If you're an organised parent with 2 or more DCs can you please share your wisdom?

[cutepugmug]

If you've a clean home, rarely run out of clean socks, don't forget picture day and have some time to yourself without your whole entity just being "mum" or "dad" can you please share your top tips?

I'm just about holding it together with 2 and one hasn't even hit primary yet. My house isn't particularly clean or clutter free which makes me struggle to focus. If I do focus on cleaning/tidying then it inadvertently takes over the day and I end up shoving DC2 in front of the iPad to let me get on which is pretty crap. I'm finding myself being enveloped trying to be this "mum" I have in my head, cleaning the house, cooking meals, washing dishes, doing the laundry and generally chasing my own tail rarely sitting down properly with my toddler or giving myself time to have some "me" time. And I still manage to forget wellies for dc1s school walk, forget to iron school shirts and call the garage about a funny sound in my car that's been there slightly too long for comfort now. We have been planning for DC3 and I'd love to start trying but I'm worried about keeping myself organised and on top of things.

In reality I hate having this messy house as my mind is just clouded. But I also loathe spending ages trying to clean and tidy though as I should be making sure I'm spending time with DCs. I don't know how to make it manageable and not forget other admin and organisation. And most importantly I don't know how to balance it all with a bit of self care and down time so I can feel like a woman every now and then not just a "mum". FYI I love being a mum and my DCs but I don't want it to be all that I am if anyone understands what I'm trying to say.

Any tips and advice on how to balance the above would be very very helpful!

Things changed for me when I accepted the amount of work it takes me (I always get the feeling other people must be quicker than me) to maintain a clean, tidy house with washing done and 3DC going where they should be.

Today I told myself "I'll just do an hour", but ended up doing 5 hours. I just keep going until it's all done. I don't expect it to be quick. I just wanted to be able to sit down knowing all the washing was done and (mostly) put away, no dishes left, everyone fed (we had Tagine that had been in the slow cooker all day), everywhere polished, hoovered and mopped, all of the bathrooms cleaned.

With this in mind, I don't work more than 3 days a week (I do 22.5hrs over 2.5 days), I used to work more (through necessity) when the children were little and it always felt like I was lagging behind. These days my DH and I are used to a clean house and a meal cooked from scratch every day so I make that happen (he does it on the days I work). I am about to start a course of study so I think I'm going to have to put in more effort, getting the DC and DH to help more. I'm thinking of trying to get up an hour earlier and do a workout then. Something that really helps is to go to bed early, it makes the next day a lot easier (I used to stay up past midnight, now I try to go to sleep by 11.30 at the latest, and it really helps).

That's all the advice I have really, delegate and work your butt off. Alternatively, lower your standards or follow the TOMM method (how she manages to do so much in half an hour I'll never know).

@Whichoneofyoudidthat the app is called Family Wall, there are lots of similar ones, but this one did everything I wanted. I pay £4 a month for it, but It's worth it for me. You could possibly find something that works for your family for less or for free though.

Why make more work on yourself if you're already frazzled? Don't get me wrong, I also have two DC and I'm forever frazzled too, but do you REALLY want to add to the chaos with another child?

Where's your partner in all of this? Does he do anything domestically? I thought I always wanted three DC - I come from a family of three and always had three DC in my head. However I started looking at it objectively and realized I have an idealised version of myself as a mother of three and the reality just doesn't/wouldn't live up to that. I'd be far too stretched. Crushed under the extra demands of a baby and juggling my older DCs needs. Everything would fall even further to shit and I would have zero time to myself to meet my own needs and follow my own interests. I wrote a pros and cons list of having another baby and the cons list was as long as my arm!

I know it's not what you asked but just mentioning it as often we just think "Awh a new baby would be lovely" (which was incidentally the only pro on my pro list ) and don't take the time to really envisage what that would mean for us and our existing DC.

I'm firmly in the "mother of two" camp now. As lovely as new babies are I just can't see how it would be worth it.

With a 3yo and a 6mth old the the best improvement I made in getting organised was to simplify the nappy routine. I was using a mix of disposable and cloth but obviously needing 2 different sizes ready at all times.

