Is smoking a deal breaker for anyone else?

[Nousernameslefttouse]

AIBU not to date a nice guy just because he's a cigarette smoker?

YANBU. I smoke occasionally when I've had a drink (I know, I know, you don't have to tell me how gross it is) and when I was online dating I completely respected the fact that some people put it straight out there that they didn't want to date a smoker. I had my own deal-breakers so couldn't complain about anyone else's.

What I didn't like was my EXH who knew full well that I smoked when we met (and not just when I was drinking at that stage) and then proceeded over the years to get more and more aggressively shitty with me about it despite my making successful efforts to cut right back. If he felt that strongly he should never have dated me in the first place.

DP has smoked for 20 years and is now coming up for 2 weeks without a cigarette. I didn't mind kissing him beforehand but it's much more pleasant now!

It would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me. I couldn’t cope with the smell, I wouldn’t be willing to raise kids with a smoker, and I’d be anxious about them dying early from cancer or emphysema.

constantly being left to go to smoking or area or having to go with them and breathe it in, debates on whether they can smoke inside in a shared home etc

Just a note on the above @LonelyFromCorona, what you describe there is more about the person being plain rude or selfish than the fact they're a smoker.

I have never left a non-smoking friend or partner sitting alone to go to a smoking area and neither has my DP. We've never had a discussion about smoking inside because neither of us want our home to smell of smoke, we smoke outside or not at all.

It is possible to both smoke and be a considerate human being.

A guy I know always wondered why we never got together, despite the fact we clearly clicked. There was always great chemistry between us.

Truthfully, it's because he's a smoker. I never told him, but I knew he'd smoked for years before I met him, and didn't want to stop, so who was I to say anything?

It is possible to both smoke and be a considerate human being

But not a fragrant one.

It would put me straight off.

Disgusting.

@Yellowjackets

It is possible to both smoke and be a considerate human being

But not a fragrant one.

Well that's a different point.

It just rattles me a little that smokers are often tarred with a brush that suggests cigarettes come above all else in their lives and while yes I suppose for some they do, not for all.

I can't describe myself as a non-smoker although a 20 pack lasts me a couple of weeks or more, but I would NEVER smoke around children, I will get up and move away from an outside table if people around are eating or sitting very close, I'd never leave a friend alone while I went to smoke and so on, and I don't smoke while walking down the street, queuing for a shop or anywhere else that would be overtly anti-social.

I went on a date with a man who was amazing! We had so much in common, he was funny and handsome, really hitting it off. After dinner he said, "Do you mind if I go for a cigarette", and I said "actually, I really don't like smoking" and he said "well, I won't give up" so we didn't see each other again.

My ex husband was a smoker (and an alcoholic, but that's another story...)

I didn't realise how much he stank or how it clung to my clothes until I'd left him.

Mynow husband gave up smoking when we first met because I wouldn't date a smoker 🚬😁

No.

I find it repulsive.

I wouldn't date a smoker but I do love the breath of a smoker when it is mixed with beer and aftershave. Ahh miss clubbing and snogging in the 90's

Dealbreaker here too
My dh had packed in smoking when we met but I believe smoking has left him with health problems

I dont go near smokers at all. Its gross, they always stink of it, cant imagine kissing someone with fag breath

Send him my way. I'm not fussed. I might haver the odd one with him

When I smoked, I wouldn't have dated a smoker as I didn't fancy licking an ashtray when we kissed (I was not much in demand myself!).
I stopped smoking with the aid of Champix, and it was very easy indeed. Now I wouldn't even want a friend who smoked, as I should not want to smell like a smoker.

I think it being a deal breaker is a bit OTT tbh. There’s so many feckless twats out there, if I met a great guy and the only downside was smoking I would still date him if he was receptive to quitting in the future. Not as bad as much of the behaviour I read about on here.

If my DW of 24 years started smoking I would end the relationship.

I am an ex smoker and the smell/taste of it isn't something that hugely bothers me. But my ex-husband was a seriously heavy smoker (think needing three fags in the morning before work) and I grew to absolutely loathe it. More because I couldn't stand the addiction element of it than that I hated the small. I couldn't respect anyone who had such little self-control. He couldn't even stop when our DD was diagnosed with asthma and that was one of many red lines for me in the marriage.

Wouldnt bother me but YANBU to have your own deal breaker.

Perfectly reasonable. Being with someone who smokes massively impacts your life. It wastes money, is bad for the environment, is bad for you and your children to be around them, they smell and they'll probably die young - these are valid reasons not to want to be with someone.

Total dealbreaker for me, I won’t allow anyone to smoke in my home. Even my beloved dad before he died (of lung cancer) had to go outside for a smoke.

Definitely not. I'd be put off by the smell etc. But mainly by the health implications. Having watched several family members die young of illnesses (almost certainly) directly caused by smoking I couldn't go there again.

Don't date people for whatever reason you want! There's no moral obligation to give someone a go... I'm a smoker, I still think it's a perfectly fair reason.

I def wouldnt again. I married a smoker it was infuriating.
Everywhere we went he'd constantly be looking for somewhere he could have a smoke, or we'd be walking down the street chatting away and We'd walk into a shop and I'd suddenly find I was talking to myself as he'd stopped outside for a fag!