Should I tell ex that I slept with someone else?

[riverrain]

A bit of background - me and ex both 22 and were together for almost 8 years until we split up 3 months ago. The break up was due to me feeling as though the relationship had run it's course and that we had just outgrown it from being together at such a young age.

He took it very badly and we still talk now and again. Although I had made it clear that it was over he insisted that he would not move on and that he would wait a few months incase I changed my mind, I told him not to do this but he was adamant.

In the last 2 weeks I have been missing him and questioning if I made a mistake by ending it, I know I will never find someone who loves me the way that he does. I know that he's still 'waiting' for me and that he would get back with me in a heartbeat. But the problem is, around 2 months after breaking up I slept with someone else I know that he would be absolutely heartbroken and devastated if I told him I can't imagine his reaction, I don't think he would get back together if he knew.

Although I was completely single I feel so guilty. My question is, if we were to get back together at some point should I tell him that I slept with somebody else?

No do not tell him

And yes you will find someone who loves you as much. Go no contact.
Don’t settle. Find someone who you love as much as you should.
You are having these thoughts because of habit and because you know nothing else because you were together so long.

Personally, I think you should grow up a bit. You are both 22. Time to do some living by yourself.

No I wouldn’t tell him. You weren’t together. It’s not really any of his business.

I would also weigh up if it’s really him you are missing or just the familiarity and ease of being in a relationship. You said you felt it had run its course after getting together at a young age - has that changed? Or would you feel the same way again if you didn’t slot back into old ways?

People sometimes make mistakes and break up with people prematurely. But more often than not your instincts are correct, and the underlying reasons for why things ended doesn’t change.

You are only 22. This is all you've known since what 14? Don't tell him. Move on. He'll get over you and you'll both look back and realise it's a terrible idea to settle down from 14 with the same person so this was the best thing.

Wasn't there a thread like this the other day?

Reminds me of friends. You were on a break!

No don't fucking tell him. Obviously.

You won't have to tell him because...

1. It's none of his fucking business, and

1. You won't be getting back together with him.

Right?!

You broke up with him for a reason, and that hasn't changed. Stop waxing poetic and get on with your life. He's not right for you and you know it.

I know I will never find someone who loves me the way that he does.

Oh you will! And it’s not just about that- you need to love him back in the same way.

Youve been with him since you were 14. No wonder you ended it now. And no wonder you slept with someone else. There is so much more to discover out there in the world now you are single 😊😊.
You will be loved again. And even more and better then you were already loved. Promis.
But ..... if you do end up running back to your ex,do be honest about it. You were kids when you first fell in love. And newly adults now. Be honest.
But id say: dont go back to him. This books had ended. Time to read some more books

In my opinion you need to go no contact for a while.

It's not really fair on him to keep talking as friends if he's sitting round pining for you, but you don't want a relationship. He needs to go off and see what else is out there in life, just as you do. Let each other go for now.

Hopefully he's done the same ...
It'll help you both move on from this.

I think dial it down a bit.

Don't tell him, it's your private business.

Just try to move on.

Move on. You broke up for a reason - it’s still valid!

I know I will never find someone who loves me the way that he does.

You split up 3 months ago! You haven't even been single long enough to decide what to do next Were you expecting to meet the love of your life straight away?

You need to:

1. Stop talking to your ex - you are being cruel to him and you're not allowing yourself to move on.

1. Do not tell him you slept with someone else.

1. Give yourself time to discover who you are and the type of person you want to be with.

1. Do NOT go back to your ex - it will end again in a matter of months.

Was this thread up a while ago?

No, do not tell him!

You don’t have to tell him and shouldn’t if it will only make you both unhappy.

But think long and hard about whether you actually want to get back with him, and give it another few months before making a decision. You didn’t end an 8 year relationship on a whim - there were reasons why you felt he wasn’t right for you. Spending the rest of your life with someone is too big a commitment to make to someone you’re only settling for. Make sure it’s really him you want back, and not just the comfort and security of a relationship.

Do him a favour and:

Don't tell him you have slept with someone else

Stop communicating with him and let him start the healing process. Keeping him on a waiting list seems a bit cruel.

with experience and maturity comes wisdom, put it down to experience, be mature and move on, know you will meet someone else who will rock your world.

If he asks I would tell him. Why not? You didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t think he’s been saving himself incase/until you go running back to him do you?

If he asks I would tell him. Why not?

Basic empathy? He has not done anything wrong as such, he is hurting, does not really need another kick while he is down.

Umm... 'love' isn't hanging about trying to guilt trip you with puppy dog eyes into taking them back.

Stay single for a bit. You need to get used to doing things on your own.

Taking him back because you're feeling a bit lonely or sorry for yourself is not fair on him.

You don't get with people because you are feeling a bit insecure and know they...like you (are needy af). That's not a relationship. It's codependency.

Stay single and work on learning to be comfortable by and in yourself.

Agree with @DillonPanthersTexas No need to keep him as a back up, just dial back contact, get on with your life and let him get over you (he will).

Another saying don’t go back I went back to my ex around your age that I had been with since I was about 17 . It was the familiarity I missed I think . Ended within a matter of months and I didn’t give him a second thought after that tbh .

There’s a big world out there go and enjoy it !

You're only 22 and from your message it seems you need to do some growing, learning to be happy on your own.

It sounds like he loves you a lot more than you love him. You seem comfortable in the relationship, but not really into it.

Do both of you a favour and leave it alone. Move on and let him too.

Basic empathy? He has not done anything wrong as such, he is hurting, does not really need another kick while he is down.

If he can’t handle the truth he shouldn’t ask then should he? Besides these sorts of things have a habit of coming out eventually, so always better to be honest straight away imo, otherwise trust becomes a serious issue.

You might never find anyone who loves you like he does, because you aren't going to meet anyone else you've been with since you were a child. But I sincerely believe you will find someone who loves you in a different way, and that will probably bebetter.