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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find new music teacher a bit unprofessional

54 replies

MissMessy12 · 08/10/2020 00:27

DD is having piano lessons on zoom in the evenings and has just started with a new teacher. It was her second lesson this evening. Teacher seems really lovely and DD likes her but tonight I overheard her making a comment about not having enough vodka in her coke which she was drinking whilst teaching DD. Later on I looked her up on social media and she just doesn’t seem like a professional piano teacher in my opinion. She’s more like a party animal and posts lots of memes with bad language and general inappropriate material in my opinion.

I honestly don’t really care what people do- each to their own but I think if you work with children maybe you should tone down the antics on social media? Or do people just not care these days? Would this bother you if your child was being taught by someone you felt behaved inappropriately on SM?

OP posts:

Sycamoretrees · 08/10/2020 00:30

How old is your DD? It does seem a little naive of the teacher not to have her social media locked down tight to stop parents and students having a nosey!

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2020 00:30

You've forgotten to tell us how old your child is?

'Party animals' are allowed to have careers too so no, of course it wouldn't bother me, although I'd be surprised they didn't keep their social media accounts private.

Actually I'm always surprised to learn anyone doesn't have a degree of privacy on their SM accounts.

Original poster

MissMessy12 · 08/10/2020 00:34

DD is 13

OP posts:

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/10/2020 00:36

As an in person, and online, and uni lecturer in music even, myself

....

I'm pretty horrified. I make the odd joke about being excited for my wine, or for the weekend, myself but only to parents who understand I am a foodie and not a raging alcoholic. Or I joke to over 18 students in the right context.

What you've said makes me uncomfortable and it's ok for teachers to be party animals but it's got to be separate from their professional persona.

Not ok and I'm sorry to hear someone is doing this. I'd find a more professional appearing role model for your daughter. Mortified to feel like someone representing my profession would feel that's at all appropriate

eatsleepread · 08/10/2020 00:41

YANBU.

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/10/2020 00:41

For the record I also take a relaxed approach to substances if minors bring it up themselves and advise openness with parents. I have a couple of students who have been in trouble for such things with their folks and have confided in me

When I teach my undergrads and we have a concert anyone caught drinking before the show is not allowed onstage. Afterwards? Go nuts. Music performance (and teaching!!!) however needs a clear head and a respectful approach. Sorry for the rant I just feel very strongly!

Original poster

MissMessy12 · 08/10/2020 00:45

It’s not the drinking so much it’s the lewd pics of her being in sexually provocative poses with her friends and the general complete and utter shite she posts which all contain bad language- I just think given her chosen career which is mainly working with children it’s a bit over the top. I find it difficult to respect someone who behaves like this. Maybe I should look elsewhere- there seem to be plenty of piano teachers out there

OP posts:

Elsewyre · 08/10/2020 00:47

"Music performance (and teaching!!!) however needs a clear head "

cabbageking · 08/10/2020 00:47

Not all schools even have a social media policy.

It is up to you to decide what you are happy or not with.

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/10/2020 00:49

Well definitely

As a musician and/or teacher you tend to have a public profile whether you like it or not. Your daughter will likely be internet stalking them if she looks upto them. I did as a teen and I still do if I go to a new coach as an adult performer it's part of modern life. It's your call but I do think your music teacher is there to be much more than a music teacher. Its someone who your DD will look upto and be influenced by and I'd choose someone you feel is a good human

Many of my pupils grow up to be my friends and I'd like to think I can be a good role model away from the piano as well as at the piano.

blueberrypie0112 · 08/10/2020 00:53

It is her private page and she should kept it private but I would switch teacher if you don’t feel she is the the right teacher for your daughter

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/10/2020 00:58

I would be annoyed by the vodka comment and find it a bit unprofessional. Even if I were taking the lessons myself insinuation that she needs or s drinking in order to teach would piss me off on lesson 2. I'd need more a relationship with her to find that OK. But it would be minor. If she seemed to be a good teacher I would let it go.

Unless I've misunderstood the nature of the lessons I don't think the social media is particularly poor, though. She's not a teacher in a school who has to project authority or the like.

