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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my job and have a second “maternity leave”?

77 replies

Emlovesgin · 13/10/2020 19:30

I had my first baby 4 weeks before lockdown.

I’m due back to work in January. I’m really considering not going back and taking another year off.

I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much with my baby due to Covid.

Obviously we’ve had so much lovely time at home together, but there was so much we had planned to do during my maternity leave which we haven’t been able to do.

There’s still family who haven’t been able to meet her. We’ve had to cancel a holiday we had booked.

I fall into the vulnerable category, I’m 32, BMI of 37 and I have asthma.

I don’t feel comfortable going to the baby classes that are recently open because I’m too worried about becoming severely ill.

I’m so hoping that things will improve by next year and it will mean I’m able to enjoy time with my daughter and husband without all of these awful restrictions in place and the fear of Covid.

Financially we can afford for me not to go back to work for a year.

Would I be stupid to give up my job?

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 13/10/2020 20:00

You might be able to negotiate an unpaid secondment given the employment circs. You'd still be at risk of redundancy if that happened while you were off, but then you'd still get any redundancy pay due. Worth checking the policy...

Florencex · 13/10/2020 20:02

@BabyLlamaZen

I genuinely have no idea what you are talking about? 🤷‍♀️

What was “goady”?

ArtichokeAardvark · 13/10/2020 20:03

Sorry, I'm afraid YABU. I'm also on mat leave (baby born late January) and due back at work in December. It's been a lousy year in comparison to my mat leave with my firstborn when I went to lots of baby groups and met other mums for coffee, but mat leave is meant to be about bonding and caring for your new baby which can be done perfectly well at home. The socialising and time off work is just a plus.

If you can afford a career break, go for it. But don't kid yourself that you deserve a second maternity leave just because this year didn't live up to expectations.

ArtichokeAardvark · 13/10/2020 20:05

Oh, and I'm also 32, high BMI and asthmatic, so you really can't pull the vulnerable card... we're not classed as vulnerable!

dontchasewaterfalls · 13/10/2020 20:10

@ArtichokeAardvark

Oh, and I'm also 32, high BMI and asthmatic, so you really can't pull the vulnerable card... we're not classed as vulnerable!
@ArtichokeAardvark

I’m 34, high BMI, asthmatic and I have inflammatory arthritis (not medicated)
Yes, we ARE vulnerable!!

Moondust001 · 13/10/2020 20:18

There's no answer. If you can afford to give up your job, have at it. There's hundreds, at least, who will want it. But don't think that you will have an extra year doing baby classes and then walk into another job. Getting back into work from unemployment is always harder. We are entering a recession that will probably end all recessions. And I'm sorry to say it, but you want to be out of work, of childbearing years, and explaining to potential employers how you quit because you didn't have enough baby classes? So if you are prepared not to get back to work, and can afford it, then choose that. But be realistic about what you are choosing.

BabyLlamaZen · 13/10/2020 20:21

@ArtichokeAardvark

Oh, and I'm also 32, high BMI and asthmatic, so you really can't pull the vulnerable card... we're not classed as vulnerable!
What do you mean about 'pulling vulnerable cards?

I think there is a lot of jealousy here op. Confused Clearly you don't want to grt covid and you have a greater liklihood of complications so if you can avoid covid, please do!!

And please don't make your decision based on the horrible AIBU board.

BabyLlamaZen · 13/10/2020 20:23

@Moondust001

There's no answer. If you can afford to give up your job, have at it. There's hundreds, at least, who will want it. But don't think that you will have an extra year doing baby classes and then walk into another job. Getting back into work from unemployment is always harder. We are entering a recession that will probably end all recessions. And I'm sorry to say it, but you want to be out of work, of childbearing years, and explaining to potential employers how you quit because you didn't have enough baby classes? So if you are prepared not to get back to work, and can afford it, then choose that. But be realistic about what you are choosing.
I think the reason would be wanting to be with your family and stay at home with your baby daughter during a pandemic. Not 12 year old, actual baby. Legally they can't discriminate due to caring responsibilities.
Spidey66 · 13/10/2020 20:28

I've got a similar BMI , and while I don't have asthma, am over 20 years older than you.I've got an underactive thyroid and a touch of arthritis, of course they're not reasons to shield. I don't consider myself to be vulnerable to covid.

Of course there's asthma that just gives you a wheeze with a cold, and there's asthma that is potentially life threatening. It depends on how serious it is if it makes you vulnerable to covid.

Leave your job if you want to spend time with your baby if you can afford to, and you think you can return at a later date. Don't kid yourself it's because of your health though, unless your asthma is very severe.

user1592512579 · 13/10/2020 20:29

I dont think things will be much different for the next 12 months.

and honestly I dont know anybody who's maternity leave turned out the way they planned!

If you want to stay home with you baby for another year by all means do so, but I think it will be more of the same sadly.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/10/2020 20:29

I'm due in January and honestly I'm expecting to have my 4 months off basically living the way things are now. I'm not looking forward to it at all.

majesticallyawkward · 13/10/2020 20:29

Honestly, I don't think you're likely to get what you're hoping for as early as next year. Realistically I can't see us being much different earlier than maybe summer next year, possibly 2022. Much, much longer for the economy and jobs will get harder to come by so you'd need to be prepared for longer than a year out of work if you quit.

