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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was a bit over the top on the road today?

100 replies

SweetCherryPie · 12/10/2007 16:17

On my way home i miss judges this womans speed and pulled out of a side road. She beeped me and i put my hand up to say sorry, my fault.

She then came right up to my bumper in a temper and i put my brake lights on to say "back off" and she backed off a little bit.

Then she decided to try and over take me but bottled it because other cars were coming towards her the other way. I know it's annoying when someone pulls out infront of you and i didn't do it on purpose. I think she over reacted especially as i had my baby in the car and a sticker saying 'baby on board.'

OP posts:
ChantillyLace · 12/10/2007 17:41

We do over-react in situations like that. Maybe she had a baby in her car and that's why she got SO cross at you. Who knows?

Baby on board stickers are a waste of time and they have been proven to be dangerous as they obscure the rear view, especially the ones I've seen that have 2 (or more) hanging in the window. As someone has said they are not there for the emergency services. It is an Urban Myth.

It obviously spooked you though so sorry to hear you were shaken up.

As a motorbike rider I am amazed by the number of people who think they can judge speed, and I am also amazed that I am still here to tell the tale! Coming off a motorbike is no fun and have to say I blew my top completelylast time I was knocked off.

PieMama2007 · 12/10/2007 17:48

Shame on anyone who won't let a person out of a side road. Sometimes you have to pull out a bit sharp-ish when you've been waiting for ages and no burger lets you out - if you cut it a bit fine but apologise, that should be enough. Must be a sign of repressed psychological issues if the other person won't let it go - how sad.

LittleBella · 12/10/2007 17:50

Er, how does driving up someone's arse constitute a reasonable response to someone making a mistake?

Honestly, some of you people are arseholes, really you are. If someone makes a mistake, they make a mistake. If you then drive up their arse to "make a point", and then a pedestrian runs out in front of them so they have to do an emergency stop, causing you to go into their car and kill their baby, do you really think that's all fine and dandy?

Grow the fuck up.

raspberryberet · 12/10/2007 17:53

I didn't condone what the other woman did, HMC. She over-reacted, and has to take some of the blame.

But so does SCP. It was her own fault that she didn't judge the road properly, it was her fault that the other driver had to brake sharply, and if her child was put into danger then that was her fault too.

We can't expect other drivers to consider the children in our cars if we're not prepared to consider them before making stupid manoeuvres.

LittleBella · 12/10/2007 17:56

Where in the highway code does it say that if another driver does something stupid on the road, you too should do something stupid to make a point?

Which page?

Bouncingturtle · 12/10/2007 18:02

One of the question on the new theory test goes something like this.

What do you do if someone pulls out in front of you suddenly, causing you to brake?

The only possible answer is - to do nothing, continue driving in a safe, controlled manner.

Yes the OP was wrong to pull out (I hope you will be more careful in future - count yourself lucky that lady was quick on her brakes!) but the reaction from the other driver was completely OTT.

And yes Baby on Board signs serve 2 functions.
a) To part you from your money.
b) to clutter your rear view which is NOT a good idea.
They certainly aren't there to aid the emergency services - believe me the emergency services do not need these signs to find out if a child is in a car. Especially because no-one ever takes them out when they haven't got a child in the car!

BackToSleepPlease · 12/10/2007 18:05

"She then came right up to my bumper in a temper and i put my brake lights on to say "back off" and she backed off a little bit. "

That was the right thing to do re. showing your brake lights, its called "braking for two". The alternative would be to speed up to increase the gap behind you, but that could just encourage them to speed up in order to keep up with you. This is obviously very dangerous as it would mean two cars probably going over the speed limit with an inadequate stopping distance between them so to the poster saying she braked for no reason, there was a very good reason for it.

LazyLinePUMPKINJane · 12/10/2007 18:11

Regardless of what the OP did though, tailgating someone and overtaking unnecessarily in an angry manner are stupid things to do.

Yes, a waved hand does not take away the action, and maybe the OP did something really dangerous. But acting like a loon and a twunt don't make anything better. A quick flash of the lights would have got the message across.

wheresthehamster · 12/10/2007 18:14

BouncingTurtle the signs were originally designed for the emergency services to look for a baby as it could have been flung a considerable distance outside the normal search zone. This is what I was told years ago by a Paramedic friend.

ChantillyLace · 12/10/2007 18:14

Agree with that, when I lost my cool we were standing facing each other. I definitely agree that angry driving is not the way to react!

Eve · 12/10/2007 18:16

there was a letter in the times motoring section months ago following a debate about baby stickers, saying the saddest funeral the minister had taken was for a baby missed in an accident. Found in the car 3 days later.

....though ...might not necessarily have been true.

