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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you have a lot of couple friends?

43 replies

Creatingausername · 12/10/2020 16:31

My Dh and I only have 1 set of couple friends that we met through our children. I would like to have more but it seems to be really hard to find and maintain these friendships. I have friends but we meet up without the husbands and the situation has never arisen that we would do a couple date. These are friends I've had for years but it's never happened tho they have met and know my husband. My husband doesn't really have many friends because of the hours he works and he says it doesn't bother him but I am a social person and need to have friends. I'd really like to make more couple friends so how do you go about it? I'm worried that as the kids get older it is harder to meet people.
So do you have many friends and how did you meet them?

OP posts:

miimblemomble · 14/10/2020 07:19

We have one where the woman is one of my best friends, and her DP gets on really well with DH: we do things together as two families (kids have known each other since babyhood - they are 13 now!) and DH and I individually meet up with him / her do our own things. DH is heading off for the day with her DP this weekend to do a specific activity, while she and I will get together with the kids. It’s a great friendship.

We have a couple of other couple friends, one of which is my sister and her DP. We stay with them a few times a year and have a blast :-)

But that’s it tbh: most of my friends predate DH or they are mum friends, and we are happy to stick with separate friends.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 14/10/2020 07:46

We don’t have any! We tend to have separate friends though we did get meet and get married in our late 30’s, and come from different cities. We occasionally have a night out with DH’s friends and the wives/girlfriends come along - they are nice but I don’t tend to see them other than on these occasions. All of my close friends are divorced.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 14/10/2020 07:48

I quite like having separate friends - DH and I both work part time and spend a lot of time together so it’s nice having some time apart with our own friends.

dangerrabbit · 14/10/2020 07:52

No, we both have friends but don't have friends as a couple.

PicsInRed · 14/10/2020 08:19

@Heatherjayne1972

Well. We had a few when I was married But then we divorced and they all took his side and believed his lies So they were his friends really b

This is what I've read and heard - often the man takes the friends as the woman is seen as a single "threat" - even though she isn't remotely interested in the other men! They then become friends with the new woman (or even OW), which is a further painful insult to injury for the wife. She just slots right out and the new gf slots right into her seat.

I've even heard this happens to women who are widowed - many married friends just fade away after an initial burst of public comfort. Awful.

ellenpartridge · 14/10/2020 08:24

Yes lots. Some are originally friends of my husband, some are originally friends of mine, and some are joint friends eg couples that we met via NCT a few years ago. Most of our friends are married/couples and obviously one of us will sometimes meet one friend without the partner but if we were having eg a BBQ or dinner both would be invited

Irisheyesrsmiling · 14/10/2020 09:00

As a single parent I don't. I have friends in couples and am friendly with partners but different for obvious reasons.

I notice my friends in late 30's and 40's whose dc are in private fee-paying schools have far more couple friends. Regular outings and dinner parties. Mostly those whose dc started at those schools when very young and parents more involved than those who went to fee paying at 11+. But the five families I know in this situation whose dc started attending between age 3 and 4, all pre-covid have several things a month with said friends, dinner parties, BBQ's, even weekends away where they all book in same hotel or area etc.

The only other people I know who do met them through a religion/faith situation when dc very young as well. Three couples and they have holiday celebrations, two weekends away/year, dc all best friends even though older ones are now teens. Having said that, it wouldn't be my cup of tea as it is literally their social circle, all social things they do are in some sort of makeup of these 3 couples. To me I'd get bored and I like having friends from all different walks of life/situations and have no desire to only have friends who are like me. In 5 years they haven't socialized with anyone outside of these 3 couples tho sometimes the women or men will just do something together like a film etc, it's always some assortment of the six. No one else in.

I think sometimes the media makes couple friends seem far more prevalent than they likely are for most people. Most people may have 1-2 couple friends and that's it.

PinkAndFabulous · 14/10/2020 09:01

Yes and we are all very close. We really miss each other through this time.
We all met through a shared interest we have.

VestaTilley · 14/10/2020 09:17

We do, but it’s more from where I or DH was friends with her/him before, then as we’ve all paired off we’ve become couple friends. Some of whom were already couples (and friends of DH’s) before I met him.

I appreciate it must be hard to make couple friends of the situation isn’t already half made, if you see what I mean.

My DPs made loads of couple friends when we were at school 20+ years ago- also through church and a babysitting circle. Being outgoing and involved in your community helps.

Of course it’s easier too if you’ve all got things in common and have similar interests- otherwise the only thing to talk about would be the children.

Toothsil · 14/10/2020 09:24

We have one couple. DH is best friends with him, I'm best friends with her. We used to have another 2 sets of couple friends. With one of them, the husband stopped speaking to DH because he doesn't like the husband of our "best friends couple" - childish! Then the wife suddenly stopped speaking to me too. With the other couple, the wife fell out with me over our kids last year because the kids fell out very briefly then made up again, but not before she'd had a huge go at me about how awful we all are. We still speak to the husband if we see him around. So we are sticking now to that one couple. I'm beginning to struggle to trust people, I like to keep my friends circle small.

Rosebel · 14/10/2020 09:28

None at all. I haven't even met most my husbands friends other half. I only have a couple of friends anyway but it doesn't bother me.
It's impossible for us to get a babysitter so works better if we go out separately.

Ragwort · 14/10/2020 09:33

Very, very few and we've been married over 30 years . We tend to like very different people, I think some of my DH's friends are bores and he thinks the same about mine.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 14/10/2020 09:36

we don't have couple friends.
I have my friends, and he will sometimes join us for a swift half. Likewise I get on reasonably well with his, but wouldn't see them as my friends IYSWIM.

in fact, I think the whole "couple friends" concept was irrevocably marred for me when, pre DC, my future DH and I met up with my uni mate and his new GF for a meal. As we moved from the bar to our table my mate suddenly pulled a face and said "oh christ - I've just realised we're on a double date ".

Igotthemheavyboobs · 14/10/2020 09:36

We have quite a few, most met through work but we worked together for years so friends were mainly joint.

I then have 3 couple friends that I have known since early childhood and my dp is also now friends with so we do couply things with them.

GunsAndShips · 14/10/2020 09:37

We do. Our old neighbours, the parents of ds's best friend, parents of dd's best friends x 2, DH's best friend and his dw and then three other couples we met through a hobby. The three we met through a hobby, we go camping with twice a year and we all have children of a similar age who get on too.

We have separate friends too who we see on our own.

For us, it's just evolved naturally. Ironically, I'm a total introvert and don't crave company.

Redwolf1 · 14/10/2020 09:43

I started dating my dh when I was 19, his friends are all great and started getting girlfriends at roughly the same time and all of us girls became friends to and now 10 years later we do lots in couples.

I have a different set of friends who are my main friends but my husband isnt friends with their ohs so its kept separate

But with my husbands friends we go out as couples or I can have a girls night to which is awesome

2pinkginsplease · 14/10/2020 09:48

We sometimes go out with friends and their partners but not often.

When partners are there a night out has a different dynamic than just a girlie night which I'd prefer to go on.

yelyah22 · 14/10/2020 10:18

A few, but we mostly have our own friendship groups - works for us!

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