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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at last minute plans changing?

39 replies

dilemmaboyfriend · 09/10/2020 18:10

My boyfriend and I have had an up and down few months, almost breaking up several times due to work stress, covid lockdown etc. We finally feel like we've got back to a good place...

We do not live together so he's been staying with me and my DC's for the last couple of weeks. We arranged for me to come and stay with him this weekend, leaving tonight. The DC are with their dad for the weekend, but do not have overnights, so I'd arranged for my parents to stay here. They've obviously packed their bags, I've packed mine, organised plans revolving around being away this weekend...

To be honest he didn't seem overly keen with me coming this weekend, he had very little enthusiasm but whenever I asked him he said I should come... I then get a text saying his lodger (also his best friend) had arranged for all the guys to come over tomorrow and that he had jobs to do at home so he would come to mine during the week next week and me and DC could come and stay with him during half term. I then said I was annoyed as I'd packed, got my parents involved, organised it all... so he said I should come but it wouldn't be much fun as he just wanted a 'chill' weekend. He's obviously not that assed about me coming, as in the first instance he was more than happy to let me down when he heard about plans with his friends.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 09/10/2020 23:19

He doesn’t seem very interested at all. Move on.

Terrace58 · 10/10/2020 04:56

He wants to hang with his guy friends at a whim instead of recognizing how much effort is involved for you to get free time. He just isn’t at the right point in life to be your bf.

seayork2020 · 10/10/2020 05:14

Maybe he is looking for simplicity?

PineappleUpsideDownCake · 10/10/2020 05:20

Absolutely move on. I don't think he'll ever be aware of the role of kids in your life and plans if he isn't 18 months in!

Why not hve your parents to stay anyway. Youre cancelling on them at short notice just likebhe is on you.

seayork2020 · 10/10/2020 05:26

And no offence to your parents but what do they need to pack the car up for? A bag with some clothes in it would not take much room? (Yes a side issue)

Sparticuscaticus · 10/10/2020 05:32

After 18 months & the rest, he knows your set up and how much work went into organising cover for DCs so you could stay at his. And if he doesn't then that's a big flag.

He doesn't care, he'd rather see how he felt as weekend got closer, and go on that, rather than give thought to impact on you, your DPs and DCs. Im sure he'll have an excuse and talk you round. Just as I'm sure that this relationship isn't going anywhere good (unless you want a life accepting that you're low on his priorities)

Jenny70 · 10/10/2020 05:49

@seayork2020 my father used a walking frame, bed rail and other disability equipment that would need to be packed up. Both parents take various medications that they usually just dumped in box rather than taking exactly the right medication tablets for the night. My mother also prefers her own pillow, so she'd probably put that in. And maybe with clothes, phone charger, change shoes - so on top of clothes and pj's that is probably "packing the car" in their terms.

Or maybe they'd decided to take the kids bike riding the next morning, so put their bikes on a bike rack. All kinds of things that don't take much imagination to think that they have "packed up" and are annoyed they didn't need to do that.

And OP, he's not thinking about you at all. Presumably, opportunities like this are rare - weekend at Dad's, parents available to stay, yet he blows you off for flatmates dropping by. And then "relents" once you've changed back plans.

chatterbugmegastar · 10/10/2020 05:58

He's not into you, doesn't think about how his decisions will affect you .... get rid

Monty27 · 10/10/2020 06:04

He made zero effort to spend some potentially, special time with you. Not good. Be strong

ivfbeenbusy · 10/10/2020 06:53

How old is he? Anyone who lives with their best mate is never going to be a good bet - the "boys" will always come first

Shoxfordian · 10/10/2020 08:00

He's not that into you
Just dump him

Original poster
dilemmaboyfriend · 10/10/2020 11:59

He just keeps texting me saying that I should come over, now he’s saying that we can just hang out in his room whilst all his guy friends are over...

I think the fact he was happy to let me down in the first place speaks volumes. He has never been the most reliable or organised, I would say at least 50% of plans don’t end up happening due to one reason or another, and I am always preempting him cancelling or rearranging. I don’t think it’s childish drama to expect someone to stick to plans they have made with you and not cancel at the last minute.

I had my parents over for dinner instead of staying over. They raised some good points too, it’s being unreliable and disrespectful of them and their time too.

OP posts:
Oneandzero · 10/10/2020 17:20

@dilemmaboyfriend

He just keeps texting me saying that I should come over, now he’s saying that we can just hang out in his room whilst all his guy friends are over...

I think the fact he was happy to let me down in the first place speaks volumes. He has never been the most reliable or organised, I would say at least 50% of plans don’t end up happening due to one reason or another, and I am always preempting him cancelling or rearranging. I don’t think it’s childish drama to expect someone to stick to plans they have made with you and not cancel at the last minute.

I had my parents over for dinner instead of staying over. They raised some good points too, it’s being unreliable and disrespectful of them and their time too.

Quite simply - I wouldn’t want someone like this around my children.
Elieza · 10/10/2020 17:43

Yeah dump and move on.

The reason he’s asking you over is probably because he wants a shag.

He’s not that into you but he likes sex. And after that he can make his excuses to go downstairs and hang with the guys as he reckons you can just stay upstairs lazing about alone. And if you complained he’d probably be all ‘babe, I thought you’d like to chill because dc are away so that’s the only reason I went downstairs, to give you peace. It’s all about you, you know I love you”.., and other such pish.

Sod that. The guys an immature prick who has no respect and isn’t ready to be a step dad any time soon.

You deserve better.

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