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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find new music teacher a bit unprofessional

54 replies

MissMessy12 · 08/10/2020 00:27

DD is having piano lessons on zoom in the evenings and has just started with a new teacher. It was her second lesson this evening. Teacher seems really lovely and DD likes her but tonight I overheard her making a comment about not having enough vodka in her coke which she was drinking whilst teaching DD. Later on I looked her up on social media and she just doesn’t seem like a professional piano teacher in my opinion. She’s more like a party animal and posts lots of memes with bad language and general inappropriate material in my opinion.

I honestly don’t really care what people do- each to their own but I think if you work with children maybe you should tone down the antics on social media? Or do people just not care these days? Would this bother you if your child was being taught by someone you felt behaved inappropriately on SM?

OP posts:
Qqwweerrtty · 08/10/2020 06:37

@Qqwweerrtty

Zzz
Posted by mistake. Sorry. Blush
OwlBeThere · 08/10/2020 06:45

Oh fgs. If she is good at her job then that’s what matters.

Rosebel · 08/10/2020 06:55

The vodka comment especially while teaching was inappropriate IMO. The Facebook wouldn't worry me. Teachers are actually allowed to have their own lives you know.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 08/10/2020 06:55

i dont think you should have been checking her facebook tbh

SqidgeBum · 08/10/2020 06:56

@OwlBeThere

Oh fgs. If she is good at her job then that’s what matters.
You say that, but there is actually a section in my teaching contract that says I have to be an 'upstanding citizen who adheres to all social and moral values' or something along those lines. I can basically be fired for not being a picture of perfection, especially out in public or on social media. When my DH was teaching, he was told by his head teacher to not be seen in local pubs on the weekend! We had to go miles away if we wanted to have a few drinks, or he just couldnt relax in case someone saw him. It can be ridiculous in some schools.
Tomatoesneedtoripen · 08/10/2020 06:56

nor do i think the vodka coke joke is particularly harmful since your dd is 13

midnightstar66 · 08/10/2020 07:00

You say that, but there is actually a section in my teaching contract that says I have to be an 'upstanding citizen who adheres to all social and moral values' or something along those lines. I can basically be fired for not being a picture of perfection, especially out in public or on social media. When my DH was teaching, he was told by his head teacher to not be seen in local pubs on the weekend! We had to go miles away if we wanted to have a few drinks, or he just couldnt relax in case someone saw him. It can be ridiculous in some schools.

She's not a teacher as in school teacher employed by someone though I assume? She's teaching music lessons which could be on an entirely independent basis, possibly even secondary to another job. I don't think the same standards need to be upheld. I'd take the vodka comment as a joke and see how the daughter actually gels with her and progresses with her piano.

ivfbeenbusy · 08/10/2020 07:07

I think it's a bit of an over reaction. Her social media is no ones business but her own - she she probably should have it set to private or something but what 20 something doesn't post shite and provocative poses and use bad language these days .....bet you did OP at that age but there was no social media or snooping mothers to look at it and judge you on??

Puppymummy20 · 08/10/2020 07:12

I don’t know. I had a (male) music teacher like this in school - he constantly made inappropriate jokes and references to drinking and sex in front of teenagers and generally didn’t keep appropriate professional boundaries. Later I heard he was convicted of sexually abusing two pupils. Not at all saying that’s what’s going on here, but I’d be very wary of any teacher who didn’t keep professional boundaries, especially if they’re teaching 1:1 like a music teacher. Most likely this woman is just a bit silly and immature, but unfortunately inappropriate comments etc is what grooming looks like, and even if this teacher has no malign intent, it is not good to let a teenager think that this is an ok way for teachers to behave with her, in case the next adult who behaves in this way towards her does.

Purpledaisychain · 08/10/2020 07:16

It is up to her what she posts on SM but given the fact it is a personal account it should be private just to stop nosy kids/parents seeing.

@WorraLiberty I'm a wildlife photographer and use instagram as a platform to promote my work. For that reason, I keep it public.