INeedNewShoes · 08/10/2020 01:02

This doesn’t sound ok to me. I have 15/16 year old pupils who I’ve taught for years and have a friendly but still professional teacher/pupil relationship with where we might sometimes go off topic and have a quick chat about non-music stuff but I wouldn’t be mentioning alcohol like this.

I’m not on Facebook but if I was I’d have my profile locked down.

I think that there are plenty of brilliant music teachers who are party animals in their social life so I wouldn’t be so worried about what she does in her spare time but the inappropriate chat and public Facebook profile where she isn’t being a decent role model are a bit of a worry.

MusicTeacherSussex · 08/10/2020 01:04

I'm not via schools for this reason I suppose independent customers can make their own minds up. I think OP is not via a school here too.

Often school tutors are hideously underpaid, not quality controlled and very undermined, its not a good environment to learn music. Many start out teachers go through that system and find it demoralising, whilst the parents find it hard to hey benefits. Some lucky combinations thankfully do.

MorganKitten · 08/10/2020 03:40

The only issue is her comment about her vodka and coke. The social media should be locked but as she’s not friends with your child is it an issue?

seayork2020 · 08/10/2020 03:59

I would have probably laughed at her comment on zoom but I get on zoom not appropriate

As for social media if she is at the age she is allowed a media page herself (I am assuming she is) then she has every right to say and do what she wants in it. That is nothing to do with her students or their parents.

If this her personal social media page that is

RedHelenB · 08/10/2020 04:13

I think you are being a bit uptight of you're daughter is 13. But he who says the upper calls the tune so I'd look for another one of you're unhappy with this one.

BrizNiz · 08/10/2020 04:13

Hmmm. I don't know, shouldn't you judge her on her teaching skills rather than what she posts on social media?
I had an off the wall piano teacher when I was younger who didn't fit the normal stereotype at all. There was no SM then but I bet if there was, she would have posted all sorts.
I think perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt and see how your DD gets on with her.
Life would be pretty boring if absolutely everyone had to conform to social norms. I think I'm quite drawn to eccentric people though!

TabbyStar · 08/10/2020 05:27

She's drinking vodka whilst teaching? No. I also wouldn't be keen on over-sexualised social media. What does your DD think of her?

Catsup · 08/10/2020 05:43

She should probably rethink her privacy settings on SM if she's tutoring, but what she chooses to post is entirely her own business imho. The drinking alcohol whilst tutoring I'd be more pissed off about tbh. She's being paid to deliver a teaching service not quaff vodka. However, if it was only an overheard comment it may have been out of context? 'I need more vodka in my coke for that! 🤔 (joke!). Which could be her trying to be pally, pally (look at me down with the kidz 🙄). Personally when I worked with young people my SM had secure privacy settings and I changed my online search name to prevent any kids looking me up, trying to add me (unfortunately nothing very interesting on there anyway 🤣).

ManOfPies · 08/10/2020 05:48

Wouldn't care unless they're snorting lines off the piano tbh. Best guitar teacher I ever had used to stop for a fag halfway through. I'd rather have an eccentric but talented teacher than some boring pedestrian one.

Qqwweerrtty · 08/10/2020 06:08

Zzz

SnackRussell · 08/10/2020 06:15

Is she good? Will your daughter progress to the levels she wants to with her?

Sounds as though you might need a different tutor if this bothers you so much! What she posts on her own social media isn’t any of your business, and making a joke about drinking alcohol is hardly crime of the century.

Shame she doesn’t teach guitar, she sounds like my kind of tutor!

SqidgeBum · 08/10/2020 06:22

As a teacher, I think this music teacher is more of an idiot than anything else. Every teacher I know has their SM on the highest privacy settings it can be on, they use fake names or their names misspelled, and they are careful about what they post. Many teachers are party animals and IMO are entitled to do whatever they want in their free time, the same as any other person, but they should be smarter than to plaster it on SM. If you found it easily, any employer can.

Blavatskyite · 08/10/2020 06:24

I’m assuming the comment about not having enough vodka in her Coke was a joke, though, rather than a confession she was boozing while teaching? Eg ‘When I look at that fingering, I realise I haven’t got enough vodka in my Coke!’

I can’t imagine even the most unprofessional teacher blithely talking about drinking during a Zoom lesson with parents hovering in the background.

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