I decided to switch to terry nappies and despite what you think about them being hard work they have made things far easier. Both now wear the same nappy and I just have one pile of terry squares next to the changing area, so it's just a case of taking the top nappy of the pile and fold to suit.

No more sorting different nappies after a wash and stuffing the covers or buying different sized disposables.

Going out is easier too as I'm just taking terries with me.

Not easy is it, I've got time to keep on top of it all luckily but it's crazy how much time general basic upkeep takes.

Good tip for in the mornings is to not give them enough time to get distracted, get them up so there's just enough time to wake up, eat and get ready for school. Anymore time to do other things like watch tv derails the morning here.

You're working with kids end of the day, there's only a certain level of organisation possible. I've got time, fairly well organised, well behaved kids, and still end up handwashing school clothes at 7am because they haven't got any clean, or driving to the shop for something for their packed lunch last minute because there's no bread, or we need milk for breakfast. Important part is they don't go out without food or with dirty clothes on, get in to school on time almost always, that's the only standard I'm going for in the morning, anything else I do extra is a bonus.

Don't try to live up to an unachievable standard, there's only so much time in a day, and do a half arsed job now and then to give yourself some extra time!

I have a 4yo at school and a 2yo. I work 4 full days.
I have a wipeboard in the kitchen and I write all the jobs on it per day eg. Mop floors / dust / clean downstairs loo and me and dh share the load

I meal plan on a weekend evening and foodshop on a Sunday morning. My list is in order of the store layout so I'm usually home within the hour

I dont have a cleaning day, my house is always tidy as the kids don't tend to mess up more than 1 room at a time and we all tidy regularly. By 7.30pm the house is tidy enough that its easy for us to run the vac and duster round

I try and batch cook a meal or 2 a week eg. Bolognase or chilli to save time.

The boys bath together when I'm in the shower so they can "play" and gives me time to shower myself

Wont lie, if my husband wasn't as hands on I wouldn't cope. He unloads the dishwasher every morning before work so I can load it throughout the day as I go. I cook every night but he always cleans the kitchen after. He knows the lawn, puts the bins out, shares the bedtime routine etc. I cant believe some men are so lazy

Joining thread for tips as I am a disorganised mum of two!

I thought I always wanted three DC - I come from a family of three and always had three DC in my head. However I started looking at it objectively and realized I have an idealised version of myself as a mother of three and the reality just doesn't/wouldn't live up to that. I'd be far too stretched. Crushed under the extra demands of a baby and juggling my older DCs needs. Everything would fall even further to shit

I could have written this!

It gets easier once they’re all in primary school!

For the house - figure out the very basic (life will grind to a halt if I don’t do them jobs) and prioritise time for those. It’s likely to be about half an hour worth of jobs. Even if you get stuck into a cleaning project you need to come back to these vital jobs. I know it sounds obvious, but I was constantly focusing on the wrong jobs and not understanding why my house was such a disaster.

Be realistic about how long meal prep takes and budget time for it. Again, it’s stating the obvious, but I had a tendency to try and do too much, then get frazzled at dinner time and just feel like I was always chasing my tail.

Other stuff just has to fit around work and the above things that need to be done daily. So don’t think you can declutter the garage in an afternoon. That kind of job is an ongoing thing, that you can tip away at for months. If you know that then getting 15 minutes worth of progress feels worthwhile. If you’re unrealistic about it, it feels like a constant failure.

Decluttering as pp have noted is really important. But it is an ongoing project rather than a once and for all kind of thing.

Some of my general organisation tips:

Separate bags for all activities - relevant kit gets put back in bag from tumble drier.

I use the alarm function on my phone set to repeat rather than calendar. That way I can snooze (or change time) if I’m not ready for the reminder rather than forgetting it.

I have lists for everything that ever happens. I don’t waste energy thinking (eg what to bring for a weekend away) about things that happen more than once; I just consult the list.