HandfulofDust · 08/10/2020 07:17

I think it's fairly inappropriate to be drinking while being paid to teach a student. I definitely wouldn't be making jokes about vodka either.

The social media posts are more tricky. I don't see why she shouldn't post risque pictures or use bad language in her own time if she wants to. It might put some parents off and if I were her I'd review my security settings more carefully but it comes down to personal taste.

NeonGenesis · 08/10/2020 07:18

I couldn't care less about what she's put on social media but I would find it weird that a piano tutor would say to a 13yo that there isn't enough vodka in their coke. It shows poor judgement and is also just a bit sad. Is she trying to impress your DD and seem cool?

BrummyMum1 · 08/10/2020 07:20

Maybe talk to your DD first then the teacher about it if you have any concerns. My art teacher was openly a drinker and smoker but was a great teacher and now I do a creative job. My piano teacher was a boring old fart on the other hand and I gave up as soon as I could. It’s not professional but with something like piano that she’s choosing to do, you want it to be fun for her so she continues. The teenage years is when a lot of people start to drop their hobbies if they’re allowed to and aren’t inspired, in my experience.

FortunesFave · 08/10/2020 07:41

YANBU, but I'm surprised you didn't check her social media before hiring her!

Meuniere · 08/10/2020 07:49

The SM is mainly because otherwise it gives ammunition’s to the children/teens o have a go at them (or think they can treat them like pals). Plus the ‘looking good for the school’ and it’s reputation side of things.

She won’t have the last one as she doing some private tuition.
She might get in trouble with some of her pupils but I suppose this is her choice.

In essence the SM doesn’t bother me.
I wouod have some major issue about the comment on vodka. That is not on in any shape or form, not the least with the idea of drinking whilst teaching (I’m going to be nice and not assume she actually had vodka in her glass)

ScrapThatThen · 08/10/2020 07:54

Good life lesson for the teacher if you respectfully tell her why you are ending the lessons.

Tadpolesandfroglets · 08/10/2020 07:58

If she was drinking alcohol in a face to face lesson would you be okay with that? I definitely wouldn’t. Totally unprofessional so not sure why this is any different.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 08:01

Amazing what bothers some people. OP.I'm sure there's an aged virgin tetoteller somewhere in your town that could teach your daughter if you are serious.

HandfulofDust · 08/10/2020 08:15

@Porcupineinwaiting

You'd seriously be fine with a teacher drinking during a paid lesson? The SM stuff I wouldn't care about but I'm shocked anyone would be cool about a teacher drinking vodka and making jokes about it while they were being paid to teach your child.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 08/10/2020 08:19

pretty sure the vodka comment was a joke people, and a often told one

OfTheNight · 08/10/2020 08:19

No way would I find that appropriate. To an adult student maybe, but even then it’s not really professional!

Seems a bit try hard ‘banter cos I’m a fun person’ type of rapport. I hate that nonsense.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/10/2020 08:20

I'd assume the vodka comment was a joke and the joke wouldnt bother me, especially on zoom. I would object if the teacher was clearly drunk.

Could care less about the SM, in fact it would never occur to me to check.

Ds1 has been taught piano by a dudey young bloke (now mid twenties) for years. All I care about it the fact that they gel and that he makes progress and enjoys it.

HandfulofDust · 08/10/2020 08:22

Even as a joke it's odd to say to a 13 year old. Sounds like she's trying way too hard to be down with the kids.

MoonJelly · 08/10/2020 08:23

@Tadpolesandfroglets

If she was drinking alcohol in a face to face lesson would you be okay with that? I definitely wouldn’t. Totally unprofessional so not sure why this is any different.
It seems to me pretty clear that she wasn't drinking, she just made a joke about it.
ILikeTrains · 08/10/2020 08:23

If my daughter liked her and was progressing well in lessons then it wouldn't worry me.

I find music teachers are either the staid and serious orchestral types or the party gigging band type, I imagine you have the latter. (Sorry to any music teachers for this hideous generalisation).

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