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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Language

54 replies

blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 03:54

I watched a show about an American who came to live in France for a year for a job and my sister who did live in paris for a year felt turned off because she felt it was disrespectful that they make it ok to live in a country (temporary) without learning the language first. I told her the show was not about the girl refusing to learn the language, she picked up bits and pieces and taking classes in France and I asked her if that’s what people told her when she was in France. Anyway, am I being Aibu to think it is not a big deal if someone don’t learn the language before they go to these places?

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 13/10/2020 04:21

YABU. If you’re going to move to another country to live there, you should learn their language before you go.

Your friend is right that it’s disrespectful not to, and getting by on bits and pieces isn’t good enough.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 13/10/2020 04:24

Are you talking about Emily in Paris? If so, that was a massive pile of shite that could actually have been good.

She wasn’t BU for not speaking French when she arrived as it was a last minute trip but she was massively U for barely speaking more than a few words after months of being there.

And for the terrible clothes she wore.

Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 04:26

I told her I doubt these countries let people live there permanently without knowing the language first. I am talking about temporary

OP posts:
RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 13/10/2020 04:26

Anyway, am I being Aibu to think it is not a big deal if someone don’t learn the language before they go to these places?

I mean imagine someone coming to live in the UK and going round speaking their own language to everyone?!

Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 04:28

@RomeoLikedCapuletGirls

Are you talking about Emily in Paris? If so, that was a massive pile of shite that could actually have been good.

She wasn’t BU for not speaking French when she arrived as it was a last minute trip but she was massively U for barely speaking more than a few words after months of being there.

And for the terrible clothes she wore.

Yes that’s the show
OP posts:
BritWifeinUSA · 13/10/2020 04:29

If she was sent there by her company for a year and didn’t have much choice in the matter and not much notice beforehand then I feel that’s ok that she didn’t learn a whole new language in a few weeks before moving somewhere for just a year. I was sent to India for 3 months with my job and 3 weeks notice, just enough time to get my visa sorted. I certainly didn’t learn Hindi in 3 weeks.

There’s a huge difference between choosing to live somewhere for a long time and being sent somewhere because of your job.

That said, my American husband regularly comments on the fact that I’ve lived in the USA for several years now and still don’t speak the language. It’ll always be Aluminium and paracetamol to me. None of this aluminum and acetaminophen nonsense.

PracticingPerson · 13/10/2020 04:29

It's not disrespectful to have/use only a limited amount of the national language, it is disrespectful to speak English and just expect everyone else to make the effort.

Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 04:30

@RomeoLikedCapuletGirls

Anyway, am I being Aibu to think it is not a big deal if someone don’t learn the language before they go to these places?

I mean imagine someone coming to live in the UK and going round speaking their own language to everyone?!

I have coworkers who speak nothing but Spanish, even though Spanish is part of our culture, it never bother me
OP posts:
Nikori · 13/10/2020 04:31

I live abroad. I know loads of people who have lived here for decades and can barely say a few words. I couldn’t live like that personally, but it is so much easier to pick up a language when you are living in a country than before you go.

emilyfrost · 13/10/2020 04:32

@blueberrypie0112

I told her I doubt these countries let people live there permanently without knowing the language first. I am talking about temporary
How naive are you? Confused
Boomerwang · 13/10/2020 04:35

It's a lot easier to learn a language when you're in the country where they speak it. My father tried to learn a bit of Swedish before he came to visit me and it was just no good. Once he got here and met my daughter's Swedish family he had the greetings down pat.

Also makes for some funny mistakes, like the time as a newbie I asked for a dick screw instead of a hook screw.

AngelaScandal · 13/10/2020 04:37

The whole premise of the show is deliberately obnoxious . I’m here to provide an American point of view! WTF? Can France not function without an American to tell them how to do things?!
Also the clothes seem stuck in a SATC time warp

Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 04:39

@Boomerwang

It's a lot easier to learn a language when you're in the country where they speak it. My father tried to learn a bit of Swedish before he came to visit me and it was just no good. Once he got here and met my daughter's Swedish family he had the greetings down pat.

