Forcing child to eat

[ScarMatty]

I don't think AIBU, and definitely need this more for a rant

Currently live with in laws. Not a choice thing, only option right now so no "well just move out then"

DS is a toddler and with food I am very much 'take it or leave it'. I cook one meal, and ensure I know that at least 50% of the food on the plate is something he likes.

If he eats it all, great.

If he eats 5 mouthfuls, great.

If he doesn't touch it at all, no problem at all.

I don't offer other options, I don't get into a battle, it's simply "ok no problem" when he says he is done

Works fine when it's just me and him at home

But in-laws with literally chase him around the house with a spoon, cook 5 other meals, start saying "you need to eat more, you can't be full yet, it's no good you're not eating" etc etc and are obsessed with how much he eats.

AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous? Or should I be 'forcing' more?

Yanbu!! It sounds like you're giving him a good attitute towards food
Your in laws are being very U however, I would be quite angry at that

YANBU and I would be telling them to stay out of it.

Definitely not BU!

Have you asked your in laws to stop it?

I generally do the same as you btw, I think it works pretty well.

I am the same as you OP and that would drive me mad. Sometimes children just aren't hungry.

No. Absolutely unacceptable. You get to choose what to put in front of the tube, they get to choose what goes down it. That is how they self regulate, and learn to realise their 'full' signals.

Sometimes we're hungry, sometimes we're not. Same with little 'uns.

(Our lovely GP, who we had until my youngest was 12, was ferociously supportive of this approach.)

And while you are living with them, this is still your child, and you have the final say as to how such things will be approached with your child.

You need to tell your in laws to stop it.

He's your child, tell them to stop.

When my children were small my mother in law used to wait till they were looking the other way then spoon food in their mouths. She was obsessed with getting them to eat. It used to drive me nuts. She thinks food is love. She wasn’t born in the uk so I think culture plays a part.
On the plus side she makes lovely meals for all of us.

@babygroups

Have you asked your in laws to stop it?

I have tried politely without directly saying it. They're very defensive people and on the occasion I've mentioned it before they're actual response was "well the NHS says he needs 5 fruit and veg today so he needs to eat that" etc. So they're very much 'this is what they're supposed to eat' but in real life that just doesn't happen sometimes

I try and just remove my son from the situation sometimes

Luckily DH is fully on board with me but I think I've just doubted myself that maybe I'm too 'relaxed' but I just really don't see the need for a battle when it's not necessary

Some days I eat fuck loads
Some days I don't eat anything

It all balances out in my view but then sometimes the daily comments make me wonder if I am doing it wrong

I think you'll need to get your dh to speak to them seriously about it. Could you eat at different times to in-laws?

Broadly I agree with you but it depends if your child is leaving most of their food and then getting hungry before the next meal.

There’s an element of learning how to balance your eating across a ‘normal’ day as well as recognising when you are full.

I wouldn’t be chasing around with a spoon though!

@WhoseThatGirl

When my children were small my mother in law used to wait till they were looking the other way then spoon food in their mouths. She was obsessed with getting them to eat. It used to drive me nuts. She thinks food is love. She wasn’t born in the uk so I think culture plays a part. On the plus side she makes lovely meals for all of us.

Yes! They do this do. They'll get one of them to 'distract' him whilst the other one feeds

Honestly it's like watching a circus sometimes

He's running around laughing whilst they seriously chase him with a spoon of food

Now I write it down I realise how ridiculous it sounds

@babygroups

I think you'll need to get your dh to speak to them seriously about it. Could you eat at different times to in-laws?

Yes I think this is what I need to try and do.

They get in at the same time every night so I think I might just need to bring dinner forward 30 mins so it's finished before they're gone

*theyre home

@Covideo

Broadly I agree with you but it depends if your child is leaving most of their food and then getting hungry before the next meal.

There’s an element of learning how to balance your eating across a ‘normal’ day as well as recognising when you are full.

I wouldn’t be chasing around with a spoon though!

We always do

Breakfast 7:30am
Snack (banana/cheese etc) around 10am
Lunch 12:30pm
Snack 3:30pm
Dinner 5:30pm

The snacks etc stay the same and aren't 'increased/decreased' if he does or doesn't eat if that makes sense?

Normally I find if he doesn't eat much in one meal, he then just catches up in the next meal

That is one sure way of creating eating issues. Tell your husband to instruct your in laws to back the f* off! God that must be driving you utterly batty! Nine times out of ten a child will come back to their food if they haven’t eaten. Toddlers will always try to test the water.
You are doing the right thing, don’t let them dissuade you. As parents you say whet goes end of discussion! 😡😡😡

You are spot on. Food experts will say that forcing, cajoling and offering treats if they finish is not the way to go. I will see if I can find a link to a video I saw that advocates exactly what you do. Perhaps you could show them and just say you are doing it that way.

@Ispini
It used to really stress me out but as a first time mum you never really know if what you're doing is right, but honestly now all I can do is laugh because it is honestly a circus show to witness. I've never seen anything like it. It's bonkers

@SummerHouse

Thank you. That is so very reassuring to hear

I wonder what it would be like to film it, and show them their antics?

@mbosnz

I wonder what it would be like to film it, and show them their antics?

I would probably win the £250 from you've been framed.

Just picture a small toddler running crazy around a kitchen island naked, and 2 fully grown adults chasing him with a tiny spoon demanding he eat 3 peas.

YANBU. As long as there's something on the plate he'll eat and he's presumably not wasting away then it sounds like you're setting him up for a healthy relationship with food. Much better than forcing him to eat everything or offering a thousand tastier alternatives.

Do it!