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AIBU?

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Original poster

No sex

50 replies

Marie84 · 12/10/2020 23:20

I'm at my wits end. I've been with my partner for 6 yrs and up until the last 12 months or so our sex life has always been great. He works really long hours in a very manual job and I can understand he is tired but I can't even remember the last time we had sex. Most nights he falls asleep on the sofa and I'm fast asleep when he comes to bed or he doesn't even make it up to bed. I've always wanted more sex than him but this is ridiculous. I'm recently been thinking about having a one night stand! Crazy I know and I'd never actually go through with it but I just can't help it. Every time I bring it up he gets grumpy and says he can't help being tired. I don't really know what I'm expecting from posting this but sometimes it helps just to rant!

OP posts:
W989 · 12/10/2020 23:24

What about on his days off when he's not working?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/10/2020 23:25

This relationship has run it's course. I wouldn't be wasting anymore precious time on this one.

Original poster
Marie84 · 12/10/2020 23:26

He works 7 days a wk. He tries to finish early on a Sunday but it's rarely before 7

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 12/10/2020 23:28

Why does he work seven days a week OP ?

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 12/10/2020 23:29

has it occurred to you be may be having sex elsewhere?

Regularsizedrudy · 12/10/2020 23:30

Have you spoke to him about it? Long hours 7 days a week sounds unsustainable

Original poster
Marie84 · 12/10/2020 23:31

It's his own business and it's not been up and running for long. He just wants to make money. I have told him there are more important things in life but he doesn't see that.

And no I'm sure he isn't getting it else where.

OP posts:
W989 · 12/10/2020 23:32

Not sure I know many people who work 7 days a week. It does sound odd especially the long hours

Original poster
Marie84 · 12/10/2020 23:34

@Regularsizedrudy

Have you spoke to him about it? Long hours 7 days a week sounds unsustainable
Yes I try all the time and he says he just wants to work! He says it won't always be like this but I can't do this indefinitely. I love him so very much and don't want to end our relationship.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marie84 · 12/10/2020 23:35

@W989

Not sure I know many people who work 7 days a week. It does sound odd especially the long hours
It's quite normal in his line of work, my father is the same along with dp's father.
OP posts:
Rosebel · 12/10/2020 23:47

The long hours aren't unusual if you're building your own business. My dad used to work 12 to 14 hours a, day 7 days a week building up his business.
I can't really offer you any advice apart from talking to him, (try not to blame him) tell him you support him in his work but you feel neglected and you want to be close to him.
His reaction and actions will tell you what you need to know.

Pringlemonster · 12/10/2020 23:51

A friend of mine is seeing a man who tells his wife he is working 7 days a week at his job..two days a week he spends with my friend ,Christmas is always difficult getting out to see her but he goes back to work after Boxing Day .
He’s self employed,here there and everywhere .lots of people know as well ,just a matter of time before it gets back to wife

Original poster
Marie84 · 13/10/2020 00:06

@Rosebel

The long hours aren't unusual if you're building your own business. My dad used to work 12 to 14 hours a, day 7 days a week building up his business. I can't really offer you any advice apart from talking to him, (try not to blame him) tell him you support him in his work but you feel neglected and you want to be close to him. His reaction and actions will tell you what you need to know.
Thank you. I try to support him in every way I can. I also help him quite a bit and have a fairly active role in the business. I will try and talk to him again but I do t hold out much hope.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marie84 · 13/10/2020 00:07

@Pringlemonster

A friend of mine is seeing a man who tells his wife he is working 7 days a week at his job..two days a week he spends with my friend ,Christmas is always difficult getting out to see her but he goes back to work after Boxing Day . He’s self employed,here there and everywhere .lots of people know as well ,just a matter of time before it gets back to wife
That's horrifying! 100% not what's happening here though!
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/10/2020 00:12

@Marie84

It's his own business and it's not been up and running for long. He just wants to make money. I have told him there are more important things in life but he doesn't see that.

And no I'm sure he isn't getting it else where.

If you're not sure he's not having sex with another woman, you have way bigger problems than the hours he works.

If there's no trust what is there?

Anordinarymum · 13/10/2020 00:15

OP you say you are at your wits end. Why don't you sit down and talk?

Can you help him with his business so he does not have to work so hard ? Surely there is a solution to this !

CoffeeInAnIV · 13/10/2020 00:20

You need to talk to him and tell him while you understand his business is a priority, you and your relationship also needs to be a priority and he quite simply has to make time for you in his schedule or the relationship will naturally end as there isn't a physical bond there anymore. If it's important to you, it's important. But you need to communicate that importance and have him set time aside for you right now and if he's unwilling, the relationship can't be saved.

S00LA · 13/10/2020 00:24

My friend married a man of 40 who had his own business and worked 7 days a week. He promised her it would just be for a short time until the business was established . Then it was until he could hire an employee. Then it was until that person was trained.

He too had no time or energy for sex, shared hobbies, a social life or holidays.

Guess what ? He’s 60 now and still working 7 days a week.

She divorced him 5 years ago.

FlamedToACrisp · 13/10/2020 00:46

Workaholism is a real thing. Do you think he is addicted to work?

If not, is there any way you can help him/share the work?

Elsewyre · 13/10/2020 03:24

Is he in it 30-40s?

Might be worth doing a testosterone level check, either doctor or private home kit (forth etc). If the tiredness is new along with the sex drive he might just be hitting his natural decline.

If he chooses to do hormone therapy though would be up to him if that turns out to be the case though

Original poster
Marie84 · 13/10/2020 07:42

@WorraLiberty I mean I'm sure he isn't.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 13/10/2020 07:43

Lunch time quickie?

speakout · 13/10/2020 07:45

I work 7 days a week.

Have done for years. I am self employed.
I do compensate by giving myself 4 or 5 weeks off over christmas.

Wibblypiggly · 13/10/2020 07:55

@WorraLiberty I think you read the last bit wrong. She said she’s sure he isn’t getting it elsewhere.

Laughingcrow · 13/10/2020 08:04

Those hours aren't unusual. My DH works those hours as we have a family run business and he is there every day. We also live two doors down so we both pop in and out throughout the day. So people do work those hours. 100% possible. Not everyone is 9-5

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