To be pissed off?

[treaclepumpkin]

Bought my husband a fish tank for his birthday a few months ago. He has always said he wanted one, for years and years and had been talking actively of getting one earlier in the year. Anyhoo, I buy the tank as a surprise, spend comfortably in excess of £500, possibly £600 on tank, cabinet and various accessories.

Anyway, it's not really about the money. A few months down the line, my husband is over the fish. Thinks the process of cycling a tank and checking water parameters etc is too much hassle. We also had eight fish to start and sadly lost two (platies). No idea what went wrong with the first, the second I'm pretty sure died due to poor water quality.

So that happened this morning, and now he just wants to get rid altogether.

I've very quickly found a buyer, will be able to recoup a third of the costs. But I'm still just annoyed that after spending months learning about fish, so I could buy him his "dream" gift, he can't be bothered to take care of it.

I appreciate in reality he may not have realised what it meant to look after fish, but I'm sure with a little time it would have been easier/more like second nature. I feel like he didn't give it a chance and really is just ungrateful.

I told him I could sell it for £200 and asked if he would like an alternative gift with that. He's said don't bother, just keep the cash. Don't know why, but it's irritated me more

@BlueThistles

So you bought him a present; he really liked it for a few months, but now doesn't like it any more and wants to sell it?

it's very unkind.

Why so? Is he obliged to pretend to love it for ever just to keep OP happy? Is there a time after which it is ok for him not to want it any more?

Have to admit, this is why I ask people not to buy me gifts. I get fed up of showing what the giver thinks is the appropriate level of appreciation about the gift. Particularly when it's something that I didn't really want in the first place (and, for all his talk of wanting fish, the DH's lack of doing anything about it would suggest to me he perhaps wasn't that bothered about it).

I would be annoyed too. It’s a lot of money and I agree with his idea didn’t live up to the reality. I suspect if you had of spent a lot less you wouldn’t of minded so much Op.

I don't think it is a good idea to buy pets as a surprise. It sounds like a big time commitment that he didn't necessarily want. I would chalk this one up to experience tbh.

Just be clear, I bought it because he had already told my brother in law he was going to take our eldest to a fish store as son as things were less crazy Covid wise (back in March he said this) and wanted to him to go too as he had fish already. So there was a plan to get fish, I just made it happen.

I guess what I'm really annoyed about is the fact I feel like he hasn't really tried. We have had the tank a few months now, but fish have been in for maybe 3-4 weeks maximum.

I didn't need him to love it forever, but (1) at least give it a proper go and (2) be more polite about no longer wanting it.

Again, the money itself I don't really care about. It's a gift, so once the money was spent, I wasn't looking for it back. Probably shouldn't have mentioned it, but was more about me really trying to get him something that I'd thought about and spent that money because I wanted to buy something he would appreciate.

I'm cool with being told IABU, I asked the question not because I wanted everyone to agree with me, but because I wanted other perspectives.

I can see where he is coming from to an extent. I guess I'm disappointed because I thought I'd done something so amazing, bought the perfect gift and it wasn't.

So reality not matching expectations on both sides I guess

It seems a shame that you've put so much effort into the whole thing and learnt about fish to have it dismissed after 3/4 weeks.. What about keeping it and populating it yourself, it sounds like you were into the idea too. They can be so beautiful. Make it beautiful for yourself. I'd rather do that than lose all that time and effort and only get £200 back.

Moondust001

Thank God he didn't want a dog.

I was thinking this as I was reading.

To be fair fish are damn hard and it doesnt ever get easier. We had fish for 2 years and they are the hardest to care for (properly) pet we ever had and cost a fortune.

Eventually they all got sick and died very slowley over 4 months for no identifiable reason (we took them to 3 specialist aquatic centres for tests and the standard bloody vets) and I think the snail killed them (they all got sick right after we added a snail to the tank, although theres no reason that should have happened)

After they died we didnt bother getting anymore and decided to get our kids cats instead because they are WAY easier than fish (but we originally assumed it would be the other way round)