Also makes for some funny mistakes, like the time as a newbie I asked for a dick screw instead of a hook screw.

My uncle married a great person from Sweden. He lived there for awhile but he could never learn the language:( he tried but their marriage couldn’t work so he went home.
OP posts:
Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 04:40

@Boscoismyspiritanimal

The whole premise of the show is deliberately obnoxious . I’m here to provide an American point of view! WTF? Can France not function without an American to tell them how to do things?! Also the clothes seem stuck in a SATC time warp
I agree with this part. The whole “savior” thing lol
OP posts:
Toilenstripes · 13/10/2020 04:46

@RomeoLikedCapuletGirls

Are you talking about Emily in Paris? If so, that was a massive pile of shite that could actually have been good.

She wasn’t BU for not speaking French when she arrived as it was a last minute trip but she was massively U for barely speaking more than a few words after months of being there.

And for the terrible clothes she wore.

Her clothes were great. A very American sense of fashion, which I love.
Original poster
blueberrypie0112 · 13/10/2020 06:01

@emilyfrost naive about what?

That people should learn it no matter the situation? Or something else? I asked my sister if they let people live there permanently without knowing the language first, and I think she said no, and it is hard to get accepted anyhow so I told her there is nothing to worry about then, it is not like they can stay. she wants to live in France but she can’t - she doesn’t want to live here anymore and hate our country. Everyday she have to remind me. It get quite annoying. Yes we need improvement and we can improve if the people are willing.

I have never traveled in other countries so I am naive. I have met many people from other countries and I’ve never cared if they never took the time to learn ours.

So do people really get upset if someone don’t learn the language first? I can understand if they never bother to learning, or took too long to learn because they think they don’t need to...but what if someone doesn’t think they won’t be here for long or someone want to take classes in France, is it unreasonable to be upset about this?

OP posts:
clearsommespace · 13/10/2020 06:11

I have not seen the tv programme but I live in France. There are lots of people living here who have been here for years and who barely speak French. Some don't try to learn. Others have good intentions but find it harder than they expected.

LavaCake · 13/10/2020 06:33

I don’t think it’s disrespectful not to have learned before you go (it’s hard and time consuming without immersion!) but you should make an effort to learn enough to be polite in the early days, and once living abroad you do have a responsibility to learn the language imo.

Camomila · 13/10/2020 06:42

Mum says she cried when she first got England because she didn't understand anything! She'd done English all the way through school and been good at it but actual English people sounded completely different. She signed up to English classes straight away.

I don't think its rude not to know a language but I think its rude not to try your best - I always buy a phrase book if I'm going somewhere I can't speak the language.

Camomila · 13/10/2020 06:42

*got to England Blush

Dalrymples · 13/10/2020 07:40

YANBU to think it’s ok to move somewhere without learning the language first. Like others have said, after you’ve moved, I think it’s a bit U to not try to learn.

GnomeDePlume · 13/10/2020 07:40

When we moved abroad we had three months notice. In that time we had to find a home and school for DCs, arrange what to do with our UK home, sell our car, arrange removal etc etc.

However once we arrived we had to learn the language very quickly as this was early days of the internet so far less automatic translation.

AllesAusLiebe · 13/10/2020 07:44

@Camomila I empathise very much with your mum! Having learnt English at school and then landing in Newcastle at 24 it felt like I needed to throw all of my books away and start from scratch. Blush

Sorry, OP but YABU on this one. It's an individual's responsibility to try and integrate if you're planning on making another country your home.

longwayoff · 13/10/2020 07:59

French TV? Watch Call My Agent on Netflix. Very witty, stuffed full of famous Frenchies doing cameos, and is in French. With subtitles. Learn as you goSmile

CherryPavlova · 13/10/2020 08:10

I think it’s incredibly rude and a touch colonialist to not bother learning a few basic words before you even go on holiday to another country.

Hello, goodbye, please, thank you, a few numbers, a few drinks/foodstuffs, lavatory, left and right. How hard can that be? An attempt to use people’s language usually results in better service and greater assistance.