I do understand where you're coming from though, my baby was 3 months when lockdown started and all of my plans disappeared. I had almost no time with him (and he's my last baby) because we were at home with dc1, between juggling both kids and trying (mostly failing) to do dc1s school work the baby missed out on a lot. No baby groups, I 1:1 time with me... I had nothing, it was full on after a traumatic birth and scbu stay and then lockdown.
We'll never get that time back, I adore both children and don't resent having time with both of them at all but if I had the chance I'd absolutely take more time off! Unfortunately it's not an option for me, but if you want to, can afford it and are happy with the risk that you won't get to do the things you've missed or find another job after a year/if your dp lost their job easily then why not.

Maryann1975 · 13/10/2020 20:32

Can you afford to be a SAHP long term? If you can, there is no reason for you not to give up work. It’s a valid choice to make and your family will benefit from this choice.

However, if you don’t want to be a long term SAHP or can’t afford to do it for any longer than a few months, I think you would be daft to give up a job as we don’t know what will happen next year and it looks likely that there won’t be masses of jobs to choose from next year.

I think this year has been rubbish for the vast majority of people (I reckon probably everyone!) and I’m not convinced that next year is going to be much better, so I’d be wary of taking a year off to make up for how bad this one has been. Only leave your job if you can cope with another (unpaid) year off work that could potentially be as bad as this year.

TheLette · 13/10/2020 20:33

Ignoring all the comments re: whether OP is vulnerable or not because I don't think that's the key issue... I remember feeling like this at the end of mat leave, but actually enjoyed being back at work. I'm not a natural mum in terms of loving spending my time playing 1 on 1 with my toddler (I do it but I don't love it) and I found dealing with a toddler much more hard work than a baby. With a baby you can to a certain extent do what you want to do, whereas with a toddler you need to do things which work for them. So that's something to factor in. Also are you career minded or is the job just for earning money? If you are in any way focussed on your career I'd say get back to work. It is much more difficult to find a new job than return to an existing job.

MuchTooTired · 13/10/2020 20:33

I’m a SAHM as have twins and can’t afford the nursery fees. There’s no way I’d jack in my job now, absolutely no chance! It’s hard enough to get back to work after a long period of time off, but with covid it’ll be even harder as so many are unemployed or will become so.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the maternity leave you had planned, but don’t leave work. Keep your job and look for something else that’ll work better for you in the long term.

Pixxie7 · 13/10/2020 20:34

I wouldn’t risk it with the current state of unemployment at the moment, you have no guarantee that there will be any improvement in a years time.

Lemonpink88 · 13/10/2020 20:35

I returned to work after my years maternity 4 months pregnant, I’m now off with 2 under 2, could u do a close age gap? It means you will get ur second maternity.

user128472578267 · 13/10/2020 20:35

Legally they can't discriminate due to caring responsibilities.

Doesn't mean they won't.

LeroyJenkinssss · 13/10/2020 20:35

Can you afford for you not to work at all, i.e. does your DH bring in enough (in a secure job) that if you didn’t go back for the foreseeable you would be fine? Or would you be chewing through savings?

If the latter, as sad as you may be for missing out on your ideal maternity leave, I would go back to work. Because realistically the economic impact of COVID will last far longer than the restrictions. You may have to rely on those savings if your DH gets made redundant or, when you return to work, you do.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 13/10/2020 20:35

Sorry OP... YABU.

Being overweight and asthmatic doesn't make you overly vulnerable.

But if you would like to leave your job regardless, go for it. Things won't be back to normal in a year though. x

CrappleUmble · 13/10/2020 20:37

If you're going to do it, I wouldn't make the choice based on a potential second maternity leave. Purely because we have no idea how things are going to look and there is absolutely zero guarantee that you'll get it.

I think also a lot of women feel like you do at around this point in ML regardless of the pandemic. It's a common feeling to be very unsure if going back is what you want. It may well be that you would've felt like this anyway.

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/10/2020 20:37

I think if you can afford not to go back full stop then do it but don’t bank on a job being available in 12 months time.

boarboar · 13/10/2020 20:40

I would wait and see, at this point I'd have wanted to do the same as you are suggesting but when it came around I was so ready to get back to work (albeit part time) and just spend my time doing something different. Covid and being home all the time amplified that feeling tbh. I'd be worried you'd end up spending another year with nothing to do outside of the house.

ChrisOnTheBeach · 13/10/2020 20:40

@Emlovesgin Personally, I'd wait a bit - say til mid 2021/early 2022, and see if you can have a bit of a sabbatical .. maybe 4-6 months. Not only will covid be more likely to be over then, (hopefully,) but also, you'll have more fun with your baby. I wouldn't give your job up. Not a great idea in the current climate. You will really struggle to find another one.

LeroyJenkinssss · 13/10/2020 20:42

Also have you received any enhanced maternity package? If so, check your contract most stipulate a return to work for X period of time otherwise the amount will be repayable.