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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding outfits

66 replies

Summerflowers101 · 07/10/2020 16:05

Hoping to get married in 2021 (hoping being the operative word!!). My mum has bought her outfit and she doesn’t want my MIL in the same colour. I told my MIL not to get the same colour but now after browsing she is saying she wants that colour as she thinks it will suit her. I wouldn’t mind her in a darker shade as it could tie in together but my mum is saying she would be unhappy about it and it’s causing her anxiety. Do you think a darker shade would be OK or is MIL being unreasonable not choosing a different colour?

OP posts:

bathorshower · 08/10/2020 09:26

My DM did check with BiL's DM about her dress choice, which turned out to be wise, as they'd chosen the exact same dress - would have been funny for everyone else, but less so for them, so I can see why someone might ask. However it was sorted with no drama whatsoever - I'm not even sure who changed dress.

maxelly · 08/10/2020 09:45

Surely the simple solution here if your MIL is determined to wear the same colour and this really bothers your DM, is just to return your mother's outfit and buy another in a different colour? Don't tell your MIL of the change of plan if you think she's doing it deliberately to be a Pita? Or you could run diversionary tactics telling MIL your mother has changed her mind and is now going for banana yellow/lime green/other unflattering shade here and see if 'coincidentally' that's suddenly MIl's new favourite colour too!

longcoffee · 08/10/2020 09:47

My mum, step mum, and both grandmothers wore the same colour for my wedding. They all thought it was great (it wasn't planned lol) and posed for multiple official pictures with and without me, in their shades of pink outfits. When my sister and step daughters jumped in in their yellow bridesmaid dresses they all looked like a bag of fruit salads, but that's beside the point!

They're some of my favourite pics from the day, they were all genuinely happy and relaxed.

It's an outfit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Charleyhorses · 08/10/2020 09:51

So
You need to actually explain to your mil that your mum's reaction isn't normal but is real to her.
Tell her it will cause her months of anxiety and that impacts you.

Nottherealslimshady · 08/10/2020 09:51

It's tough, I'd usually say your mum is being unreasonable but my mum has anxiety and so do I. I understand that something this small would stress my mum out. Insist MIL gets another colour, even go shopping with her to help her pick one that's suitable and she likes so everyone's happy.

fairislecable · 08/10/2020 09:59

My DD got married and grooms mother asked what colour I would be wearing as she didn’t want to clash. She was told the colour navy blue.

She certainly avoided clashing by arriving in a CREAM satin dress.

Daughter was not impressed

Elizaaa · 08/10/2020 10:13

Your mil is being a bitch. There is no reason why she can't pick another colour from the hundreds out there.

My mil asked what my mum was wearing and said she'd wait until she'd chosen as my mum should get first choice as mob.

Tell your df to speak to her and that she should pick something else.

CorianderLord · 08/10/2020 13:25

Why does she fret so much about something that matters so little?

Your mum needs to get therapy if something like this is giving her anxiety. Oh MIL is being a cow though.

ZezetteEpouseX · 08/10/2020 14:20

Your MIL sounds like the bitch from hell frankly - how petty to try to get the same colour after being asked... Why would anyone want to do that, even if deep down you think it's silly?

It IS a big thing to be the mother of the bride, what's wrong with that?
It would look a bit silly for both mothers to wear the same colour, how strange to even want to.

The only solution is to leave MIL chose, she clearly wants to be the statement of the day. Once that's done, your poor mum can chose her own outfit.

It's actually very normal to ensure you don't clash with each other, it's a family thing.. who cares if it's only important for them? They will be the ones with framed photos of the special day of their kid in their living room, for all the other guests it's only a wedding.

I can't for the life of me imagine being spiteful enough to willingly piss off my kid's MIL about an outfit when I hadn't even bought mine anyway. Good luck for the future, she will be a handful.

workhomesleeprepeat · 08/10/2020 14:25

Why are you letting your mum turn this into a problem for you?

My mother isn’t generally prone anxiety about a non issue (and yes, this is a non issue) - she knows all she is getting from me is a giant eye roll.

Don’t play the game OP. You’re a grown soon to be married woman. Take control and don’t indulge your mums silly behaviour

Florencex · 08/10/2020 17:03

They both should be allowed to wear whatever they want, no need to even ask in advance. But if your mother is the one that is going to make something of being in the same colour, then it is she that needs to change. You have no right to tell your MIL what she cannot wear to the wedding.

HandfulofDust · 08/10/2020 17:30

On the one hand I don't think it matters as long as they're not in the same outfit. On the other hand surely Mil could have just picked a different colour if it matters that much to your mum. If your mum's that worried couldn't she return her outfit and buy a new one once Mil has selected her outfit.

FinallyHere · 08/10/2020 18:35

There is an argument for colour coordination, where everyone wears colours from the same palette.

A dear friend asked her 'wedding party' bridesmaids, mother, mil, everyone really who wanted to join in , to wear shades from creme it dark brown.

The pictures look amazing

RuthW · 08/10/2020 18:39

Traditionally the groom's mother must not wear the same colour as the bride's mother. The bride's mother tones in with the bridesmaids. The groom's mother is being unreasonable in my opinion.

ZezetteEpouseX · 08/10/2020 20:56

and come on:

"Change the dress you have ALREADY bought for your son wedding for something else" = unreasonable

"I have already bought an outfit of xyz colour, would you mind choosing a different one that you are yet to buy? = completely reasonable

Weddings are happy occasion, why would anyone want to spoil anything? MIL jealous that mother-of-the-bride could take the spotlight? She is being ridiculous - good luck with her in the future

cunningartificer · 08/10/2020 22:15

Your mum isn’t unreasonable to tell mil of her planned colour; if it was special to mil I’d expect her to say so straightaway, not think that yes it would suit her after having had time to think about it! It’s not unreasonable of her to buy and choose first either. My mother let my mil know what she was thinking of wearing so they wouldn’t clash; if she’d said’ oh I was thinking of that colour’ she’d probably have changed, but from what you say it’s nothing like that strong a preference from your mil. I’d enlist your DH to be perhaps, as I think mil is being insensitive at best,

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