To ask DH to work in a different room?

[ruby29]

DH working from home sat at the kitchen table full time since March. He works long hours (8am often until after midnight)
Is on phone calls and meetings a lot of the day.

I work 3 long days a week (14hrs plus travel time)
Children all school age. Both of us stressed with work. I usually have to catch up on work remotely from home on days off & will sit in one of the children’s bedrooms (as they have desks)

It’s starting to really annoy me that he takes over the kitchen every single day. Looks irritated every time someone comes in to make a drink, makes comments on what everyone is doing etc

It just feels really draining having no space to myself. I’d like to occasionally sit quietly with a coffee, put the radio on and clean the kitchen or cook the dinner without having to tiptoe round or listen to all his conversations and endless meetings.

Our ground floor is open plan so difficult to get away from it.

I’ve asked him several times to use one of the bedrooms even for 1 or 2 mornings a week but he just says he prefers sitting in the kitchen. We’re both really stressed and I know it will cause an argument if I tell him how much it’s annoying me. Im sure he’d rather not be trapped at home either but it’s really getting to me. I just want a bit of peace and space to myself...

How is everyone else coping with wfh?

I have a similar issue. No one seems to understand the incredible strain covid has put on people who don't have room at home.

Mn is not representative of RL. Where people sit on their bed with a laptop. Mn people have mahoosive houses and £15k to build an naice office in their garden.

I work at the dinning room table 2 days a week. I don't want to work in ds's bedroom. Because it's his bedroom. And the desk is tiny. And I live spreading out, say 6 piles of paperwork on the dinning room table.

My DH does this bit does scarper upstairs when I arrive back from the school run. If he doesn't I just get the hoover out 😆

Ah but of course he has a BIG job, therefore he gets first dibs on everything. He is bringing in the biggest wage, so everyone else's sanity suffers to keep him high performing at his BIG job.

Can he really not go into the office a couple of mornings a week?

YANBU. My DH got sent out to the garage after about 3 days of working in the kitchen back in March and he's still there every day. He's just bought a portable heater because it's getting chilly these days! I'm on maternity leave and refuse to have him in the kitchen having meetings and chatting to people all day while I'm around.

He doesn't mind being in the garage and it means he doesn't have to clear his stuff away constantly. I would definitely evict him into a bedroom.

I know this is not the point of the thread, but the hours you are both working are ridiculous! Are you doing anything about that?

To the actual point of the thread, I wouldn’t be tiptoeing around the kitchen, in fact I would be blending and baking in there every day with music on.

YANBU this set up is bonkers. If he wants to no be disturbed, he needs to be in a place, where constant access is not required with a door. Can you put a desk in your bedroom?

Garden sheds are pretty cheap. Which is what my work colleague bought herself, along with a fan heater.

How big is your bedroom op? DH takes ‘sensitive’ calls So needed somewhere quiet. We shuffled everything up in our room (can still walk comfortably between the wardrobe and bed, and made the window side of the room into a mini office, he has a large desk and one side and the opposite side a nice matching unit. We installed a long roller blind to the ceiling. When he is taking a video call he pulls it down to block off the rest of the bedroom. It works really well for us and it has the bonus of opening up the floor space.

YANBU. DH and I are both stuck WFH for the foreseeable future and It’s taken a while for us to adjust our ways of working both when the kids were at home and again since they went back to school. You need to establish some ground rules that meet both of your needs. For us it was taking calls elsewhere, moving locations when the kids came home from school etc. As pp have said, there are 3 days a week he can sit downstairs if he prefers but state that on the other 2 days, it’s your space and he needs to go elsewhere. If he ignores, I would continue with your normal activities until he gets the message and moves upstairs.

We did this, at home with small children it was more of a logical argument. Brought a desk and chair that can double as makeup stand in the future and OH works 5 days a week up stairs which means the kids have access to playroom/snacks/toilet without disturbing OH.

OH worked in the kitchen for the first few weeks and it drove me round the bend for all the reasons you stated. I hated feeling like I wasn’t allowed in my own kitchen and I had to try and keep young kids quiet / reduce the number of times I could get a drink etc

Thank you everyone. I’m going to talk to him again at the weekend.
Things are obviously much easier now schools are open but it still feels so draining. Hopefully he’ll realise that working in a bedroom some of the time is fine. His office reopening would be great but sadly unlikely for a while.

We took over a kids bedroom each when lockdown started. Means downstairs is a work free zone and so good. Also means dinner and craft and homework etc can happen at the table.

Like you said he needs to compromise, he gets 3 days downstairs and needs to do 2 upstairs.

Don't know how he can concentrate downstairs when the kids are home!

Stop tip toeing round him. If he wants to work in the communal area then he needs to live with other peoples noises, maybe he'll actually compromise if he stops getting everything his way.

I'd get him to work from the bedroom if this was me.

Both DP an I are WFH. He has the dining room as he has 2 MASSIVE monitors (completely necessary for his job). I am however missing the function of the room.

I tend to start my day working from the sofa until 12 ish. I then re-locate to my bedroom for a change of scenery for the afternoon.

We are in a good routine with it to be fair, But your DH is monopolising the main part of the house, for very long hours. Nope, it's your home to. It's odd he doesn't want to work in a bedroom-a bedroom can be made comfortable for work. I love working from mine in the afternoons.

We move around. 2 of us WFH with a study, desk in a bedroom and dining table. Neither of likes working in the bedroom to be honest but needs must when the kids get home. We take it in turns to have the study and shut the doors between us.