AIBU to have taken an instant dislike to my daughters Counsellor?

[knitpicker]

Background- my dad age 15 has been feeling low, falling behind in school, struggling with basic ‘executive function’ and not sleeping well. Combined with a little bit of disordered eating and falling out with friends, when she asked to speak to a therapist I was happy to arrange it.
Someone was recommended to me by a friend, he passed along details of a woman specializing in adolescent mental health. The first appointment was today which I had arranged after an initial phone call on Monday.
I was mildly surprised when she didn’t ask to meet parents first, I was led to believe that was the norm. DD was just brought into her rooms, I sat outside and my only exchange with her when session was over was when she came out and sai ‘cash or card?’. She had already arranged a second session with DD - surely you should okay that with the payer first?
DD likes her so I’m ok to continue but I was really taken aback by this woman’s transactional attitude to me. Maybe her rudeness was some kind of test 😅. She’s also charging a tenet over the going rate which I’m sorry now I didn’t question.
I’m gonna suck it up for DDs sake but AIBU to be unsettled by this woman?

@combatbarbie

Why would she chat to parents first about home life etc, your view could be completely different to DDs.

You also have to remember age 12 is the age of consent if it is deemed suitable. She can go get contraception without you and still be entitled to confidentiality. This is exactly the same.

No the age of 2# is not the age of consent. The age of consent for children is assessed on an individual basis with due consideration of their ability to understand and retain the options, risks and benefits.

Contraception cannot be given to 12 year olds without an automatic safeguarding referral being made. At 13 most youngsters would be referred via safeguarding.
The guidance also requires professionals seeking consent to encourage the child to involve their parents.

TBH it would put me off. I don't mind the sessions being confidential, but some counsellors are idiots and are as likely to cause issues as help them. It's the job of the parent to vet these kinds of people because 15 year olds don't have the experience or skills.

@CherryPavola, I didn't say a 12yr old would get contraception. I said consent can be taken from age 12. At 15 her daughter can go get contraception and parents be none the wiser.

I have sought counselling for two under 16's and this is very rude and unusual. Usually you are the one mediating setting it up and arranging payment, and whilst I wouldn't expect to be briefed and so forth, the counsellors I've had experience with have tried to keep things pleasant and inclusive so that the family is not excluded if big stuff like self-harm or feeling suicidal becomes on the table, there's a dialogue there as actually, if they feel the child is in danger, they would report, even if over 12/13.

To come out and say 'card or cash' is just incredibly impolite, but on the off-chance this counsellor has got hold of the wrong end of the stick and is trying to give off unsubtle hints about it being private (which she could actually just state out loud, not in a passive aggressive implied way) then I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Also, if your dd likes her and wants to go back, that's a big plus.

Not all counsellors are great, some are really quite rubbish at stuff that seems like basic counselling to me, but there you are, there's some fab life-saver ones out there too. I've never had one speak to me like that though and I've had quite a few contacts with them to set up teen work.

Also, usually doctors or health professionals often try to engage parents even when the children are under 16, if that's an option, or ask the children if they would like to involve them. They don't rudely shut the door on them! If the child is desperate for the parents not to know, they may well keep the parents away, but it's not a default that parents are ignored and sidelined, well, they shouldn't be as they are clearly involved in the context of the child's life (e.g. if there was a contraception failure) and safeguarding contact parents even with age 16 year olds even for psychiatric issues, all kinds, it's not age 12 and on your own unless there's good reasons for that.

[quote combatbarbie]@CherryPavola, I didn't say a 12yr old would get contraception. I said consent can be taken from age 12. At 15 her daughter can go get contraception and parents be none the wiser.

[/quote]
Not quite true. A child of any age can give consent. There is no legal right at 12. Nothing changes legally at 12. Whether that consent is valid depends on what they are consenting to and their ability to understand. The presumption for children under 16 is that parents will provide consent. Children’s refusal to consent can overall that but that is very different from giving consent.

Over fifteens still have the same rights and restrictions. The guidance is not age differentiated until the child reaches sixteen when there is a presumption of competence to consent. Many can and do seek contraception without parental knowledge, but the guidance still requires professionals to assess their ability to understand options, risks and benefits and to encourage parental involvement. There should still be recorded consideration of any safeguarding issues. There is no automatic assumption a fifteen year old can consent.

I’m a counsellor, specialising in working with young people.

I always meet with the young person and the parent/s or carers on the first session for numerous reasons.

I throughly explain about confidentiality and the whole process. I’m not surprised you’re feeling uneasy.

Check for her details on the counselling directory / bacp website and speak to her maybe.

I feel I have a good relationship with all my parents and they update me occasionally with relevant information that it’s important that I know.

Take care and good luck to you both 😊

Can't DD give her the context re ADD etc?

The Therapist Is for you dd, not you. They are trying to build trust with your dd & do not have to tell parents anything unless their child is in imminent danger. Try to be grateful that your dd is getting on with her therapist.

Is it too late because DD does like her so as I said, happy to stick with her.

It really is not. You don't want a random councillor you want an appropriately qualified professional with DBS and relevant, up to date accreditation.

A well meaning 'councellor' with no real qualifications giving a potentially non-neurotypical 15 YO their best try could do a shit load of harm.

Check to be on the safe side.

Another person who has provided a lot of therapy to teens.
Yes the sessions need to be confidential within CP boundaries but we always met with parents either first or jointly at the start of the work to set out how the sessions worked, confidentiality agreements, how long the service would run to until review etc.
I wanted parents as well as dc to feel confident to contact me if something was concerning them.

Perhaps she's found when dealing with teenagers they're more open with her if they feel she's not really communicating with their parents. The therapist might promise confidentiality or your DD might not mind her therapist chatting with you but it could make some teenagers less willing to engage.

Yes I would check he's qualified and DBS checked though.

I just can't imagine feeling confident about the individual without having a chat with them. I know a child psychologist socially, lovely lady but I wouldn't let her near my child in a professional capacity under pretty much any circumstances. And she is accredited and all the rest.

The poster saying theres no reason why the parent and child couldn't be in the room together discussing a care plan was obviously never in therapy as a teen. I was. My therapist never once spoke to my parents nor would i have wanted her to. The teen is the client and everything is discussed with them. The parent paying is of no importance, either they choose to keep paying for as long as their child needs the therapy, or, they dont care about their childs mental health that much that they would willingly stop paying (if they can afford it) just because they dont like the therapist.

Dd15 had councelling during lockdown, so obviously this was over the phone.
The counsellor would speak to dd for the session and then to me for a debrief for 10 mins afterwards. The counsellor never told me of the content of their conversations, just roughly the issues that they had discussed but there was never any personal info shared.
This was we were kept in the loop but dds privacy was never breached.
I would expect some kind of communication with the parent really.