That girl

[Brieminewine]

AIBU or does anyone look back at their younger years and feel sorry for 'that girl'? Full disclosure I'm from a normal family, good childhood, no abuse etc, pretty standard 90s childhood.

I don't know if it's because of joining MN and reading peoples awful stories and thinking of some things that happened that probably weren't okay, or if it's just because I'm getting older and realising it wasn't quite right.

Nothing especially traumatic happened but sometimes I think back about times I wanted to say no but didn't and situations I found myself in that I really shouldn't have been in. Things like working in a pub at 14 and being harassed by locals and the landlady doing nothing, walking home school at 15 and a guy about 23 pulling over daily pursuing me until I was 'seeing' him but making me keep it a secret. Nights out when I didn't want to talk to a guy but they pester you and just giving in and chatting.

At the time you just think it's life and growing up but now I'm a mum I would be devastated if that was my daughter and I swear that my girl will always say no and know her own worth. Is it just me or does anyone else think things have changed so much over these recent years your adolescence years just don't sit right with you anymore?

My own experience is that I was young and I learnt lessons. My DD will learn lessons - different lessons. She will face different challenges and different dangers. Some things have changed for the better - some for the worse.

We hope that our kids will not experience some of the worst things that we did. They might, they might not.

I look back at "that girl" and often wish things had been different or I had known what I know now but I survived.

@BitOfFun

Why would a trigger warning be necessary ?

If you have to ask that you have no fucking idea.... Which is good really.

@RobynTripp Thanks for having my back, that comment actually made me cry.

@RichAndThickLikeCoffee

I think I'd I hadn't painted myself as a victim and just made the best of it, not looked for attention of sympathy.for my.problems I would have had a better life but it's no point regretting the past. We can only move forwards.

I think your overly harsh on yourself. My therapist told me that sometimes acting out is the only way to cope. You probably handled it the only way you knew how at the time.... Tho it's sometimes very hard to thathom in hindsight.

@IsAnybodyListening

I thought they would think I was lying too. My life sounded rediculous even to me but they took me very seriously and it really helped.

@Elizaaa

When I look back at situations and things we used to do, I'm amazed we're all still alive.

Yes 100% this!

It’s mad that so many of you agree! I’ve never really gave it too much thought but now I sit and think men really did take advantage of a younger me and I wish I felt able to say no in some situations! I’m not a victim and have never felt I’ve been one or being wronged but now looking back some things really weren’t right. And that’s for me and the majority of girls I knew to be honest! Why did we accept it! Scummy bloody men!!

I was born in 1960. Parents divorced when I was 12 and mother was a bit of a girl, probably an early IT girl and it was all a bit scandalous but she was well cared for growing up.

I recall my mother and grandmother both giving me good advice about all boys and men wanting "A good time" and not to give them it. Being advised that I shouldn't go alone with chaps after a dance, stick with my friends, etc.. Because you cd get used, pregnant, get a reputation. I had a good social life bit my parents had to be told where I was going, who I was with, how I was getting home (did I have taxi money), etc. If I stayed with a friend it had to be arranged in advance and my mother would check up with my friend's mother. There would have been ructions if I hadn't gone
home. I was certainly warned to make sure I knew who chaps were and where they were from. I don't think I ever put myself in a risky situation and under no circumstances would I have been allowed to work in a pub at 14/15.

Hope I've largely passed it on to dd and ds who have good groups of friends And Sunday to Thurs were school nights until after 6the form.

I am sorry some of you suffered. My mum always said it was the "nice" girls who were taken advantage of and made sure I was equipped with a little worldly wiseness.