.

I think in general SM are about who you surround yourself with. If your "friends" brag and lie on Facebook/insta, they are most likely quite like that in real life...

lazylinguist · 15/10/2020 08:39

It depends on the kind of people on your social media feeds. It's not like that at all for me. If it were, I'd ditch it.

But I suppose it also depends what you class as 'showing off'. For example on FB when my friend in Scotland posts pictures of her and her family canoeing on the beautiful lake near their house, it wouldn't remotely occur to me that that was showing off. I just like seeing what she's up to and am interested to see what it's like where she lives. Ditto stuff my other friends' posts.

I also use it to help with the language I'm learning- I belong to several groups where other people around the world who are learning the language post daily life stuff in the language and ask grammar questions etc. It's great and useful.

I'm only on FB and Instagram. I use Instagram basically like Pinterest, to follow accounts about my interests/hobbies. I don't post. Twitter is a cesspit - I stay well clear of it.

orchidsonabudget · 15/10/2020 08:45

Op do you not think MN is a social media site?

Generalblah · 15/10/2020 08:47

For the most part, yes. I think it varies between age groups but even taking this into account, I still think yes. I have a variety of people on Facebook (which I have also recently disabled) and for the people my age (29) it is mostly bragging and the lovely side of life. But I have people who are older who also brag just not to the same extent and keep going up in age and it’s people who are generally using it to keep in touch with people and that’s the stuff I like to see the most.

My sister who is into SM moreso than me said she saw a meme which said ‘We are a sad generation with happy pictures’ and it couldn’t be more true.

However, as much as I hate people bragging about what they have I don’t think I’d like to see people complaining either. There is some of that and I just think that people have lost all sense of privacy.

2pinkginsplease · 15/10/2020 08:49

I've got my privacy settings really high and have very little friends on mine. I do enjoy Facebook.

I use it as a photo album of family times so that family and close friends can keep up to date rather than phone calls or letters.

StCharlotte · 15/10/2020 08:55

I really like Facebook but then I don't really have any of "those" friends.

Instagram however is the devil's work.

CounsellorTroi · 15/10/2020 08:55

@cabotstove

My pet hate though is the to "my darling wife/husband etc...." what's wrong with saying it in person & the couples who tend to go in for the huge displays of affection often are the least happy ime.
Yes, this. DH and I are both on FB but don’t use it to interact with each other at all. What’s the point when you can do it in person? And yes FB is show offy. I sometimes comment on others’ statuses, sometimes share stuff I feel strongly about or think is funny but that is about it.
firstimemamma · 15/10/2020 08:59

Yanbu, I got rid of Facebook years ago and never miss it!

Icecreamsoda99 · 15/10/2020 08:59

I think Facebook is okay though I sometimes get a case of FOMO but with lockdown that hasn't happed as much as everyone stuck in doors. Instagram is just a popularity contest disguised as pretty pictures.

Bunkumum · 15/10/2020 09:05

I think I’ve just got nice, normal friends. If they do post a picture of a new car or a nice holiday then I’m not jealous. I’m genuinely pleased for them. I enjoy seeing them happy on holiday or happy on a family day out. Why do you automatically see it as them showing off? You’re not that good a friend if you’re just trying to compete.

Also, the selling pages are amazing. They stop masses of stuff entering landfill and my bin specifically.

Plus subject specific groups are great too.

I barely post anything but when I do it’s for my family and friends who I think would like an update.

ClinkyMonkey · 15/10/2020 09:12

I think it depends who your friends are! I only have a small number of people on mine and I have unfollowed one or two (but not blocked or deleted as they are family and I don't want to start World War 3) whose posts were cluttering up my timeline with irritating positive thinking memes. I know - I'm a grumpy cow. But the groups I am in are fabulous for keeping up to date on stuff and swapping info - local community groups, my eldest's school year group for parents, one for exam tips when he was going through the NI transfer test etc.

DP's sister deactivated her account because she felt so depressed about other people's lives seeming better than hers. She had also posted a few opinions on current affairs and couldn't cope when people were very vocal about disagreeing, or made her feel a bit foolish because they were more informed on the subject.

Keep it tidy and simple, weed out rubbish regularly, then it's a very useful resource.