Simple meal plan: mon- chicken, tue- beef, wed - fish etc but chicken could be fajita, casserole, curry, Alfredo, stir fry. Chicken is chopped, bagged and frozen so dinner can be a quick assembly. It doesn’t feel repetitive.

I have repeating grocery orders which I edit, rather than thinking it up from scratch each time.

Take a photo of every letter that comes home from school.

Be purposely forgetful with dc. I am always “confused” whether it’s PE day, or uniform day and from an early age, they kept track themselves. It’s good practice for them!

Don’t worry about getting dc to help out with chores etc while young - it’s hard work and takes years to pay off and slows you down too much. Just get them to pitch in for a quick tidy up, clearing the table after meals, carrying in the shopping together. Those things make a difference and set the tone for later when they’re old enough to be some use.

Always keep water and snacks in the car.

I’m on maternity leave with my 3rd child, born in July, and my other children are 6 and 7. So many great tips already on this thread but a couple of thoughts from me:

• Work out what jobs, if not done, make you feel overwhelmed / out of control, thus making it harder to tackle any of it. Ie work out your overwhelm triggers. For me, it’s if I’ve got loads of un-hung clean laundry, and if the dining table is a shitheap. For my husband, it’s if the kitchen is messy. Once you know what they are and how they bring a disproportionate amount of value, it makes it easier to do them, and then everything else is easier

• do little tasks when you think of them. Need to sign that permission slip? Do it now, when you’ve thought of it. Just had an idea about a Christmas present for someome? Make a note of it on your point now Don’t let it occupy your mind twice.

• if you’re finding it hard to keep an area tidy, it might be the system, not you. That area doesn’t have the right system to enable you to keep it tidier and is fighting back. Work out a system that works eg easy storage, hooks, a holding pen like a basket in a dumping ground area. The system should be easy to maintain once you’ve got it right

• on some level, accept that houses are for living in and that you are entitled to enjoy your time in them without worrying about what the next thing to do is. Sometimes the next thing to do is: stop and relax and enjoy your home. There will always be another thing to do so it’s all an exercise in managing demand for your labour which would, if allowed, run untrammelled.

• more practical: wash each child’s laundry separately so you’re not sorting. I have 5 cotton bags with days of the week and I make up uniform packs for the older 2 at the weekend and then it’s done for the week.

• work out what’s ongoing and what’s a blitz job. This is a personal decision and will vary from person to person. Eg I have a basket for outgrown baby clothes, and I therefore never have to sort them - I just drop things in the basket when she outgrows them. Whereas filing, for me, is a blitz job. I have a wooden box under my desk where I put papers as they come in and when it’s full I go through them and file them.

Calendar in the kitchen. If it's not on the calendar it's not happening.

Weekly "helper" who helps with ironing, cleaning and odd jobs like window cleaning.

Competent husband.

Also, delivered meal kits.

And a big tub in the front hall cupboard for things to donate or give away. If I'm tidying and I find, for example, a too-small top I put it in the tub. Trip to the opp shop once a month at least.

Calendar in the downstairs loo - it's the one place you pause and visit often!

AVOID IRONING. Have a washing machine with a timer and plan when loads will end - make sure you don't absolutely stuff it, remove clothes quickly, hang shirts on hangers to dry and NOTHING needs ironing (not in my house!)

Declutter - use Freecycle, Facebook, ebay and charity shops. Make room for things to go away, it helps loads. As kids get older, they tend to keep more stuff in their rooms and downstairs gets less messy.

Incentivise the kids to tidy up, even as little ones they should keep things neat. Toddlers generally love tidying up (though mine has quite a tough time working out what goes in the bin and what goes in the laundry basket!).

I can get quite a lot of cleaning done with the little one in tow. I take a bag of toys and puzzles around with me, and pick off little jobs like dusting, cleaning windows, putting laundry away.

Have a helpful OH. At weekends, OH has the kids so I can do a big bathroom and kitchen scrub down. Then during the week I can stay on top of daily cleaning.

Oh my other tip is to invite your MIL round - this always makes me going into a cleaning/tidying frenzy and I get things done magically far faster than normal!