Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you have a lot of couple friends?

43 replies

Creatingausername · 12/10/2020 16:31

My Dh and I only have 1 set of couple friends that we met through our children. I would like to have more but it seems to be really hard to find and maintain these friendships. I have friends but we meet up without the husbands and the situation has never arisen that we would do a couple date. These are friends I've had for years but it's never happened tho they have met and know my husband. My husband doesn't really have many friends because of the hours he works and he says it doesn't bother him but I am a social person and need to have friends. I'd really like to make more couple friends so how do you go about it? I'm worried that as the kids get older it is harder to meet people.
So do you have many friends and how did you meet them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Creatingausername · 12/10/2020 16:34

I should say that all of these friends I have met through the kids and therefore we have mostly met up with the kids in tow although now our friendships are deeper we would arrange nights out occasionally. This is why my husband has not really ever been included as he would generally be working when we met or nights out would be all women, not because he is a weirdo or anything!

OP posts:
peboh · 12/10/2020 16:35

Not really. We tend to have separate friendships groups and it works well for us. We do get on with each other's friends, and every now will go for a drink or dinner with a friend and their partner together but it's very rare.

WitchQueenofDarkness · 12/10/2020 16:38

No - we have a few but not many

AryaStarkWolf · 12/10/2020 16:40

No, we rarely go out with other couples unless it's family stuff tbh Most of our friends have other halves but usually we meet up with those friends alone, as in I go out with my friends and he goes out with his

MsVestibule · 12/10/2020 17:57

Nope, not a single set and we've been together for 15 years. I would have quite liked the idea but it never happened. He has his friends, I have mine 🤷‍♀️.

FluffySunshineBunny · 12/10/2020 18:00

Pretty much all of our closest friends are couple friends. We do have a few friends we meet separately due to one thing or another. But now I'm making 'mum' friends and none of those have turned into couple friends.

Serafinaaa · 12/10/2020 18:02

We didn't used to until we started attending church and then we seemed to pick up quite a few. Then we split up 😂

M0mmyneedswine · 12/10/2020 18:03

No couple friends, i prefer to have mine and he has his

Original poster
Creatingausername · 12/10/2020 18:14

I'm jealous when I hear of people having couples over for dinner or a bbq etc. Obviously not so much this year but I really want that in normal times 😕
It doesn't seem as common as I've built it up in my head to be then maybe

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 12/10/2020 18:16

No. None.

EternalOptimist7 · 12/10/2020 18:19

We don’t have any. Actually DH doesn’t have any friends, which sounds awful, but he’s fine with it & worries me a lot more than it worries him. He’s a great bloke but because he’s self employed & his hobby is a solo one, he doesn’t really get the opportunity to meet other blokes. I have friends, mainly made through DD’s school, but we rarely go out as a group & actually I haven’t caught up with anyone singly either for ages. This needs to be remedied!

ShashukaSally · 12/10/2020 18:26

Unfortunately not! It seems my friends have terrible taste in men who can't behave when out so we just tend to stick to girls nights out!
Suits me Hmm

Skigal86 · 12/10/2020 18:27

Pretty much all our friends are couple friends, although we were a big friendship group before most of the couples got together, so I guess we are quite unusual in that respect. We do a mix of couple stuff, just men or just women or sometimes just one or two of us and our kids. We’re mostly equal friends though, the blokes are just as much my friends as my husbands (I’ve known most of them longer than I’ve known him!)

I kinda feel about mum friends the way you feel about couple friends though, I just never figured out how to make them.

MadCatLady71 · 12/10/2020 18:43

Nope - we’ve been together over 20 years and both maintained our own social circles. My friends are people who share my interests / hobbies, DPs are people who share his. We will very occasionally go out in a group with some of his friends, which is nice, but not something I’d want to do very often as it involves a lot of small talk.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/10/2020 18:45

Genuine question - why do they need to be couple friends? If your husband isn’t that bothered, couldn’t you just concentrate on your existing friendships? Or do you think he needs more friends?

doctorhamster · 12/10/2020 18:48

We have one couple friend but we probably only meet up with them twice a year. DH doesn't have any friends...I know he'd like some but he works long hours and doesn't know how to meet like minded blokes.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 12/10/2020 19:38

Lots of couple friends! In fact my best friend's husband and my husband get on so well that my husband and her regularly swap places for a night or two so they can have a boys weekend and we can have a girls weekend!

Megan2018 · 12/10/2020 19:42

Hardly any.
I have friends through work and my hobby, DH doesn’t as he’s not interested.

We met some couples at NCT but DH didn’t click with them as much older. I like the women but it’s already fizzling out now mat leave has finished.

Heatherjayne1972 · 12/10/2020 19:44

Well. We had a few when I was married
But then we divorced and they all took his side and believed his lies
So they were his friends really b

MeadowHay · 12/10/2020 19:45

Hmm. We have a few but usually one or both of us are a lot closer to one of the people in the couple as we often knew them before they were in that relationship. But we still like and are friendly with their partner and socialise together as couples I'd that makes sense?

Examples:

  • My friend from uni who met her partner whilst we were at uni but me and DH didn't meet him until after we'd graduated. But we will all socialise together.
  • My friend from sixth form who met her partner at uni so we didn't meet him until they relocated back to our city. Again, we don't him that well and I don't have independent contact with him, but we will socialise all together as two couples and get on well.
  • One couple DH met at uni and we were both already couples then and that's probably the only couple friends we have were we are both basically as close to each of them and all really close friends.
  • Actually I have another friend from sixth form who met their partner at uni who again we will all socialise together but I very rarely contact their partner independently as much closer to my original friend.

That kind of thing. We do both have other friends that the other person doesn't really know/in some cases never met and I have friends in couples who I've never met their partner or only briefly etc.

Noseofbrie · 12/10/2020 19:51

We have a mix of couple friends but also our own group of friends. We met through the dc and sport etc, some are from school days. So we go on holidays with our friends separately as well as main family holidays.
But it’s whatever suits you- if your Dh is just fine then I wouldn’t worry what everyone else is doing.
Some people are quite happy not doing all the social stuff.

byvirtue · 12/10/2020 19:52

The problem is whilst I love my friends I’m invariably not that fussed about spending time with their partners/husbands.

We have the odd couple friends but I prefer going out with my friends and leaving the husband home to babysit!

Original poster
Creatingausername · 12/10/2020 20:20

@StillCoughingandLaughing I think I would just like to he able to have people over that both of us like to hang out with. I also would like it if he had more friends but I would like us to socialise together with others more

OP posts:
eatthepineapple · 12/10/2020 20:23

We have a few!

My friend from childhood and her husband. Obv the friendship started through us girls but the boys get on so well even though they are total opposites in many ways. Went on holiday with them and the kids get on well too.

Another friend I met through work and her husband - we get on well as couple friends and tend to meet up all together, though not as much recently. We've also been on holiday with them (pre-baby!)

They are mainly friends met through me but my husband often speaks to the men more often than I do to my friends so I would say their friendships are now independent of the "couple" thing too, if that makes sense!

We have another couple friends we met through NCT but don't get to see them as much-prob would have done over the summer if it wasn't for lockdown!

FluffySunshineBunny · 14/10/2020 00:39

@Creatingausername I think we (as in most people) wish we had more friends or different type of friends etc. I wish I had more friends or had a group of friends to hang out.

What I'm trying to say is that I think it's normal to wish we more/less/different friends.