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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my job and have a second “maternity leave”?

77 replies

Emlovesgin · 13/10/2020 19:30

I had my first baby 4 weeks before lockdown.

I’m due back to work in January. I’m really considering not going back and taking another year off.

I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much with my baby due to Covid.

Obviously we’ve had so much lovely time at home together, but there was so much we had planned to do during my maternity leave which we haven’t been able to do.

There’s still family who haven’t been able to meet her. We’ve had to cancel a holiday we had booked.

I fall into the vulnerable category, I’m 32, BMI of 37 and I have asthma.

I don’t feel comfortable going to the baby classes that are recently open because I’m too worried about becoming severely ill.

I’m so hoping that things will improve by next year and it will mean I’m able to enjoy time with my daughter and husband without all of these awful restrictions in place and the fear of Covid.

Financially we can afford for me not to go back to work for a year.

Would I be stupid to give up my job?

OP posts:

PullTheBricksDown · 13/10/2020 20:44

You'll lose the first six months at least to continuing Covid issues and then settling back to more like normal. Won't be worth it. Would your organisation let you take a year off unpaid later with the option to return? Some public sector organisations will.

Fatted · 13/10/2020 20:47

You're being ridiculous OP. A lot of people don't get the maternity leave they wanted, even before covid. I had an emergency c section, post natal depression and then had to go back to work after six months off. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows.

If you decide to take next year off, accept that it probably won't be much better regarding covid. Also accept that you probably won't be able to get a job when you decide you want to go back to work.

If you want to have another child, you will benefit more from giving up work/going part time with two kids due to childcare costs.

SummerHouse · 13/10/2020 20:56

Hey op. I would go back. Absolutely understand your feelings but you have at least 12 years where this baby will see you as their world and touch wood most of those years will not be restricted by covid. You could look for another position that's part time, take a career break, go off again on maternity with a second... But for now I would go back, bide my time and keep my eyes peeled. Otherwise you may have to pay back some mat pay and be even more out of pocket.

CeibaTree · 13/10/2020 20:58

What industry are you in OP - how sure can you be of getting another job in a year's time? Especially with the coming recession..

Inkpaperstars · 13/10/2020 21:00

I would take into account the following and see how they influence things before deciding.

How much do you like your job or find the hours/pay/location good? It could be hard to find another similar if those are really good. How would you manage if you couldn't find other work after a year, including if you have another child without any maternity pay second time around? Long term can you manage on one salary or with you in lower pay? Will it still be a worthwhile decision for you if next year isn't much different in terms of covid and restrictions? Not a pleasant thought, but has to be taken into account.

TibetanTerrier · 13/10/2020 21:08

@Florencex

You are not “vulnerable”. A BMI and asthma does not make you vulnerable. But if you want an extra year off and can afford it, plus afford any extended time off whilst you job hunt in a years time, then why not.

Actually she is vulnerable. Those considered to be "Clinically Vulnerable" to Covid include those who "have a lung condition that's not severe (such as asthma, COPD, emphysema or bronchitis)". (NHS Website)

Hollyhead · 13/10/2020 21:10

To be honest other than a holiday and seeing people for most people maternity leave is a lot of just staying in the house. You might have found baby groups shit, because lots of people I know found they were very overrated. Go back to work keep your financial security and enjoy your weekends.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 13/10/2020 21:11

I'm with all those who say next year may be no better! I, certainly not expecting 2021 to be much better, only difference will be we are more used to it.

If you can afford not to return and you can support yourself, go for it. In my opinion you are leaving yourself financially vulnerable though at a time when the economy is headed in the wrong direction.

Canyousewcushions · 13/10/2020 21:12

I think you would be unreasonable to give up a job on the basis that you feel you missed out on the mat leave you were hoping for. As others have said, there are no promised things will get better for a while yet so there's a high risk you could end up broke and miserable.

You wouldn't be unreasonable to give up your job because you want to spend time with your baby while they are little, with no expectations of baby groups etc, though in the current climate getting a new job may not be easy for the next few years. You also wouldn't be unreasonable to find a part time job elsewhere. It's the expectations that makes your plan very risky from what you've said.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 13/10/2020 21:17

I think you'd be mad to give up your job in the current economic climate if you can't afford to be out of the workplace comfortably for long. It's only going to get worse for the foreseeable ... covid AND Brexit is looming. And everything is going up in price, too.

Changedmynameagain1 · 13/10/2020 21:25

Can you take a career break or unpaid leave? In the current client I wouldn’t give up a job!

Your maternity leave might not have been as you expected it but baby groups aren’t the be all end all!

I never went to any with my two, actually tell a lie I did go to one or two with my first but it wasn’t my cup of tea.

I spent longs walks out with the pram, cups of coffee at costa. All things that can still be done during lockdown. The thing I loved the most was watching rubbish TV relaxing at home!