ChantillyLace · 12/10/2007 18:16

That agreement was with Pumpkin by the way.

The baby signs were never intended for emergency services, I used to work for the Ambulance service and they were definitelynot to make our lives easier.

CaptainUnderpants · 12/10/2007 18:16

The womans reaction was a bit OTT - a bit like some of the responses on here - LittleBella

BackToSleepPlease · 12/10/2007 18:16

"she came up to your bumper (dangerous, intimidating thing to do), you put on your brakes to frighten her (ditto dangerous, intimidating thing to do). " paolosgirl 17:13:57

that was the post i was referring to by the way

exactly what should she have done instead of braking?

CaptainUnderpants · 12/10/2007 18:18

I have flicked my rear fog lights on before now to imitate braking when someone has been a bit too close .

ChantillyLace · 12/10/2007 18:18

A baby seat is a good indication to the services, though if they're not in one....but that's a whole other thread that has been thrashed many times on MN.

In a poll, and I can't remember where, the signs were actually considered to beantagonistic to other drivers, even ones with kids of their own found them annoying.

Megsdaughter · 12/10/2007 18:38

As a CM, I have a sign on the back of my car (well minibus) which says

Childminder on board Emergancy Details on Reverse.

On the reverse is my emergancy contact number, she has all the parents numbers. and DH's number.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 12/10/2007 19:00

i was told you shouldnt brake if someone is drivi9ng up your butt. just carry on as normal.

littleducks · 12/10/2007 19:14

Im not sure why they were developed but ime emergency services do use those signs, altough perhaps less nowadays about 6 years ago bil had a bad accident causing him to go off an elevated section into a field below, car was obv not in a good state he had baby on board sticker, the first thing emergency services said when they could speak to him was "is there a baby in the car" presumerably as they had seen the sticker but couldnt find one.

Thankfully there was no baby on board and really he should have removed the sticker but that is beside the point now.

bookwormmum · 12/10/2007 19:20

It's best to let it go - I would have probably pulled over to let her go past if she was so anxious to get ahead of me.

paolosgirl · 12/10/2007 19:22

What you do in that situation BacktoSleep is as follows. More information is available on the Safe Speed website at www.safespeed.org.uk/tailgate.html

Do not try to teach him a lesson.
Do not increase the stress of the situation.
Do not flash your brake lights.
Do not brake.
Do not use the tactic of gradually slowing and accelerating to annoy him into leaving a larger gap.
Do not try to slow him down.
Do not make it difficult for him to overtake.
Do not drive erratically in the belief that doing so might persuade him to leave a larger gap.

Beelliesebub · 12/10/2007 19:25

Where I live there's an epidemic of people that dangerously cut you up by pulling out in front of you at break neck speeds, to then continue at 20mph, even though they manged to pullout of the turning at 40mph and it really, really pisses me off, I mean, what the point??? Why not wait till there's nothing coming and then pull out and go as slow as they like???
Anyway... I know you mis-judged and all that but to be honest, if you'd pulled out in front of me and then proceded to brake I would have got the impression that you were being funny with me, which if I'm truthful, would have made me get a tad arsey... after all I'm only human! Having said that, I don't make a habit of tailgaiting and I am normally a very well adjusted person with no homicidal tendancies at all!

scarybee · 12/10/2007 20:08

I think you're both in the wrong. Yeah, she was over the top and I really hate aggressive drivers who drive too close to my arse but if you really were doing 5mph like you say, I'd have been irritated too (although I wouldn't have tailgated because that is stupid).

But anyway - what I don't get about the baby on board stickers is how come the one part of the very badly mangled car (which is always used as the example of why the stickers are a good idea) which remains undamaged is the bit where the baby on board sticker is? Surely a car which is mangled so badly so that even a baby seat is invisible to the rescuers is unlikely to have a 4 inch square of the rear window intact?

BackToSleepPlease · 12/10/2007 20:24

"Traffic is dense. You can't stop, pull left or turn off for a while (no lay-bys, junctions etc.). In this case double the gap in front and "drive for him". You were originally leaving a safe two second gap. While the tailgater is stuck behind you leave a four second gap. Now, if something goes wrong in front you can brake very gently for two seconds to warn the twerp behind of the danger. You "pass back" your spare two seconds to the tailgater. Two vehicles with a four second gap in front is almost as good as two vehicles who both have two second gaps." )From the website you linked to)

Thats what I meant, so maybe not braking necessarily but slowing down to increase the gap in front, IYSWIM? :-)

xXxamyxXx · 12/10/2007 20:43

some people get bad road rage i had someone nearly go into my car his fault i had complete right of way i didnt beep just stayed came as i pulled my brakes to avoid a crash and when i went by him he wagged his finger at me like i was a bold child he was in the bloody wrong