To ask DH to work in a different room?

[ruby29]

DH working from home sat at the kitchen table full time since March. He works long hours (8am often until after midnight)
Is on phone calls and meetings a lot of the day.

I work 3 long days a week (14hrs plus travel time)
Children all school age. Both of us stressed with work. I usually have to catch up on work remotely from home on days off & will sit in one of the children’s bedrooms (as they have desks)

It’s starting to really annoy me that he takes over the kitchen every single day. Looks irritated every time someone comes in to make a drink, makes comments on what everyone is doing etc

It just feels really draining having no space to myself. I’d like to occasionally sit quietly with a coffee, put the radio on and clean the kitchen or cook the dinner without having to tiptoe round or listen to all his conversations and endless meetings.

Our ground floor is open plan so difficult to get away from it.

I’ve asked him several times to use one of the bedrooms even for 1 or 2 mornings a week but he just says he prefers sitting in the kitchen. We’re both really stressed and I know it will cause an argument if I tell him how much it’s annoying me. Im sure he’d rather not be trapped at home either but it’s really getting to me. I just want a bit of peace and space to myself...

How is everyone else coping with wfh?

YANBU. Surely he can work there when you are at work (it sounds like you work out of the house?), and then sit upstairs at one of the desks the other days.

If he doesn't like people interrupting him, he needs to not sit in the middle of your downstairs!

As an aside, I can see open plan fading from popularity if this situation drags on much longer.

Can you convert a garage? Install one of those garden shed/office spaces?
That would do my head in too. I think the initial excitement of being allowed to wfh will die off. People are being expected to turn their homes into offices.
Also is he allowed on site or have they closed the office?

pick yes I agree that open plan is less appealing when someone uses it as an office.

Of course YANBU.
If he prefers to work in the kitchen, he has to accept that is a place which other people are going to be in. If he wants peace and quiet, e needs to move.

I have never been a fan of open plan, but I bet a LOT of families have been rueing that choice over last 6 months.

The thing YhaveBU about is accepting this for so many months.

Hard to call but I’m with your DH here - I work equally stupid hours and so need to feel I’m not “cut off” for days on end by being shut away in spare room/study - if I was I’d really struggle. It’s annoying when I have to do calls but prefer that to feeling shut out. DH WFH 3 days a week as do adult DCs

I would have put a stop to this the first day!!! We put a desk in a bedroom for this reason.

I've just closed off the dining room for our living / dining room so I can shut the door on everyone and work. Can you look at altering your open plan downstairs?

It's your family's home first and his place of work second. If he wants to be in the kitchen, he must accept being disturbed all the time; if he wants solitude, then off he fucks to a bedroom.

We are in a similar situation. Although we both work 8-6 from the kitchen table. Dh has a room he can use for office but prefers to be with me downstairs.
He can't complain if there is family noise in the communal areas. It's been our family home longer than our office.
It's a shitty situation so you husband needs to be more relaxed / flexi

Similar situation here. Have dd (a-level in college every other week) sitting at the kitchen table doing live lessons and dh in the dining room working 5/6 days a week. I spend all my time keeping the dog quiet and basically stuck in our tiny front room or upstairs trying not to disturb the work. My house is filthy as I don't feel I can run the Hoover round/do washing during the day. I am desperate for some time alone!!!!

@FetchezLaVache this basically

Is no one meant to eat or drink for 16 hours a day?!

Yes, agreed open plan certainly feeling much less appealing at the moment....
He has the house to himself 3 days a week so do feel he could manage school hours in a bedroom 1 or 2 days a week.
His office is shut and no sign of it reopening. Garden office would be great but sadly expensive & I think working in a bedroom should be manageable some of the time.
Helpful to hear opinions

I saw some tips on FB about B&Q doing room dividers so you can hide the mess away. Not sure if that might work?

Why do you tiptoe around him? If he chhoses to e
Work innthe communal space he doesn't have a right for you, the children or the dog to be quiet around him when he is working.

So put the washing on, clean your cupboards or do a zumba routine when you feel like it. Maybe then he would get the message and move to another room for most of his working day.

Didn't you post about this a week or so ago? If not, sound very similar www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a4029610-Threw-DH-out-of-the-house-this-morning?msgid=100193931#100193931

Partner and I have coped with wfh by trying to be considerate of each other’s needs, which you H really isn’t doing.

If he isn't able to share the space while he works, then he needs to go to a private space. The kitchen/living room is a shared space, it's not fair to demand that no one else uses it every working day.

I used to work from home a few years ago and we didn't have an office so I worked at the kitchen table. I put headphones on and was easily able to ignore everyone else. If I needed to make a call and someone was using the kitchen I would go into another room.

He needs a dedicated workspace, even if that is a folding table in at the end of a hallway. He can’t work in the center of the home.

I’d even consider radical ideas like reassigning bedrooms to get him a desk somewhere.

He does not get to use 70% of the house for his office. That is just selfish.

And if he chooses to, then he has to not make things unpleasant for those who also need or want to use the space.

My husband uses the kitchen table in our open plan home as his office and it drives me mad (I use one of our two spare rooms, he could use the other) BUT if I ask him to move or I start making noise cooking he doesn't kick off about it and just moves outside or to my office desk.

FWIW, like your husband, I struggled with loneliness while WFH. So now I work from a coworking office a few days a week. Could he do the same?

Can he compromise and spend one day in the kitchen and one in the bedroom of the two you are home? Or half the day in the bedroom when he is taking calls and things and half downstairs but on the understanding it is a family home and he won’t get peace?

My husband uses our dining room to work. If he’s running late and I need to put dinner out he gets evicted as it’s a dining room first, then his work space. It’s only been a problem once or twice where he claims he’s almost done for ages before he is. I just start unplugging stuff as the wires run across the table. If it’s important he goes in another room to finish, if not he starts packing up. I always give him fair warning though.

I would think it ok to use the kitchen SOME of the time, but if he were there I’d have lost it. What’s that look for? I’m making noise? Well, yes. IM USING THE KITCHEN. I LIVE HERE. IM A PERSON AND SO ARE YOUR CHILDREN AND PEOPLE EAT. IN THEIR HOUSES. FOOD FROM THEIR KITCHEN. IT IS SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION TO USE YOUR SIDE OF THE BED AS A NEW KITCHEN BUT YOU COULD WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE SOMETIMES INSTEAD OF GLARING WHEN ANY OF YOUR FAMILY DARE GET FOOD. I SWEAR I WILL THROW YOUR LAPTOP OUT THE WINDOW THE NEXT TIME YOU HUFF BECAUSE I AM GETTING US- OUR CHILDREN AND YOU DINNER , YOU UNGRATEFUL SOD.

That would probably do it.

Don't necessarily raise the subject with him if it's going to cause arguments. Just get on with normal family life whilst subtly making more noise than normal. If he's struggling then he will end up taking himself off to a different room!

... or alternatively just tell him to piss off to the bedroom!