I think you’d be foolish to give your job up....and being realistic if you do it might be very hard to find another.

BojoKilledMyMojo · 13/10/2020 21:28

It isn't what I'd choose.

I think if you're not planning on giving up work for the long term it probably pays to keep your toe in so I'd drop down to part time if possible.

I also don't think things will be back to normal any time soon, so I wouldn't make a big decision like leaving my job on the presumption of how things might be.

Original poster

emlovesgin · 13/10/2020 21:30

I don’t get any enhanced maternity pay, I only get ssp.

I’m not very career focused to be honest. It’s just a job. Sorry but that all it is for me.

I’d much rather be at home with my baby wether we get to go to baby classes or not makes no difference really. If we can then it’s a bonus.

I think I the thought of going back to work during a pandemic when I don’t HAVE to is awful.

We do have savings but even without those we could comfortably manage on my husband wage.

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 13/10/2020 21:31

I wouldn't give up work in Jan to have a second maternity leave. I imagine we will have a restricted time for a good part of 2021 so you would 'waste' the time. I would return to work and consider it later.

Also, whilst I feel for people on maternity leave now, I think you need to be careful not to over-romanticise it. Things like baby groups are mainly a way of socialising with a baby. They fulfil a great purpose, reducing loneliness etc, but aren't that fun in themselves. Many people who have had a 'normal' maternity leave don't find it that amazing. Do you plan to have another baby? That would give you another chance.

ferntwist · 13/10/2020 21:32

Go for it! Time spent with your little one is precious. You’ll never get back that year of their life if you spend it working.

Waveysnail · 13/10/2020 21:32

If you can afford not to go back to work. With high u employment you may not get another. Is your partner happy and has a secure ish job? Next year isnt going to be much different so I wouldnt use that as an excuse or reason

Changedmynameagain1 · 13/10/2020 21:34

I think also it’s just first baby blues about going back to work, with my first I had as long as I could take off... 13.5 months and hated every moment I was back at work.
With my 2nd I only took 6 months off- I went back to work as lockdown struck and best decision I made! I found maternity leave a bit boring 2nd time around...... it’s a common theme with those I’ve spoken too.

So your thoughts might not really be covid related.... just the dreaded thought of having to go back with your first?

BendingSpoons · 13/10/2020 21:34

I think I cross posted with a name change? If your OP is really 'would I be unreasonable to give up a job I don't like because I would rather be at home with my baby' then that's a different question and I'd say go for it!

MintyMabel · 13/10/2020 21:35

If you want to be a SAHM for longer, leave your job. I’m not sure why the changed circumstances of your maternity leave are relevant.

Spending the first nearly half of mine in NNICU wasn’t what I’d expected either, it never occurred to me to take another 6 months off.

OvertiredandConfused · 13/10/2020 21:36

I’d go back but, if you can afford it, plan to take a career break before just before your DC starts school.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/10/2020 21:40

See if you can take parental leave or whatever it's called instead of giving up your job - legally you can take a certain amount before your child is 18. My husband took a month off to tag on my second maternity leave as we were unable to share it the second time. You would still be employed so easier to go back.

But the things you said you want to do - baby classes, meeting relatives, going on holiday can still be done around work

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/10/2020 21:41

Ps everyone has a wobble returning to work after mat leave. I think its good to go back and give it 4 or 5 months to see how you all settle into the new routine before giving up work though

NoSquirrels · 13/10/2020 22:12

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

I would 100% base my decision on whether you want another baby or not and when. If you take a year off, take a while to find another job, then have two years or so till mat pay kicks back in, that's you looking at at least 3.5 years if all goes to plan.

If you feel you have completed your family and can afford not to work and - crucially - not to work for a bit longer than you think you want off, then I'd go for it. Life is too short.

I think this is the only answer. Don’t take time off/not go back into work because you think 2021 will somehow be ‘better’. Only do it if you think you don’t want more babies and you can afford to SAH for an extended period.

NoSquirrels · 13/10/2020 22:16

@emlovesgin

I don’t get any enhanced maternity pay, I only get ssp.

I’m not very career focused to be honest. It’s just a job. Sorry but that all it is for me.

I’d much rather be at home with my baby wether we get to go to baby classes or not makes no difference really. If we can then it’s a bonus.

I think I the thought of going back to work during a pandemic when I don’t HAVE to is awful.

We do have savings but even without those we could comfortably manage on my husband wage.

If this is you OP with a name change then what you’re asking has nothing much to do with a pandemic or the circumstances of 2020. It’s just the age-old issue of whether you wa t to work at all or spend more time doing the childcare element while your baby is young.

The only way the pandemic makes a difference to this question is that it makes it more likely you’ll find it difficult to return to the workforce than any other time.

JingsMahBucket · 13/10/2020 22:17

Why do women do this to themselves?? Don't talk yourself out of going back to work for the next 5 years and miss out on vital and meaningful job progression.

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