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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buying one child a gift

43 replies

Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 15:40

I can't decide if I am being unreasonable or not, so thought I'd don the hard hat and ask. If you were to buy a gift for a 5 year old when you were on holiday, would you buy the child's younger sibling 2.5 years something too?

Am I being unreasonable to think that you should get something for each. I wouldn't expect to buy something for both on birthdays. I just think a random gift from a trip is different.

OP posts:
altiara · 12/10/2020 15:41

I think it’s unreasonable to treat one child differently.

Shoppingwithmother · 12/10/2020 15:43

Yes you should get something for both

Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 15:45

See its not the first time it's happened my parents took the eldest out, he got tea out (which I am fine with) came back with a toy. Nothing for youngest who was not quite old enough to understand.

This gift is my bil, they took eldest out when they came to visit. He also got a toy then too. Again nothing for the youngest, I feel bad for my youngest especially as he's now old enough to understand.

OP posts:
BobsyerUncleFannysyerAunt · 12/10/2020 15:50

I think it's a bit thoughtless but we'll meant
I'd say just thank you and next time say having tea out is enough of a treat so no toys

AryaStarkWolf · 12/10/2020 15:53

Oh that's really mean, I wouldn't like that at all

Sunnydaysstillhere · 12/10/2020 15:56

Ils went on holiday 5 times within a few months when ds was born. Bought for older dc and not the actual dgc!!
A sign of what was to be ime.
Not acceptable!!

micc · 12/10/2020 15:57

Aw yeah I think that's a bit mean.
My parents were always so strict on making it even, still even now!!

Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 16:01

@BobsyerUncleFannysyerAunt I agree it's meant well. I do appreciate the gifts. It just smarts a little for the youngest. I am just debating whether to bring it up and say please don't buy one without the other. I did to my parents after the first time. It's just a bit more difficult when it's my inlaws.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 12/10/2020 16:08

@Scoobygang7

See its not the first time it's happened my parents took the eldest out, he got tea out (which I am fine with) came back with a toy. Nothing for youngest who was not quite old enough to understand.

This gift is my bil, they took eldest out when they came to visit. He also got a toy then too. Again nothing for the youngest, I feel bad for my youngest especially as he's now old enough to understand.

I actually think that's alright, as the gift is part of the treat of a day out.

What I don't think is OK, is that it seems they only take the eldest out and not the youngest. Obviously they don't have to take them both at the same time if that's too much, but youngest should get a turn at being taken out too, along with all the treats and gifts that entails.

If eldest is always being taken out and treated, and youngest never gets a turn, then that's not OK.

AmIACowBag · 12/10/2020 16:12

I brought 6 year old nephew a gift from my last holiday but not his 7 month old sister and thought nothing of it. I think I would have if she was older but it was basically tat from a rubbish gift shop.

AmIACowBag · 12/10/2020 16:15

I think YABU if it's just that they took the eldest on a day trip and he or she got a gift from that I don't see the issue, the youngest didn't go. I'm sure if he/she did go they would get a gift.

Dreading2020sSeasonFinale · 12/10/2020 16:15

Aw that's really sad! And cruel! It should be gifts and days out for both!

I treat my three kids (aged 8, 10 and 13) differently because they're different and have different wants and needs. Just the other day we went shopping, bought 10yo a tracksuit because she needed one now, bought one for 8yo to get at Christmas because he has plenty of clothes and DD aged 13 got nothing because she doesn't need anything. 13 yo however got two pairs of trainers last month because she needed/wanted them. It evens out but I would never just buy a gift for one and not the others, even if it was just a packet of sweets for no reason. Same goes for my niece and nephew.

Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 16:19

@AmIACowbag at that age I'd be fine with it, lack of comprehension. My issue is youngest is old enough to understand he's not got something

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 12/10/2020 16:22

I wouldn’t mention the gifts, but next time they suggest taking your five year old out ask if they could take your younger child out instead, as it’s their turn.

Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 16:24

Just to be clear if one gets something the need ie grown out of/ broken needs replacing. I wouldn't but the other something just because I bought the other. Birthdays I don't expect them both to get things on eachol others birthday. That I can manage and explain that they'd get something in their birthday and the other won't. If I don't say something will they keep missing my youngest out and how do I explain that

My issue is treats, gifts from holiday, should in my eyes be one each.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 16:28

The reason they didn't take the youngest is we don't see them physically very regular as we live a while away. So youngest hasn't really been with anyone without us much. My parents took them both for a few hours on a day out. Once but big one is the only one comfortable enough to feel safe going.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 12/10/2020 16:37

As long as it evens up and they take youngest out when hes a similar age on his own I don't see an issue.

FamBae · 12/10/2020 17:12

I can never understand the thought process of leaving a sibling out, surely the child who has not had the day out for whatever reason should get the gift, and I would ask the child that I was spending the quality / fun time with to help choose it.

mrsm43s · 12/10/2020 17:14

@Scoobygang7

The reason they didn't take the youngest is we don't see them physically very regular as we live a while away. So youngest hasn't really been with anyone without us much. My parents took them both for a few hours on a day out. Once but big one is the only one comfortable enough to feel safe going.
In this case, I'm inclined to think that if youngest doesn't go on the day out, then they can't expect the treats from the day out. When they are old enough to go for days out, they will no doubt come home clutching a new toy too! Presumably you do something special with the youngest whilst the eldest has the day out? So it might be a good idea for you to treat the youngest to a new toy on your day out with him.

Gifts brought back from holidays, I'd think one each or a shared gift.

ibblebibbledibble · 12/10/2020 17:15

I think that’s fine actually, it was bought while they were out. If it was just a random gift I’d say it was unfair.

Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 17:19

The one today was just a random gift, I mentioned the others to give context to why it annoyed me more than the rest

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 12/10/2020 17:30

I would expect them to buy for both or neither, and I would have to ask them to do this in future.

It is a basic requirement of adults not to deliberately hurt the feelings of young dc.

Favouritism damages both kids.

beinggood · 12/10/2020 17:47

I was surprised that it was fine for Attenborough to give George a present but not Charlotte or indeed Louis.

mrsm43s · 12/10/2020 17:48

@Scoobygang7

The one today was just a random gift, I mentioned the others to give context to why it annoyed me more than the rest
Random gift, I would think needs to be equal. Arguably it could be random gifts given to them each at different times, rather than always two gifts together, but fundamentally they should equally be treated to the same number of random gifts. Have they never bought something for youngest without buying for eldest? It might just be that they haven't realised that youngest is old enough to notice/care (and toys for under 3s tend to be dull - so much more exciting stuff in the 3+ age range!)
Original poster
Scoobygang7 · 12/10/2020 18:23

@mrsm43s no never bought for the youngest

OP posts:
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