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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS Weight Gain

104 replies

W989 · 12/10/2020 23:20

DS is 16, 5ft7 and until recently was very active (cycling, walking etc).

He's now started college so busy studying online.

He's never really been overweight, but when he did get a bit of a tummy, he grew.

It was his birthday on the weekend and I bought him a new outfit to wear for a meal out. I bought him his usual size shirt (small) and jeans (28waist). He couldn't wait to wear them. I got him a Tommy hilfiger shirt and Levi jeans. He has asked me to buy them both for him for a while now. But when we were all getting dressed ready to go for the meal, he shouted "Uh oh". I said whats wrong and he showed me that the shirt wouldn't button and the jeans were a few inches from buttoning. He then decided to wear shorts and a tshirt which did fit him. As they were elasticated waist ones.

We went for the meal and we had a great time, albeit socially distanced from others etc.

When we got home he said I'm going to lose weight, I'm upset I couldnt wear my new outfit. I said you're probably growing and not to worry.

Have I done the right thing by saying he's growing and doesnt need to lose weight?

I feel bad for buying him a new outfit that was too small.

OP posts:
BrimfulOfBaba · 13/10/2020 09:44

@W989

Is it worth me weighing and measuring him or not?
I think it would be best to be guided by him and what he wants to do, if you weigh him and measure him, he may feel pressured.

If he wants to lose weight himself, be there as a support and to make sure he doesn't veer into unhealthy ways of losing weight. He's at that age now where he'll be equating certain choices with their impact on his body. This is his journey, he should be in the driving seat.

titchy · 13/10/2020 09:46

He needs to weigh himself and work out his BMI. If it's in the normal range and you expect him to grow another few inches then he needs to know that those clothes are never gonna fit. It could be worrying that he intends to diet to get into them.

I have a 5'7" fully grown teen. 28" would be tight on him, 30" ok, but he is a skinny whippet. BMI around 20.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 09:51

@BrimfulOfBaba I wouldn't put pressure on him to weigh himself in front of me. I never bring up weight issues in the home. All of his friends wear the designer clothes so wanted to fit in with them. I did say you don't need to lose weight but he said he wanted to.

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Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 09:52

@titchy I did reassure him saying that you don't need to diet. I'll just get a bigger size.

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Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 09:53

@Mindymomo wow. A 36 waist. I bet that did shock him. But depends on how tall he was as well.

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PurpleDaisies · 13/10/2020 09:56

Dh wears a 34in waist in trousers, BMI 21. sure when I bought him trousers recently they’d be enormous on him but they fitted perfectly. He’s taller than your son but thought I’d post to illustrate that there’s a wide range in healthy sized men.

28in really is on the small size and I’d just change them for the next size up.

LindaEllen · 13/10/2020 09:57

Just take a look at him. You can surely see if he's a healthy looking lad or not, and as long as you make healthy choices for family meals and he gets out and about sometimes (family walks perhaps?) he will be fine. My younger brother followed the out > up > out --> up pattern throughout his teens and he is now a 7ft beanpole :D.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 09:58

@PurpleDaisies It just worried me that he did not want me to return them.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 13/10/2020 09:59

Yes, I would be a bit concerned that he wants to diet to fit in to them.

Can you just buy the next size up and ask him to try them on?

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 10:01

@PurpleDaisies I will try and see if he has changed his mind and return them for a bigger size. Obviously I want him to grow and be healthy. I did say you dont need to diet

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movingonup20 · 13/10/2020 10:02

28 waist is quite slim and most even slim men will have a waist of 30/32 especially if they are taller. Around 16 they admittedly at their skinniest but depending on his growth pattern he may be getting towards his adult shape. You were right not to overplay it, just encourage a varied healthy diet of normal sized meals but not too many snacks or calorific drinks and to be generally active. Many youngsters do gain weight at that age, dd certainly did and it turned out that they were stuffing biscuits and drinking fizzy drinks in the common room at college, plus lots of coffee drinks which were milk based of course, she cut them and weight gain stopped.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 10:07

@movingonup20 I think he will grow more. I will have a chat when he gets home.

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TheGirlWithAPrince · 13/10/2020 10:07

Think is by saying hes growing could potentially lead him to actually just being overweight, He doesnt need to diet just start exercising more and make sure he isnt snacking too much.

I was always told oh its just puppy fat you will grow out of it, im now 27 and severly obese although i am losing weight now and have lost nearly 4 stone so far but im still obese and wish i had someone helping me when i was a kid instead of making excuses.

I didnt even eat that bad as a kid i just didnt exercise enough and had a few too many snacks on the weekend.

You can be kind whilst being Truthful and its easier for him to help himself now than it will be when hes found that hes quickly gone from a S to a XXL

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 10:10

@TheGirlWithAPrince He is aware he's gone up a few sizes. I think because he wanted to wear the shirt and jeans that he had been asking for ages. When they didn't fit it did upset him. Obviously he will grow... I think.

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Decisivelyindecisive · 13/10/2020 10:12

My ds is almost 16 and over lockdown seemed to suddenly have a growth spurt and not only height / foot size but suddenly went from being noticeably slim to " solid" and more recently leaning to more chubby. We have had a chat about the importance of healthy eating and exercise for MH reasons as well as physical. Hes started doing press ups and squats etc to tone up but currently looks like he is destined to be broad shouldered and built like a rugby player.

SpaceOP · 13/10/2020 10:15

Agree that designer clothes are often a bit smaller and if he's wearing more elasticised stuff and hasn't bought anything new in months, then it's far more likely this is just normal growth for this age than a sign of impending obesity. I would be actively encouraging him to try the bigger size. Obviously, if in 2 months the bigger size is too small too then there's a problem, but that doesn't seem to be what's happening here.

BlueJava · 13/10/2020 10:17

Mum of 2 late teens DS here - 28" waist is pretty skinny. Get a 30" and a 34" and let him try them on and then send back the one he doesn't want (that's what I do!)

EmeraldShamrock · 13/10/2020 10:46

Change them for a size up. At 16 he is probably still growing at least he'll get wear out of them if they're a size bigger.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 11:00

@BlueJava I will try and return them if I can

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Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 11:01

@SpaceOP I wanted to get a bigger size. DS didnt want me to return them

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Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 11:09

@LindaEllen I expect him to grow

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Charlieeee76 · 13/10/2020 11:13

Don’t start weighing him!! OP

That feeling of something not fitting is really not nice. It could be the jeans run small and the top or maybe he has put on a bit of weight. Unless he piled over 1 stone on I wouldn’t mention it too much right now.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 11:15

@Charlieeee76 I won't weigh him. I'd say the jeans were at least 3 inches from doing up

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Feckmesideways · 13/10/2020 11:16

OP my DS13 is a 30-32 waist, he is in no way fat, just really built and hit puberty quite early. Honestly be very careful talking about weight to teenagers, it sticks with them for a long time and they are very conscious at that age. Your DS sounds perfectly healthy, 28 waist is very slim.

Original poster
W989 · 13/10/2020 11:17

@Feckmesideways He's not a 28 anymore. But I did say I would return them for a bigger size. I didnt want him to start dieting. He said he wanted to.

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