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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that DSs nursery is having a Halloween party...

75 replies

mm22bys · 11/10/2007 15:54

that's being held on a Saturday (so not even on Halloween day / night) that he has to go fancy dress to and they're having a pumpkin carving competition?

I must be really lazy, but I can't be bothered taking him. It's being put on by the PTA.

He's only new at the nursery from this past Sept, and I am thinking a get together for all the new parents and students and the terachers, around the time he started, would have been much more appropriate..

AIBU? Am I real kill-joy?

OP posts:

olala · 14/10/2007 21:12

Yes, you are being a kill joy and a totally ungrateful cow! The PTA will have worked their asses off to put this on, and it is precisely attitudes like this, the moany grumbly 'it should be done like this..not like that' from parents whose children benefit from the fundraisers, but who moan about attending, and never ever help out. I am on the PTA at our school and I would love to say this to lots of the parents at our school, but cannot, so I'm sorry - you're getting the brunt of it!
but really, yes, total kill joy, go, get involved, get stuck in, make new friends, you might even enjoy it!"

Gobbledispook · 14/10/2007 21:13

Oops, sorry, that was a bit harsh.

It's a bloody thankless task being on the PTA though, it really is. We arranged a halloween disco - have you any idea how much spare time the PTA put into it? To raise money to benefit YOUR child?

Elasticwoman · 14/10/2007 21:15

Yes and I keep thinking oh plenty of time till Halloween.

Our school isn't doing a Halloween thing for the kids, but a Murder Mystery evening for the parents.

I was going to tell the OP that with nursery age kids you can get away with not doing these PTA organised things, but I'm not sure why she needs MN to help her make up her mind about it and I think she's gone away now anyway.

xXxspookyxXx · 14/10/2007 21:16

yabu and a bit of a kill joy

Elasticwoman · 14/10/2007 21:17

BTW Gobbledispook, your reward will be in Heaven for all your hard work organising the Halloween disco and I hope you don't get killjoy godsquad members criticising you for it, as happened at my dc's previous school which was C of E.

lilospell · 14/10/2007 21:19

MM22BYS: Join the PTA and put your point of view forward. Don't let other parents work their butts off to raise money for YOUR school and YOUR children then come on MN to slag them off. Go to the meetings with constructive alternatives. YANBU if you don't like what your PTA organises. YABU if you are too lazy to do anything about it.

olala · 14/10/2007 21:21

o do you know what elastic...we have this at almost every PTA event we organise! I could sometimes kick the wall with frustration.

Xmas - the Jehovas won't help out as Xmas is offensive and does not really exist. OR something.

Halloween - the Xtians get a right bee in their bonnet so we renamed it Guy Fawkes night...

Guy Fawkes Night - the catholics object as Guy Fawkes was a goody...fair enough...so we siad what about Divali...

Divali - Muslims cannot come to this as clashes with something I think - like fasting, or Eid, or ramadan...? cannot remember.

Summer Fete on a saturday - jewish parents objected.,

Summer fete on a sunday - xtian parents objected.

My overwhelming urge is to say fuck the lot of you!!!

The 8 active members to everything, regardless of our religion or stress levels.

Heaven better have seriously loads of wine.

MrsSeanSlater · 14/10/2007 21:24

Olala, I was thinking about joining our PTA but I may have to think again after reading that...

olala · 14/10/2007 21:25

ok, no please don't think that. Fuck the lot of you was a silly thing to say, I don't really mean it, but sometimes it is seriously frustarting. Though we are all lovely good friends, have a blast getting together for drinks afterwards, and we are slowly but surely increasing in nkuber, and we are so pleased to see new faces we practoically fall over ourselves. So please join yours...they'll all be so pleased to see you!

lilospell · 14/10/2007 21:26

MrsSeanSlater - join! For every pain in the whotsit, there are lots of lovely people who will become good friends. No different to any other social group (including MN). Some you like, some you don't. But getting to know the really great people makes up for the others....

dee24 · 14/10/2007 21:29

Hmmm, getting a bit out of hand! Tbh I probably wouldn't go, would rather arrange my own party for dd. It's nothing at all to do with not appreciating the work people put into it, I just would rather not! That's just me

olala · 14/10/2007 21:30

do you have an active PTa at your school? do you know what the funds they raise pay for? If you have one, then I am sure your child/ren benefit - why wouldn't you go along and support? I'm not asking from a critisey point of view .,I'd just really like to know how to get people like you to get involved, as it seems to have become our PTA's life mission!

