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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding outfits

66 replies

Summerflowers101 · 07/10/2020 16:05

Hoping to get married in 2021 (hoping being the operative word!!). My mum has bought her outfit and she doesn’t want my MIL in the same colour. I told my MIL not to get the same colour but now after browsing she is saying she wants that colour as she thinks it will suit her. I wouldn’t mind her in a darker shade as it could tie in together but my mum is saying she would be unhappy about it and it’s causing her anxiety. Do you think a darker shade would be OK or is MIL being unreasonable not choosing a different colour?

OP posts:
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/10/2020 16:55

I think enlist DH, one of those just keep the peace conversations. "Yeah I know it's nuts and sure you know summerflowers doesn't really care but her mom is really wound up about it and it could just make my life easier if our of the 10,000 other colours you could pick a different one? Sure you're gorgeous in everything DM and I love you very much"

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/10/2020 17:06

@Summerflowers101

I understand to many of you, if you were MoTB and the MoTG wore the exact same colour and shade of outfit it wouldn't matter. But my mum just isn't that person. She won't be able to "let it go", it will be something she frets over for months and will be affected by on the day. I can't just say to her "who cares?" because I know she very much does care and unfortunately I can't force her not to care. I also can't force MIL to buy a certain dress.
Well then, in order for your mum not to ruin everything or have it ruined for her, I guess she'll have to get a dress in a different colour. If it's that important to her, she'll do that, right?
Thehop · 07/10/2020 17:09

Your mum knows it’s not about her right? Why is she being such a prima Donna?

What if guests wear something similar?

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 07/10/2020 17:17

If I was your fiancée I’d pull my mum aside and say look @Summerflowers101 mum is nuts can you just do me a favour and not wear the same colour as her. Then they will probably tell this story around the dinner table for the next few years.

ClickandForget · 07/10/2020 17:18

My daughter was married last year, and until the day of the wedding I had no idea what colour her mil was wearing. It's really not normal to have serious anxiety about something like this. Had the groom's mother sent a message asking me not to wear blue I would have thought her a little bit mad and a small part CF

Lollypop701 · 07/10/2020 17:25

You know your MIL... is she doing this on purpose or it’s just a pain she’s picking the same colour? If it’s 1, I’d get dh to deal with it. If you think mil would lie and turn up in same colour for fun, I’d go shopping with dm for another option. Alternatively go to Gretna, rope in 2 strangers and enjoy a no stress wedding!

UserABCDE12345 · 07/10/2020 17:49

We are talking about adults here right?

allaglow · 07/10/2020 17:50

oh, my DS gets married next year, and I hadn't even thought of this issue. I've only ever met future DIL's mum fleetingly a few years ago at DS's graduation.

blueberrypie0112 · 07/10/2020 17:51

Someone has to let it go. It could be you worrying about your mom fretting about a dress , or your mom deciding to either wear the dress anyway or get another dress, or your MIL deciding to pick another dress.

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 07/10/2020 18:05

A floral dress isn't unusual. Is your mum going to get anxious if aunt may or cousin julie turns up in a similar pattern?
Couldn't even tell you what the MOB/MOG of the last wedding I went to were wearing.

ShebaShimmyShake · 07/10/2020 18:34

I can't remember what the mothers wore to MY wedding.

Normandy144 · 07/10/2020 18:42

I think you need to leave it to your mother to speak to your MIL. If your mother is going to be so upset then she needs to fix the problem. You shouldn't be expected to fix it for her. She could return her outfit and get another if she's that bothered. Please don't give this any more attention, your mother is choosing to get upset about this. Only she can choose how she reacts to it and what she does to make the situation better for herself.

Cakeandcustard123 · 07/10/2020 18:53

If your mother wants to make such a bizarre request then she needs to ask your mother in law what she is wearing and then pick something different. She doesn't get to dictate what other people wear. Is she going to demand all the other guests don't turn up wearing 'HER' colour too?

ClickandForget · 08/10/2020 01:35

⁴l"We are talking about adults here right?*

Looks like it. But not what we'd consider normal adults.

seayork2020 · 08/10/2020 01:39

If my mum or MIL pulled that one I would tell either to sort it out amongst themselves if what they wore mattered that much, they are not children

ClickandForget · 08/10/2020 01:45

Bottom line. Wear whatever colour you like at your child's wedding. Nobody will give a shiny sbite or a fuck. This is a total non problem.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/10/2020 06:57

If your mum’s major concern is to avoid wearing the same colour as your MiL then she should have waited for MiL to choose and made her own choice around that. Choosing first and then dictating is controlling. Your MiL isn’t being super helpful either, it wouldn’t take much to avoid one colour for your sake. But I do think your DM is the one in the wrong here.

She should find another dress in another colour and she should stop laying her anxiety and her issues at your feet. She can deal with it herself. You really shouldn’t have to know about it let alone feel like you have to run interference and strain the relationship you’re building up with your PiL.

fellrunner85 · 08/10/2020 07:18

This is batshit. Until the day of our wedding, I had no idea what either my mum or my MIL were wearing. And I'd struggle to tell you now without checking the photos, tbh.
If your mum is so worked up over this, she needs to buy a different outfit.

emilyfrost · 08/10/2020 07:20

YABU, as is your mum. If your mum has an issue then she needs to pick a new dress; she doesn’t get to dictate what others can wear just because she has anxiety.

The problem lies with her so it’s a problem she needs to address, not expect others around her to.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/10/2020 07:25

When my son got married I wore navy, as did his MIL and the bridesmaids. All different shades of navy, all different styles, different accessories. No one made any comments or thought it odd.

However, it does sound like your MIL is doing this on purpose. If I'd been asked to avoid a colour I would have, without a second thought.

PurBal · 08/10/2020 08:16

My MIL is anxious about her clothes and my mum spent ages choosing for our wedding. I wouldn't be telling them what they can and can't wear. How awful. I don't think white with flowers can be mistaken for the bride though. And if the colour is a shade of blue I would say that most weddings I've been to either one or both of the mothers are in it.

PurBal · 08/10/2020 08:20

I know you say your mum won't just let it go. But she is an adult and that is not your problem. You can tell MIL what she's wearing if you like, it's not your fault if she goes along the same lines. My mother sent me a suicide note because she didn't get her way on the guest list, to this day I don't know if she tried. She contacted our suppliers to undo decisions we had made. She was proper bat shit crazy over the whole thing. But we had our day and she got over it.

Stillgoings · 08/10/2020 09:08

I just had to look at my wedding photos to check what colour my MIL wore. Thankfully they weren't twinning 😁. I think if she's that worried about it she'll have to be a bit smarter about it. Wait till MIL.has fully prepped and purchased and then go out and get something totally different (and don't tell MIL).

60sbird · 08/10/2020 09:18

My sons MIL and myself checked with each other to make sure we didn’t wear the same colour dresses, neither of us wanted to wear the same colour

RincewindsHat · 08/10/2020 09:25

Another vote for your MIL being able to buy something else in any one of the many other shades available. She's just being contrary, if it clearly matters so much to your mother, why upset her? Yes, it's a little bit precious of your mother, but it's one day and there are other dresses in other colours available. No need for MIL to sh*t stir deliberately.

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