To ask what man would want to date a single mum of 2x small children on benefits

[Evangeline1992]

Hi. I have 2 children (5 and 2), ex left when youngest was 8 weeks old and we haven't seen him since (his decision). I love my children and wouldn't change a thing about them. They are both so beautiful and amazing. However, I am lonely. At first I didn't mind being single, but now the evenings spent with no adult conversation are starting to get to me. I miss sex and companionship. I would love a little family of my own eventually (we already are a family, but you know what I mean). I am only 28 and do have family who would be willing to help out if I wanted to date but really, are there men out there who would be interested in a girl with 2 little ones? :( My life is good but tiring, early starts, mess, noise. I've never dated since being a parent. Feeling low tonight. :(

Of course there are, men have children too! xx

Yes of course there are, but all of them might not be the ones you want to date I'm sure there's someone lovely out there who would think you're lovely

Thank you. I hope you're right x

There’s a lid for every pot OP. I think the issue you’ll have is that a lot of men in your age group will be able to date women in their 20s and 30s who don’t already have kids. Maybe go for someone a bit older, with kids of their own?

Take it from a 39 year old single mum of 2, on benefits. Yes.
I’ve been single since Feb,(but it’s been emotionally over long before then) been on various apps. I’ve always clearly stated on my profiles that I have children.
And I’ve had plenty of dates. Some single dads, some guys without children.
I’m currently seeing an absolutely lovely man who is a few years older than me but never had children. His last LTR was 9 years with a woman who had kids, so I already knew he was good with and liked them.
And it’s early days, but it’s going really well.

Good Luck!

Thanks everyone. These responses are giving me a bit of hope

My husband (or someone like him!). I had two young children and was propped up with IS. There are definitely guys out there. There's a lot of dodgy ones, but plenty of genuine ones too! It probably helps that my husband has his own step parent and half siblings, in his mind family is not a closed-two-forever and that's your lot . I was in my mid 30's as a single mum, I had just been made redundant when I first met my husband. At the time I had a friend w benefits situation as I did not want a relationship (having tried a couple of dates first) compromising my Home life. There was a slow getting into a relationship process with now husband, its ok to be wary too.
I'm sure someone would be lucky to get to date you, or whatever sort of relationship you feel works for your life!

Develop a good filter if you are doing online dating, it’s a playground for players .

Hi op,
Your confidence doesn't appear to be brimming over.
How about thinking differently?is I am young,healthy,intelligent,beautiful with two incredibly lovely children who I love to bits,I'm social,I have many interests,although being a full time single parent takes up most of my time which means in great at multi tasking I'm happy and upbeat.
Then maybe your heading would be Aibu to

Sorry...Aibu to date more than one man at a time?😁
Be positive op.there's many single parents who happen to be male,or men who are more than happy to have a ready made family,or who find you so attractive they know the children are part of you and are happy about it.
Get out there and be proud of all you have achieved.

Thank you so much @KarmaStar. That is such a lovely comment and had made me think about things differently. X

After my marriage broke down I had 3 kids and 2 boys with ADHD. I could not imagine anyone would look twice at me without running. I was wrong.now been married to second DH for 25 years and he has helped me bring up youngest 2 sons. They are young adults now but still live at home with us while saving for deposit. I sometimes think he has a better relationship with my sons than I do. They watch football together, share a chinese meal and before Covid sometimes went to cinema together to see Marvel films or James Bond. He has been a fantastic step dad and does not have kids of his own but shares mine with me. He helped older D's get a job and got up at 5.40am to drive him to work before son passed his driving test. There are lots of lovely people out there. You will meet someone.

are there men out there who would be interested in a girl with 2 little ones?

Impossible to tell without knowing all the nuanced personality traits that men form these sorts of decisions on. How large are your breasts, OP?

More seriously: take it slow. Don't be in any rush to complete your family and don't introduce them to your kids for aaaaages.

Accept that you might end up having fun, casual relationships for a while and if one turns out to be a keeper then great. Most of the men on OLD just want a shag, which is fine if that's what you want too.

@raddledoldmisanthropist

are there men out there who would be interested in a girl with 2 little ones?

Impossible to tell without knowing all the nuanced personality traits that men form these sorts of decisions on. How large are your breasts, OP?

More seriously: take it slow. Don't be in any rush to complete your family and don't introduce them to your kids for aaaaages.

Accept that you might end up having fun, casual relationships for a while and if one turns out to be a keeper then great. Most of the men on OLD just want a shag, which is fine if that's what you want too.

Well, I do have big knockers

OP I completely understand where you're coming from. I have exactly the same feelings. I honestly wonder where I'd ever meet someone new other than OLD which fills me with dread tho I know there are lots of positive stories out there! I dont have any advice but you're not alone!

I know a woman with four kids who remarried and had another child.

Your entire OP was me, even down to the kids ages, 16 years ago. Split up when the youngest was 8 weeks as well. I actually had to check the date to make sure it wasn't a really old post of mine!

Anyway, I met my DH 15 years ago, he took all 3 of us on and then had our own wee boy.

Thinsg will change and the right person will be there for all 3 of you.

I'm great company, fairly attractive and have my own interests. I'm also a parent.

It hasn't stopped me from dating (and finding a long term relationship) and you shouldn't let it hold you back OP.

Your children are getting older and more managable in terms of getting some baby sitting. I'd take it slowly and get your confidence back by going out a bit more with friends ( where you can during covid). This is a tough time but its not forever and you are so young at 28, you have plenty of time to find someone.

@TrollTheRespawnJeremy

I'm great company, fairly attractive and have my own interests. I'm also a parent.

It hasn't stopped me from dating (and finding a long term relationship) and you shouldn't let it hold you back OP.

Thank you. I need to adopt more of your way of thinking!

People are bloody lucky to have us. The very fact you'd spend your precious free time with someone should make them so bloody thankful that you're giving them your valuable minutes.

Your looking at it the wrong way, it's not will anyone have me it's who is lucky enough to have me. There will be men out there, Don't settle though op, your worth more than that, make sure whoever you choose is right for you, not just someone to fill the lonely gap.
You and your children deserve only the best man.

lots of men including:
not nice men that fancy you
nice men that fancy you

The trick is to differentiate between groups one and two but thats always the difficult bit, kids or no kids.

Thank you x

lots of men including:
not nice men that fancy you
nice men that fancy you

Don’t forget the not nice men that don’t fancy you but fancy the fact you have children.

Always important to bear in mind when online dating and advertising you are a single parent with young children.