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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at last minute plans changing?

39 replies

dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 18:10

My boyfriend and I have had an up and down few months, almost breaking up several times due to work stress, covid lockdown etc. We finally feel like we've got back to a good place...

We do not live together so he's been staying with me and my DC's for the last couple of weeks. We arranged for me to come and stay with him this weekend, leaving tonight. The DC are with their dad for the weekend, but do not have overnights, so I'd arranged for my parents to stay here. They've obviously packed their bags, I've packed mine, organised plans revolving around being away this weekend...

To be honest he didn't seem overly keen with me coming this weekend, he had very little enthusiasm but whenever I asked him he said I should come... I then get a text saying his lodger (also his best friend) had arranged for all the guys to come over tomorrow and that he had jobs to do at home so he would come to mine during the week next week and me and DC could come and stay with him during half term. I then said I was annoyed as I'd packed, got my parents involved, organised it all... so he said I should come but it wouldn't be much fun as he just wanted a 'chill' weekend. He's obviously not that assed about me coming, as in the first instance he was more than happy to let me down when he heard about plans with his friends.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

OP posts:
Oneandzero · 09/10/2020 18:11

Tbf - he has showed a lack of enthusiasm for you staying (not a good sign btw!) that you steadfastly chose to ignore.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2020 18:12

Find a new boyfriend. He's inconsiderate and not worth the drama.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 09/10/2020 18:13

This relationship is as dead as a door nail. Ditch him and be with someone who can’t wait to spend the weekend with you. Flowers

Oneandzero · 09/10/2020 18:14

How long have you been together?

Original poster
dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 18:14

We've been together 18 months.

OP posts:
willloman · 09/10/2020 18:15

He has other plans.

Original poster
dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 18:16

@willloman What do you mean?

OP posts:
Howlooseisyourgoose · 09/10/2020 18:17

To actually answer your question, I would HATE this. Kids packed, you’ve packed, all organised. It’s not easy and he doesn’t give a shit.

BrowncoatWaffles · 09/10/2020 18:17

If you have money to do it and your parents wouldn't mind, I'd be tempted to check into a hotel (even a cheapish one - lots of deals at the mo!), have tasty food, early night, maybe a glass of wine and some blissful peace (although I appreciate this may depend on the age of your DC and how much time you get without them normally - I may also be projecting ;))

Either way, I think this relationship is over. He doesn't want to spend time with you. It's brutal but it's true, and you deserve better.

CakeGirl2020 · 09/10/2020 18:18

Sounds like this relationship has run its course.

If they wanted too they would, Remember that

islockdownoveryet · 09/10/2020 18:19

To be honest he didn't seem overly keen with me coming this weekend
Oh come on I don't mean to be rude but surely if someone doesn't seam keen then why would you press ahead .
Stay home with your dc and don't waste any more time on him .
It's the old saying he's just not that into you .

TheChosenTwo · 09/10/2020 18:19

He doesn’t sound that into you is what I take from that.
I wouldn’t bother and instead would be looking to book myself in to somewhere nice (loads of hotels currently have a huge amount of space and are cheaper than usual) if funds allowed.

Howlooseisyourgoose · 09/10/2020 18:20

@BrowncoatWaffles that’s a great idea! There’s some great deals on Wowcher, 2 nights in a Southampton spa hotel £59pn, 2 nights at a 4* hotel by a Scottish loch for £130,

Jokie · 09/10/2020 18:21

He definitely doesn't sound invested in the relationship and I'd be taking that as a sign to dump him.

beaglelover2 · 09/10/2020 18:23

you deserve better x

Original poster
dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 18:24

I persisted because every time I asked about coming and said he didn't seem too keen and I understood if he wanted a weekend to himself he'd say, 'no I want you to come over.' Or words to that effect.

I am going to do something lovely for myself tomorrow which DC are with their dad. I've already told my parents not to stay anymore which they weren't particularly happy about it as they've already packed the car up.

OP posts:
CreamCabbages · 09/10/2020 18:36

YANBU- sounds like he has no consideration for the impact that changing plans last minute have.

It’s immature and irresponsible IMHO.

CreamCabbages · 09/10/2020 18:36

To add- also selfish

bonjonbovi · 09/10/2020 18:39

Dump the dickhead.

1forAll74 · 09/10/2020 18:51

No proper loyalty to you, or how all this makes you feel, so now you have the measure of him !

hypochondriacseveywhere · 09/10/2020 19:10

He doesn't see you as a priority.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 09/10/2020 19:22

He isn't interested in having you go to his. He likes going to yours as you do all the work. You can do better. You wasted 18 months don't waste any more time.

Porridgeoat · 09/10/2020 19:37

It’s a bit late for him to cancel, it’s not just a night out together, it’s a weekend away. A couple of days notice fine, perfectly ok. Two hours notice to cancel a weekend away quite mean.

Original poster
dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 23:07

He just keeps texting me telling me to come over, but the fact is his first instinct was to cancel on me in favour of other plans that had come up...

OP posts:
ZezetteEpouseX · 09/10/2020 23:19

Childish drama would have made me feel claustrophobic in my early 20s, but if you have kids! Who has time for that nonsense.