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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that in laws by huge presents for my bpys but so much less for my daughter

35 replies

annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:27

Dds bday and they got her a lovely present probably cost about £20 . However with my 2 sons last birthdays were expensive gadgets each costing at least £200+ each. I know that money isn't everything but wish they would treat them a bit more equally than this. Can't do anything about it but makes my blood boil at the difference in attitude.

OP posts:
coronafiona · 05/10/2020 20:28

That would annoy me too

DimidDavilby · 05/10/2020 20:28

That's really bizarre?

LemmysAceCard · 05/10/2020 20:28

Ask them, give examples if you can. Tell them that if it continues you will refuse expensive presents for the boys.

Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:29

Sorry just seen terrible spelling mistakes

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 05/10/2020 20:30

What ages are they? Just thinking older teens vs young baby

Camomila · 05/10/2020 20:31

What are their ages? I'd be ok with it if DD was say under 5 and the DSs were teens/over 10

Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:31

will suggest that. Think dh won't go with it as no other siblings so only family on his side. But I am so fed up of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:32

Dd is older. All teenagers.

OP posts:
HyaluronicHippo · 05/10/2020 20:33

Is your daughter their blood relative? Is there a significant age gap between the kids? Or are we talking pure sexism/favouritism?

wifflewafflebiscuit · 05/10/2020 20:33

That's horrible. I'd definitely ask why or get dh to ask why

NataliaOsipova · 05/10/2020 20:34

Agree with others - if does depend on the ages of the kids. Something thoughtful that a small child might want and love might well be a lot cheaper than the equivalent item on a teenage wish list.

CambsAlways · 05/10/2020 20:34

I had this for seven years with my mother in law she would give my daughter less money than my son, (done on purpose obviously) was very happy when she became my ex MIL

emilybrontescorsett · 05/10/2020 20:35

Yes is dd their biological grandchild? Otherwise no idea.

Totickleamockingbird · 05/10/2020 20:35

Wow! Horrible, horrible attitude. Even if they are the only ones, they should be cut off for this and at least uninvited from all other events in future. I will also discuss with your teens why you are doing this as they are old enough to understand this.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 05/10/2020 20:36

If hand on heart you think it's because she isn't a 'real' dgd I would hit the roof op.

gumball37 · 05/10/2020 20:36

Sure you can. You can say "in our family we treat everyone as equals, if you can't do that then we will not be accepting any gifts from you in the future".

Serenity45 · 05/10/2020 20:37

You can do something OP. My SIL had this with my dad and stepmum massively favouring nephew over niece. She very bluntly buy politely asked them to spend the same on both or please not bother. Similar difference as your example with nephew (who's 4 years younger) getting approx £150 spent and niece about £20. It worked and she hasn't had the same problem since. Sometimes polite but firm is best. No need to justify or explain.

Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:38

All blood relatives. Just seems to be pure sexism. I have wondered this for a long time but recently as they have got older it has got so much more obvious. Also no idea what to say to dd. They all love their uncle and aunt and she is too kind to say anything. But I am pretty sure she must wonder.

OP posts:
AmyandPhilipfan · 05/10/2020 20:38

Is DD your husband’s? it shouldn’t make a difference but it does to lots of people. My MIL typically spends about £60 on my daughter on her birthday and Christmas and only £10 on my foster kids - who have actually been in our lives longer and consider her their grandma. Fortunately they’ve never realised it happens.

Nanny0gg · 05/10/2020 20:40

Your DH needs to have a word

Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:40

Ops in a rush with this.

It is uncle and aunt not grandparents

OP posts:
Coffeecak3 · 05/10/2020 20:41

Your dh should stop this, it's not on.

My fil 60 years ago made it clear to his parents that they treated his son's equally or not at all after my dh got a big toy and his db money in an envelope at Xmas.

Why do people put up with this crap, your in laws know what they're doing.
A couple of quid difference fine, but £180.
It's totally unacceptable.
Tell them.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 05/10/2020 20:42

Hi OP you've got to say something. You're not sticking up for your daughter. You're letting her be treated unfairly and smiling and nodding along. It's not about the money its about unequal treatment. If they dont know what to get her they can get your sons less or top up hers with cash. Or if there is some other reason then they can do vouchers of the same value.

GameSetMatch · 05/10/2020 20:43

My in laws do this! They buy a nice gift for £20 for my boys but spoil my niece rotten at least £100 gifts!

Once my eldest wanted something for £25 and we had to give them the extra £5 because it was over £20. They are not hard up either!

Original poster
annaSab · 05/10/2020 20:44

serenity45, that is exactly it. Uncle and aunt buying huge presents for boys and very small for dd.

Thanks all, makes me feel better and that I need to make a point for dd's sake.

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