To be pissed off?

[treaclepumpkin]

Bought my husband a fish tank for his birthday a few months ago. He has always said he wanted one, for years and years and had been talking actively of getting one earlier in the year. Anyhoo, I buy the tank as a surprise, spend comfortably in excess of £500, possibly £600 on tank, cabinet and various accessories.

Anyway, it's not really about the money. A few months down the line, my husband is over the fish. Thinks the process of cycling a tank and checking water parameters etc is too much hassle. We also had eight fish to start and sadly lost two (platies). No idea what went wrong with the first, the second I'm pretty sure died due to poor water quality.

So that happened this morning, and now he just wants to get rid altogether.

I've very quickly found a buyer, will be able to recoup a third of the costs. But I'm still just annoyed that after spending months learning about fish, so I could buy him his "dream" gift, he can't be bothered to take care of it.

I appreciate in reality he may not have realised what it meant to look after fish, but I'm sure with a little time it would have been easier/more like second nature. I feel like he didn't give it a chance and really is just ungrateful.

I told him I could sell it for £200 and asked if he would like an alternative gift with that. He's said don't bother, just keep the cash. Don't know why, but it's irritated me more

Ungrateful swine. Leave him to it. You've already done enough for him. Keep the money.

I wouldn’t buy him anything else, how ungrateful, he could have at least apologise to you for not liking the present.

That's how I would expect a 9 year old to behave with fish, not a grown adult!

Keep the money and spend it on yourself. Ungrateful git.

Keep the cash and ignore any of his future whimsical notions. He sounds like he's 13.

I do think this is a case of the reality not being what he expected. This happens to me with things I buy for myself all the time. So it’s understandable to be disappointed but, “pissed off”? Really? That’s a bit of an over reaction.

If he’s never actually owned fish before I can understand the reality not living up to the dream to be honest. Did you plan it all as a surprise? I think a gift that requires an ongoing commitment needs to be agreed beforehand even it is a lifelong thing he’s spoken about

You definitely don’t need to get him another gift.
Also not sure why you’ve taken it upon yourself to re-home the tank... surely he should be doing the leg work, it’s his tank.

Did he ask you to get him this as a gift, or did he at least know that you were planning to buy him a tank and fish? It not, then I think it was an error of judgement on your part tbh.

Yep been there.
Desperately wanted the tank and fish but it was alway me cleaning and feeding etc.
They all died and I sold the tank.

You got him a present for him, didn't you? He shouldn't feel obliged to you for it.

Thank God he didn't want a dog.

Honestly this wouldn't really bother me. Did he know you were buying him it before you forked out? Lots of things peoppe say they've always wanted are more of a fantasy thing they wouldn't want to use or do in their every day life. I wouldn't be pleased if something that required such ongoing work and commitment were gifted to me without a conversation agreeing it.

Besides he is right, it sounds a hassle and no fun. Presumably he has suggested you keep the cash because he feels badly over the situation so just keep it.

I'd have made him sell it himself though, you aren't his mother so no need to assume the role by doing this or by being annoyed he won't look after his pets properly. Chalk it up to a learning experience all around. It is an awful lot of money but presumably you had it or wouldn't have it to spare for something that is ultimately non essential.

Did he ask you to get him this as a gift, or did he at least know that you were planning to buy him a tank and fish? It not, then I think it was an error of judgement on your part tbh.

I have this question too

Fish tanks are a nightmare to look after, I'm not at all surprised TBH. I've had ponds and fish tanks and the ponds are much easier to do without the water quality issues of a tank.

His arrogance and selfishness is astounding. I'm not surprised you're pissed off OP, you did a very kind and generous thing. Those poor fish.

So you bought him a present; he really liked it for a few months, but now doesn't like it any more and wants to sell it?

You do know this happens a lot with presents? The recipient is not obliged to love it for ever, just because someone else bought it for them.
Do you still love and treasure every single thing that DH has ever bought you?

You bought it as a surprise, if you had discussed it with him he may have come to the conclusion the reality of it wouldn’t work without going to the trouble to getting one.

I thin yabu to be pissed off, surprise presents often don’t work out.

So you bought him a present; he really liked it for a few months, but now doesn't like it any more and wants to sell it?

it's very unkind.

I've owned fish. Siamese Fighting Fish (bettas) are a good choice for beginners. They were for my daughter and she did love the fish, but my overall thought was 'never again'.
There's a lot more to it than people originally think. And the initial set up is an absolute fortune compared to the price of a wee fishie! It's like buying Harrods only to put a Poundland inside

Did he ask you to get him this as a gift, or did he at least know that you were planning to buy him a tank and fish? It not, then I think it was an error of judgement on your part tbh.

It's in the very first post.

Anyhoo, I buy the tank as a surprise,

Not the thing to buy as a surprise, even if he was talking about it.
It was a waste of money for you - but it’s not like he’s a child that wheedled you into it.
Don’t expect him to keep going with the hassle of it when he doesn’t want it, to keep you happy.

And I think it’s actually a good thing that he doesn’t want you to spend the recouped money on him.

I have a 5ft fish tank, they're bloody hard work, if your not dedicated to it, it can become a chore.

Constantly cleaning, checking water, feeding, buying replacement parts, like my pump cut out Friday afternoon, another £50 just for a powerhead.
I bought my tank myself, the responsibility was on me, but if someone else got it for me and I wasn't 100% into it, I'd probably want rid too

Oops, missed that bit ikiboo. Thank you.

I think it was a mistake to buy it as a surprise. Perhaps the reason he'd thought about it before but never bought one was because he didn't want that level of commitment? I would not wish to receive a gift that required that much work, even if it was something that I liked the idea of. I'd rather make that commitment for myself, having thought about it carefully.