AntiHop · 15/10/2020 09:13

That's not how I use it at all. I use it to stay in touch with family and friends, follow issues that are of interest to me and find out about local issues. I love the opportunity to hear about friends' lives that I don't get to see much/at all.

I'm careful to avoid what others might see as showing off. I don't notice other people being boastful.

cannotchange · 15/10/2020 09:19

Instagram is purely for bragging, smugness and begging

I cannot understand people who have to post a picture of themselves everyday and sit
and wait for all the likes and adoration from complete strangers

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 15/10/2020 09:29

I watched the 'social dilemma' on Netflix last month and deleted all my social media accounts, apart from Instagram, but I've put a 15 minute daily limit on it. Much happier.

I have a couple of friends who are really lovely in real life, but do seem a bit show off-y on their Facebook accounts; I hid them from my news feed when I still had an account.

Plussizejumpsuit · 15/10/2020 09:34

Really I don't think it is. I think it depends who you follow and who you are friends with. I do think lots of people use it like that though.

I use it to keep in touch with friends, the local cultural scene, get ideas, learn about stuff and support things I'm interested in. I think social media can be toxic so I'd it's not working for you that's fine. But I don't think it's toxic for everyone and it's a bit unfair to say it's all about showing off.

lazylinguist · 15/10/2020 10:40

Instagram is purely for bragging, smugness and begging

Not purely. Because not everybody uses it that way. My Instagram feed is entirely populated by knitting, crochet, journalling and interior decor, some of it commercial companies' accounts, some of it hobbyists. Obviously they are sharing stuff they've done and are pleased with. And presumably they're pleased when they get likes, but none of it comes across as smug or braggy. And none of it is begging- the companies are openly selling stuff, the hobbyists are just posting stuff for fun.

WatchTooMuchBelowDeck · 15/10/2020 11:02

For example on FB when my friend in Scotland posts pictures of her and her family canoeing on the beautiful lake near their house

Lake? Loch, surely Grin (unless it's the Lake of Menteith)

That does sound lovely though.

lazylinguist · 15/10/2020 11:09

Lake? Loch, surely

I'm English (as is she), so I call it a lake Grin. I live near lots of lakes too, so hopefully she doesn't think my photos are show-offy either!

I guess if I were miserable and living in a grim place, looking at her photos might make me sad. But that still wouldn't mean she was showing off. It would be about my feelings and state of mind. Ultimately, if social media makes you compare yourself and negatively affects your self-esteem, either ditch it or ditch the people on it whose posts are making you feel that way.

Redwolf1 · 15/10/2020 11:16

Yanbu but it doesn't have to look negative, I guess it does of you're insecure though. I have fb but use it to follow local groups/days out with the kids/school. I got rid of it over lockdown when nothing was happening and it was just people expressing opinions about covid which I didnt care about. I also have instagram but only have 30 followers. These are family and best friends. People who actually want to see what me and my kids are up to

PolarBearStrength · 15/10/2020 11:21

YANBU. Especially Instagram.

I am a member of a few really great groups on Facebook (cloth nappies, running, fitness, breastfeeding, related to some podcasts I listen to etc.) and have found support from them really helpful so it’s not ALL bad 😂

thecatsthecats · 15/10/2020 11:25

@Superfoodie123

Some of us use it for groups etc but some friends of mine particularly on Instagram use it to advertise their every outing or document every moment of their holiday. Or show photos of them looking amazing even though they've heavily touched them up. But yes mostly I agree with you its a show off platform
My friend puts up extensive photo albums on both Facebook and Instagram. Imagine having the time to do all that admin for the likes.

I have another friend who couldn't put an outfit on Instagram for some reason, so shared it with us on WhatsApp... I get that people share outfit pics, but the way she talked about it creeped me out. Like her life meant nothing without the like.

MsEllany · 15/10/2020 11:30

Not for me.

I’m in groups I’m interested in, and I have ‘friends’ on there which are from school or whatever - so just for spying purposes really Wink. I very very rarely post anything more personal than ‘phew been a busy day today’ or a new school year photo. I don’t follow any celebrities and people that post too much get unfollowed so I don’t have to see their posts anymore.

MsEllany · 15/10/2020 11:31

I do use Instagram to showcase my Sims 4 buildings but that’s not quite what you mean! Grin