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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work place bullying

59 replies

Vari757 · 07/10/2020 09:23

AIBU to think that bullying goes on in every work place and everyone encounters it at one point in their lives?

I work for a smallish company in a male dominated industry but unfortunately was targeted by two different women that made my life at ability to do my job very difficult. It calmed down after I spoke to one of our directors but I'm still deeply hurt by it all and cry about it sometimes and during the height of the bullying I was put on anti anxiety medication as I was struggling to cope.
It got to me thinking about previous jobs I've had and I've actually came to the realisation that there has always been at least 1 person that has been really unkind to me in every job I've had. None of these have obviously been physical bullying but emotional put downs, rumour spreading and attempts to undermine and pushed out of projects. I'm quite sad about it actually.

Does everyone experience this and I just need to get on with it or am I doing something wrong that causes this behaviour?

OP posts:
CoRhona · 07/10/2020 20:42

From now on I will leave ASAP if I encounter a toxic person

This is fine unless you've been there a long time and the bully comes in to your organisation...

Notthetoothfairy · 07/10/2020 20:46

Definitely not everywhere (though I agree it is common). I can’t imagine it happening where I work right now.

When it does happen, it is always about the character of the bully and not the person/people being picked on.

Original poster
Vari757 · 07/10/2020 20:50

Definitely not imagined! This was emails outside of work well into 10/11pm telling me all the things she had perceived that I had done wrong that day with my boss copied in when I didn't report to her and the other woman spread awful rumours about me that couldn't possibly be true they were so ridiculous (e.g having relations with someone in my car during lunchbreak) so I really wasn't imagining it. The other work places I meant that there was always person that would be rude and unkind but I was able to brush it off but still be a bit miffed.

OP posts:
BobbinThreadbare123 · 07/10/2020 20:55

Schools are rife with it. Sometimes I get flashbacks to how horrible some people were. Some blatant and some insidious, two-faced backstabbers.

Daphnise · 07/10/2020 20:59

Workplaces of all sorts can be horrid environments. But I have worked in some where, on the whole, there was reasonable harmony- and that's about the best you can hope for.

As for comments about HR- don't bother with them, they are useless and just a tool of the management. They will not help you, and don't see doing that as their job anyway.

carlywurky · 07/10/2020 21:15

That's not necessarily fair or true about HR. I've tackled all sorts in my time - put my own job on the line to get one senior bully out on one occasion.

Thankfully it went my way and we're a lot better off for it. It sends a clear message that it won't be tolerated from anyone.

nosswith · 07/10/2020 21:21

YANBU even if it is not affecting you currently. There are probably some exceptions but I expect they are rare.

JumpingJamboree · 07/10/2020 21:29

Yep I have had it twice. One locked me in the office alone with her to scream at me which was totally unprovoked as it turned out another member of staff had been spreading lies. Luckily both were fired for gross misconduct. In my current workplace, whilst heavily pregnant, I called somebody out on trying to ignore processes we had put in place. She screamed at me in the open plan office for being 'a snitch'. Luckily her manager was sat right next to me and saw the whole thing so I didn't have to complain to anyone. She came back with her tail between her legs and whilst I have said it is water under the bridge, I will never trust or forgive her.

gandalf456 · 07/10/2020 21:50

I did a bit a few years ago in my current workplace. Retail can have a bullying management culture, traditionally speaking, but it is modernising.

I've found two things that have helped: stand up to them straightaway - even when they have an audience
Talk to your colleagues. It's likely you aren't the only one

There are people who seem to be magnets. People who are a bit timid, younger people as they tend not to have developed assertiveness skills, and people who can be a tad irritating, which is probably me Grin

I'm pushing 50 now and can spot inappropriate behaviour a mile off. I take no prisoners. I will be nice, very nice, if people are nice to me but have no qualms about being tough when necessary

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