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Original poster

Is gambling £5 a day on bets bad?

47 replies

DisneyBaby · 14/10/2020 17:36

My husband thinks it's acceptable to gamble £5 a day on bets, sometimes more on the weekends.
All our money is joint, we don't have separate money because when we used to have separate money several years ago, he would never have any of his left to save for anything because of betting.
I think he has a problem because he goes in a cycle from betting a little to betting a fair bit to not betting at all when I have had a massive row with him over it, and we are in a never ending cycle of this happening!
He doesn't think £5 a day is a lot to bet, but that's £150 a month, which I think is a lot! Plus he does extra weekend bets too!
At his worst, he was betting up to £50 a time, and at one point a few years ago he was actually withdrawing cash from a credit card to bet money that he didn't have, so it's not that bad at the moment, but £150 a month is bad enough for me.
We are married and I've always been traditional with the 'what's mine in yours' view, so I don't really want to go back to having separate money. But I feel controlling by saying he can't spend money doing why he wants to do.
What do you ladies think?? TIA

OP posts:
Cassilis · 14/10/2020 17:41

The only gambling I’ve ever done is the lottery and the work sweepstake so I would hate the thought of £150 family money being pissed away each month.

I’m not sure how you would put a stop to this, but as a starter you need to take the exact amount of money and put it in your personal savings account or spend as you wish.

DH and I have separate savings accounts and a joint one. He earns more but spends more on crap so I refuse to pool all savings with him.

Stabbitha · 14/10/2020 17:44

I thought my tenner on bingo on payday each month was bad.

That's a lot.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/10/2020 17:46

Nearly 2 grand a year??!!! Bloody hell!
Even if not the money, perhaps you can afford it, it’s the idea he can’t go a day without gambling. Still an issue!

OhioOhioOhio · 14/10/2020 17:46

Put the total annual amount into the mortgage overpayment calculator and work out how much more quickly, by years, you'd overpay your mortgage if you spent it on that. I couldn't respect that. Sorry.

IDontMindMarmite · 14/10/2020 17:46

It honestly amazes me how much money people are happy to fritter away on something with absolutely zero tangible benefit. It's like cigarettes. Just why?
£1800 a year. Wow. You can afford to burn that op?

bluebluezoo · 14/10/2020 17:47

It depends.

If £150 a month is a big dent in your budget, then yes, it’s bad.

If you can afford it then no, it isn’t.

My mil must spend at least £5 a day in lottery scratchcards. She is on a decent pension and can afford it.

Did have to stop her trying to give young dc a tenner for a go though 🙄

NotOfThisWorld · 14/10/2020 17:49

Doing it every day is a bit worrying. Even if it's affordable to you it's not usual to bet every single day as a hobbie and I'd worry it will escalate beyond that.

Terrace58 · 14/10/2020 17:50

It depends on your household budget.

But in general, that is a lot to spend on gambling, especially since he clearly has addictive tendencies given past behavior. So even if you are billionaires, it would be fair to expect him to stop.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 14/10/2020 17:54

Any amount of gambling would be too much for me. Daily gambling is a definite no.

BLASTPROCESSING · 14/10/2020 17:59

I'd be more concerned about him having previous for increasing his stakes significantly and running up credit card debt through gambling.

yelyah22 · 14/10/2020 18:05

It's not how much he spends, it's that he's got a gambling addiction - to the point where you talk to him about it, he promises to quit, and then carries on. Would you think it was okay if an alcoholic or a drug addict did that? Because £150 a month could be next to no money for some people, but, just like someone 'only' spending £150 a month on bottles of gin, if they're drinking every night and can't give up, to the point of arguments, there's an addiction there. And addictions escalate, and ruin relationships.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 14/10/2020 18:09

£1800 a year would pay for a holiday for me and the dc.

£18,000 in ten years is a very decent brand new car.

£45,000 over the course of 25 years is more than I have outstanding on my mortgage.

I live simply, having spent years skint, divorced and single with little support. I don't smoke, I rarely drink and takeaway is a real treat, but within our budget. To me it's a lot of money. To others it's less than they spend on smoking, or drinking, or eating out. Is it making a big dent in your household income?

His refusal to discuss it would be a huge Red flag, and if it is forcing you to go without, then it would be a deal breaker.

safariboot · 14/10/2020 18:15

All our money is joint, we don't have separate money because when we used to have separate money several years ago, he would never have any of his left to save for anything because of betting.

That's exactly why you need separate accounts.

He has a history of problem gambling. He might have it under control (ish) now, but he's at a high risk of relapsing, blowing the whole family budget and leaving you and any children in the shit.

Start building your own safety fund now, and stop having "all money joint" as soon as you can. He can gamble out of his own discretionary spending, not out of the family budget!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 14/10/2020 18:17

I don't the knots that bad 🤷‍♀️ some people spend £5 a day on chocolate. At least he'll have some wins

Howlooseisyourgoose · 14/10/2020 18:20

some people spend £5 a day on chocolate.

Shock
ktp100 · 14/10/2020 18:23

Do you get 150 quid a month to piss up the wall?

Talk about wasting family money.

MissConductUS · 14/10/2020 18:24

It's such a losing game. If you have DC think about how that would add up to help with their uni costs or house deposit. It's just not a reasonable expense.

gobbynorthernbird · 14/10/2020 18:28

He's an addict. Can you live with/like this?

Frankola · 14/10/2020 18:31

How and why are you putting up with this?!

He is wasting so much money. I'd also be concerned he has a real problem which will cause a real dent in your trust in him.

Coffeeoverload · 14/10/2020 18:32

Send him this to play around with how much compound interest could get him if he invests it instead www.thecalculatorsite.com/finance/calculators/compoundinterestcalculator.php

earthtopluto · 14/10/2020 18:48

£1800 a year OP. Let that sink in!

RaininSummer · 14/10/2020 19:01

Bad habit. OK if he wins to cover it but obviously he doesn't (and won't) or he wouldn't need a fiver a day. But, as someone said, others merrily spend that daily on chocolate or booze or cigarettes so it depends on the family budget. Obviously this is outside of the amount your family knows is available for leisure frittering

TheyreComingToGetYouBarbara · 14/10/2020 19:18

That would bother me, but I think gambling and lottery are a stupid waste of money. Even if it's a small amount, to me it will always be a waste. £5 a day adds up to a lot, as you've said yourself.

The bigger issue is that he seems likely to be prone to a gambling addiction. If you have an addictive personality, you really have to keep things under a tight rein or they can spiral out of control. For many, that means quitting completely.

On the other hand, to play devil's advocate, if you're living within your means, you should be allowed a certain amount of "fun money". You could suggest budgeting a certain amount per month, for each person to spend as they see fit. Whether he gambles it or saves up to buy something is up to him, but once his monthly allowance is gone, it's gone. No more dipping into the well until next month rolls around.

This only works if you both agree to it and are disciplined enough to not spend beyond the agreed-upon limit, though, and that seems unlikely.

jetadore · 14/10/2020 19:21

he would never have any of his left to save for anything because of betting.

Yes he's got a problem. £5 a day isn't a big deal if you can afford it and can stop whenever you want. Doesn't sound like that's the case here. Get him help, it's a mug's game and bookies are fucking parasites.

MadeForThis · 14/10/2020 19:29

The £5 per day isn't the problem.

The problem is that he can't stop. And he lies to you about it.

If you want to stay with him you need to give him an ultimatum. He needs to get help. And you should take control of all the finances.

Do a credit check on you both as well.

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