MrsSeanSlater · 14/10/2007 21:33

Was that to the OP Olala? I think she's long gone.

olala · 14/10/2007 21:33

no its was to dee24, sorry - tired, not posting properly

dee24 · 14/10/2007 21:36

My LO is at nursery the same as mm22bys. Saturday is 'our' time so I prefer spending it solely with my dd as I work and go to college throughout. Plus I don't drive and would not like to spend money on taxis to get there. If it was at another time (an evening) then maybe, just not at the weekend. Nurseries could easily hold a halloween party during the day, couldn't they?

dee24 · 14/10/2007 21:37

Midweek day I meant! Think I'm tired too lol!

olala · 14/10/2007 21:39

o ok, sorry dee24, i thought you were syaing you just wouldnt go to PTA events per se, not just ones on a Saturday. could you not make the exception every so often for your child's school fundraiser though? Its hard to please everyone - some people work and so cannot attend during the day on a week day, some people live too far, or have much younger children to come out in the evening, and then there is the untold amount of religious stuff going on at weekends. I suppose a good way is to just have a mix of events at different times and days so that we hold at least something that everyone can come to.

lilospell · 14/10/2007 21:41

Even tho I'm an active PTA member, would agree weekends not best time for these things. But if everyone at PTA meeting agrees it's a good idea, how do they know what those not there are thinking? So, if the weekend doesn't work for you, don't go and don't feel guilty about it. But at the same time, think about how you can get message across to the PTA, even if you can't make their meetings.

Blu · 14/10/2007 21:41

WEll, she did say on Thursday afternoon that she thought it might be good, she could get a costume etc....but there you go! Once a theme develops on MN it's hard to stop it!
(I cross-posted with her as I am a very slow typist!)

olala · 14/10/2007 21:42

you could send them an email!
Well, you can send our PTA an email.

And after we had been resustitated, we would be so grateful that anyone had bothered to communicate we would probably send you a bunch of flowers and nominate you fro some kind of award!

MrsSeanSlater · 14/10/2007 21:43

I agree about the weekend thing. I'm a class rep for DS1's class and we're organising a year 1 christmas disco, and it never even crossed our minds to hold it at the weekend. It will be after school, as all the children will already be there and parents will just have to pick them up a couple of hours later.

dee24 · 14/10/2007 21:43

I would do evenings throughout the week, and would especially go to school plays etc as I remember how nice it was to see my mum there watching . I didn't think nurseries/schools etc did things/events at weekends. But now that think about it I'm sure I used to go to xmas fayres at weekends at my primary school.....so long ago though so I can't be sure lol!

olala · 14/10/2007 21:44

we don;t do anything at the weekend except the summer fete. otherwise all our events would be quite lonely.

Elasticwoman · 14/10/2007 21:50

Our school had a Beetledrive on Friday which we could send our dc to UNACCOMPANIED! It was heaven. (Only juniors were allowed without parents).

Olala - I am so sorry about all the different religions moaning about your PTA events. Our school is non denominational but somehow seems to attract WASPs only. (Halloween killjoys were previous school) There must be an upside to such a cosmopolitan school community.

Gobbledispook · 15/10/2007 11:35

Well someone suggested to us doing it on a week night after school. Well how on earth would that work?

Children do umpty dumpty after school activities.
Lots of parents work so wouldn't be around to get their children into fancy dress - take them and collect them.

The PTA would not have time to decorate the hall and set up because school doesn't even finish until 3.30 - PLUS, we all have our OWN kids at that time so how would we get organised for the event?

Starting a party at 4pm for nursery/reception is going to leave it too late for children that young to get home, bath and bed - especially on a school/nursery night.

On a Saturday, PTA can leave children with partner and spend time getting teh venue sorted. On a Saturday, more parents are off work than they are in the week so easier to get children ready for party, take and collect them.

We DO consider these things but you can't please everyone.

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