AIBU to have taken an instant dislike to my daughters Counsellor?

[knitpicker]

Background- my dad age 15 has been feeling low, falling behind in school, struggling with basic ‘executive function’ and not sleeping well. Combined with a little bit of disordered eating and falling out with friends, when she asked to speak to a therapist I was happy to arrange it.
Someone was recommended to me by a friend, he passed along details of a woman specializing in adolescent mental health. The first appointment was today which I had arranged after an initial phone call on Monday.
I was mildly surprised when she didn’t ask to meet parents first, I was led to believe that was the norm. DD was just brought into her rooms, I sat outside and my only exchange with her when session was over was when she came out and sai ‘cash or card?’. She had already arranged a second session with DD - surely you should okay that with the payer first?
DD likes her so I’m ok to continue but I was really taken aback by this woman’s transactional attitude to me. Maybe her rudeness was some kind of test 😅. She’s also charging a tenet over the going rate which I’m sorry now I didn’t question.
I’m gonna suck it up for DDs sake but AIBU to be unsettled by this woman?

YABU.
It sounds like you're expecting her to talk to you instead of DD. That's not what she's there for. She's not there to interact with you. Any interaction she has with you undermines DD's feeling of trust and confidentiality. If you're paying then she will only talk to you about paying - nothing else. Any other conversation (even polite chitchat) could make DD feel that you and her are in cahoots, sharing information etc and that's bad for DD's progress.

Depends how your DD feels the session went. She’s 15, so the primary relationship is with her, really.

OP its a fantastic thing you have done for your DD.. you've got her professional help.. 🌺

yes, this is totally about dd, the counsellor has to be indifferent with you.

I wouldnt expect a counsellor to talk to parents at all. That would make therapy ineffective. She is valuing DD as a person, not someone's child. It's not about what you say her problems are, its about what she feels. But it does sound a bit rude the way she spoke to you about payment. You can still call her to discuss the price if you want. Normally this would be discussed with the client but obviously is different in this case.
No, it wont be a test. Good counsellors are genuine and transparent, not trying to test and trick you.

Is she qualified and registered? I’d think that more important than whether she made small talk over the payment.

YABU it's not about you and it's a good thing she didn't discuss it with you tbh. Shows she respects your daughter's privacy. Would you expect her to discuss your mental health with your husband if he was the only earner?

I think if you are astute and the woman is offish to
you that’s unnecessary and I wouldn’t be thrilled. If you are paying over the odds what are her qualifications. Counsellor is not a protected term like psychologist and if I was paying loads I’d want to check that carefully. I do think it’s brilliant your DD is get so open to getting support and you are willing to facilitate that but not all counsellors are good so keep an eye on things.

Just an aside, please please please please please check her qualifications and DBS etc. Nothing in your post suggests to me that she's not genuine but there are so many very dangerous "therapists" out there who are just random women who love controlling others.

I am sure it must be difficult when your daughter is still young but I
have done some person-centred counselling training and wouldn't expect the counsellor to talk to you other than very briefly or invite you in. I think by keeping the conversation with you brief it sounds like they were ensuring your daughter wouldn't think she was being talked about. I know from experience how hard it can be but I think it's great that you got her help quickly and I imagine you have got very good help if your daughter likes her and wants to see her again. Hope she feels better soon, school can be very hard for young people at times

I would listen to your instincts, tbh. While there’s is confidentiality, she should still be talking with you and including you in the logistics of the care plan. How many sessions needed, how much it would cost, any changes needed in the family routine etc.

Hmmm, tough one. You do sound like you don't want to like her from the start though. She is your DD therapist not yours, and yes your DD is minor, but she still deserve some patient/Dr confidentialty.

Rude! Did she smell of fabric softener?

Thanks for the quick responses- I honestly never thought to check her credentials because she was recommended. Is it too late because DD does like her so as I said, happy to stick with her.
I genuinely didn’t expect a debrief - I completely get how that would be undermining to DD. I suppose just some niceties along the lines of ‘ok we got on well, I’d like to keep seeing her if that’s alright, we’ve talked about same time next week’. Instead of ‘cash or card’ - I was taken aback, it just seemed so rude.
Also, I was told by other people with more experience that the counsellor would meet parents first to form a picture of home life, issues etc. as it happens DDs two older brothers are both diagnosed ASD and ADD and she has some ADD tendencies. Surely info like this should be sought? I didn’t want to prejudice proceedings by volunteering lots of info but surely some background and Co text is valuable.

*context!

There is no reason she couldn't have both OP and daughter in the room together and discussed the logistics of the care plan.

Raise your issues with her and ask if it’s normal for her. Different counsellors work in different ways. What you’ve said doesn’t sound wrong to me, although I can understand why you’d feel put out.

I’d also second the suggestion of checking her registration and qualifications.

Yes still check she's appropriately qualified- there are a LOT of fakes out there who will do more damage than good

Surely your daughter can provide the information that she feels is relevant to her. Meeting with parents can be right for some young people but can be really the wrong thing for others.

@Trut

There is no reason she couldn't have both OP and daughter in the room together and discussed the logistics of the care plan.

Yes there is. The reason is that DD needs to trust completely that the counsellor will keep everything she says confidential. Interaction between OP and the counsellor undermines that belief. If you were a child and your mum's friend wanted a chat with you, would you believe it was not going to be passed on to your mum? What if they promised not to tell her? Would you really believe that no matter what you said, they'd keep your secret? The counsellor shouldn't be speaking to OP at all. Unfortunately, she has to because OP is paying.

Why would she chat to parents first about home life etc, your view could be completely different to DDs.

You also have to remember age 12 is the age of consent if it is deemed suitable. She can go get contraception without you and still be entitled to confidentiality. This is exactly the same.

Young people have to trust their therapists won't be discussing them with parents or working 'for' them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what she said in itself.

If you want to be involved see a systemic/family therapist instead

Dd saw a private clinical child psychologist at 13.
I went alone the first session to explain what was going on. After that dd went in alone and then I nipped in at the end for a few minutes when dd came down.
The same happened when she later saw camhs.
Sessions were confidential between dd and the therapist it was just a brief outline of where they were at.
Your dd is a little older but still a child so I would expect some communication, especially after the first session. They always make sure that child and parent know that sessions are confidential unless there is a safeguarding issue that the parent needs to be aware of.

Thanks everyone. I agree that the important thing is dd likes her. DD is super chatty though and told me a lot of what they discussed- without me asking mind.