Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a cow?

28 replies

LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:22

Namechanged.

My husband has two children with his ex.

They stay with us 50:50 and mum works nights when they are with us.

The children have basically asked whether their dog can come to our house with them when their mum works.

My husband seems to be all for it, I've said no. For the following reasons:

We've had her stay a couple of times before. Whilst she's a lovely little dog, she's very old and messes on the floor a lot. I spent the times before cleaning up wee and poo off our carpets.

We live in rented accommodation so it's obviously a risk having a dog messing on carpet when it's not our house. Not so much because of it being against the TA as we have pets ourselves and the landlord has always been fine with this but obviously we don't want them ruining the place.

We have our own dog who is very young and a bit boisterous so I don't think it's fair to have this elderly dog and them together multiple nights a week.

And lastly, I just don't want two dogs. It's not once or twice, this is literally half the week. It's crazy enough as it is with all of us and our pets now, nevermind cleaning up after an elderly dog who's probably scared to death from being in a random house half the time with another dog she doesn't know (she's partially blind and deaf!).

I'm being made to feel guilty because she's on her own at home when ex works though and the kids would like it.

OP posts:
pepsicolagirl · 06/10/2020 16:24

YANBU she probably likes the peace if she's an old girl and frankly she is not your reponsibility - harsh or not.

Feelingconfused2020 · 06/10/2020 16:25

I think it doesn't sound like the right decision for the dog because of your dog. I'm not someone who knows about dogs but it seems like it might be unsettling.

However I think the dog mess reason is something you can solve by telling the kids it would be their responsibility to clean (even if your DH redoes it afterwards) they might think twice then anyway.

Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:26

@pepsicolagirl

YANBU she probably likes the peace if she's an old girl and frankly she is not your reponsibility - harsh or not.
This is what I said. I honestly think this is more because the kids would like it than it being what's best for her.

I really can't see her wanting a young boisterous dog in her face trying to play.

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:28

With the dog mess, I don't really care who cleans it up. I still reallt don't want poo and wee on my carpets and floors. It's hard to get out and it's not our house.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 06/10/2020 16:28

Tbh it sounds very unfair on the poor dog .

MJMG2015 · 06/10/2020 16:29

I would allow it on a trial basis on the understanding that DH cleans up after it and that it all works out ok. Give it a month.

I'd hate to know the poor old thing is home alone overnight and the kids are upset by it.

But I wouldn't see them as 'two children my DH has with his ex' 🤷🏻‍♀️

sapnupuas · 06/10/2020 16:30

Where does the dog currently go?

Boomclaps · 06/10/2020 16:31

Was the dog DH, Exw and the DCs family pet?
I think this is where it makes all the difference

Alexandernevermind · 06/10/2020 16:32

I think its unfair on the older dog, to your landlord and also to you - why is it your responsibly to clean up after her when there are 3 other people in the house who should take the responsibility?

Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:32

@Floralnomad

Tbh it sounds very unfair on the poor dog .
I agree.

Kids are saying 'but she's home alone when mum works'.

I understand that but I really think it's better than being lumbered between two houses not knowing what's going on and with our other pets too. She just sleeps a lot.

plus it's not really my problem

I feel like I'm being asked to essentially get another dog that I don't want and is going to be a lot of work. If someone asked if we wanted two dogs, the answer would be no! So I don't see why this seems so reasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:33

But I wouldn't see them as 'two children my DH has with his ex

Sorry what did you want me to say? Me and my DH have two children?

No she wasn't a family pet.

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:34

And as I say, it's not about who cleans it up. It's about things like staining, smell etc... When it's not our property.

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:36

@sapnupuas

Where does the dog currently go?
As far as I know, she is at home overnight whilst mum works.
OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 06/10/2020 16:38

Yadnbu for all the reasons you’ve given. Stand your ground - your home and your the one who ends up cleaning up after the dog.

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/10/2020 16:40

You could ask the Ex to get dog nappies and bring a few extra when the dog comes over. They do make them specifically for older dogs that have trouble holding it in.

Nottherealslimshady · 06/10/2020 16:42

No dog that messes on the floor is coming in my house, old or young. When mine gets that old I'll look after her because I chose to make that commitment but absolutely no to guests that shit on the floor.
And its overnight, my dogs practically on her own all night because I'm asleep and she's asleep.

Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 16:47

And its overnight, my dogs practically on her own all night because I'm asleep and she's asleep

There is this too yes.

When mine gets that old I'll look after her because I chose to make that commitment

This is how I feel. I made the commitment to my dog so yes I'll do that for them when the time comes. But I don't want another dog which is why I haven't gone and got another one. Whenever there are threads on here where children are asking for pets the parent doesn't want, everyone says to say no?

OP posts:
Boringnamechanging · 06/10/2020 17:07

No dog that messes on the floor is coming in my house, old or young. When mine gets that old I'll look after her because I chose to make that commitment

This with bells on. My mum used to bring her mad not very well behaved spaniel with her for Sunday dinner. We even used to dog sit her when she went on holiday. But it all stopped when dh (not a great dog person anyway) and I got fed up of wet patches where ever the dog lay.

FippertyGibbett · 06/10/2020 17:08

Dog being on its own is mum’s fault, not yours.
No, I’d refuse to have it.

MJMG2015 · 06/10/2020 17:11

@LikeClockWork

But I wouldn't see them as 'two children my DH has with his ex

Sorry what did you want me to say? Me and my DH have two children?

No she wasn't a family pet.

My DH's eldest children (my step children)

Or simply 'my DSC'

Slightly less 'cold' than 2 children my DH has with his Ex.

Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 17:16

Oh bugger off. You know nothing about my relationship with my husband's eldest (only) children (my step children) just from one sentence because I didn't use your pre approved wording 🙄

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 06/10/2020 17:17

@LikeClockWork

And as I say, it's not about who cleans it up. It's about things like staining, smell etc... When it's not our property.
Then why make such a point of saying YOU cleaned up?

I spent the times before cleaning up wee and poo off our carpets

DH just needs to make sure it's properly cleaned up each time & that he cleans the carpets fully in the spring.

I get it's annoying to have a dog you didn't ask for, but your husband has two older children & he and the children would like their dog to come with them. If he's going to clean up after it properly then I think it's churlish to say no.

Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 17:17

And I didn't say '2 children my husband has with his ex'

I said my husband has 2 children with his ex. A statement of fact. Nothing more. You don't need to read anything more into it. Unless you're specifically trying to find it?

OP posts:
Original poster
LikeClockWork · 06/10/2020 17:26

And the children wanting the dog doesn't really come into it for me, although I'm sure you'll tell me how cold that is. I'd say the same whether they were my children or not.

We are the ones responsible for the house and keeping it in good condition, we are the ones who could lose our deposit due to issues caused by the situation, we are the ones who will likely end up cleaning up after the dog and dealing with everything else that comes with owning one.

The children would love to have 20 dogs I'm sure. But we have to act responsibly as the parents.

On the other threads you see here though when children are begging parents for a pet that one of them doesn't want and the resounding opinion is that you don't get said pet unless you want it/are prepared to take responsibility for it, I'm sure I'll see you saying 'but the children want one'.

OP posts:
MzHz · 06/10/2020 17:32

Hmm... have these kids not been acquainted with the word “No” yet?

“I want” is not a demand anyone has to obey.

You’re the one doing most of the bloody childcare too when they’re with you too eh? And you’d have to clear up their dogs messes?

You need a serious word with your oh, starting with a Hell No to the dog, and not to be asked or pressured again.