To be upset by this...nursery issue?

[pleasecanisleep]

Just picked up dc2 from nursery, he has only recently started. It's the same nursery dc1 attends and it has been amazing for him, although he was almost 3 when he went there whereas dc2 has just turned 2 and will understandably take longer to settle.

Due to covid we have set picking up slots but I was literally passing by and had tried calling a couple of times earlier to ask if I could pick him up early today, but no answer so thought if there's no other parents I'll ring the door bell and ask if it's ok to collect him.

Anyway it's a nature type nursery so half outdoors, half indoors and the entrance to his bubble is an outside gate in the huge garden accessed by a gravel path. When I got closer to the gate I could hear him crying and I looked through the holes in the fence to see him stood completely alone, no other adults in sight. I also left it for a while before ringing the bell to see if he really was being left (admittedly not very long because I didn't want to taunt him, plus I felt so awful seeing him like that).

When the staff member answered the gate I asked if he'd been left alone for long, she looked a bit taken aback and said "oh he heard you coming, he heard the bell. " But I didn't ring it for a minute or two plus didn't see any parents around picking their dc up before me. Also I heard him crying and it was louder as we approached the gate so he was clearly stood there waiting, upset.

I'm torn because one part of me is absolutely raging and thinking what the fuck are you doing leaving a just turned 2 year old alone out of sight, who still constantly puts rocks and all sorts in his mouth and on the other hand I get that the world doesn't revolve around my child and that he's one of many for them to watch.

I'm quite upset really because I feel the trust is gone and now don't know what to do with dc1 because he's settle and doing well there and due to start school in September.

It's a 6ft fence but it wouldn't have taken someone long to hop the fence or reach over and unlock the bolts, especially given the fact no one was near the gate.

AIBU here?

I’m afraid I wouldn’t really care what the reply was, I’d be nervous every day I left my child there. It’d have to be a good explanation and reassurance.
What’s the weather like where you are, because it’s been wet, cold and windy here (I know you said it’s a nature nursery, maybe it’s not U.K. )

This makes me so cross and must be in shitty nursery excuses book. I went to collect the child I nannied for and he was crying. They said it was because he knew I was coming for him .

YANBU at all, that’s awful. Hope your DS is feeling brighter tonight. Agree with PP that an email, stating the facts to the manager is the first step. But go with your gut instinct. Good luck OP

The experience of every nursery I've ever been in. Honestly there have been many.
Mine never went

I don’t know if I’m getting it right, but if your child was in the outdoor area alone while all adults were inside this is a serious issue. At all nurseries I’ve worked in at least two members of staff need to be in the outdoor area with the children.

I might be misreading and what you’re saying is there were adults outside but they were ignoring/not near him. If so this is still not very good. Either way I think I’d want to look for somewhere else.

My eldest went through nursery very happy and well cared for with one minor blip. Ds2 went to the same nursery, which had a change of management when ds1 left. He was miserable shortly afterwards, and when I came to pick him up at lunchtime in the winter I would find that the staff hadn’t put his hat and gloves on. He was only just three. It took me a while to see what was obvious: they just weren’t looking after him well. I took him out of that nursery and he thrived.

@Devlesko

The experience of every nursery I've ever been in. Honestly there have been many. Mine never went

Are you after the award for smug post of the day?

A swift conversation with the nursery manager for sure. Judge them on the investigation that is done and subsequent action that will be taken to ensure your DS is properly supervised and comforted. Write down what you want to say - don’t worry about appearing fussy or whatever - you are the only one who can advocate for your child and their safety.

My DD’s nursery had an escapee a couple of years ago (a child followed another family out and up the road). They lost their outstanding status because of it (and rightly so). Raise your concern, if you’re not happy then raise it with Ofsted and move your child. Hugs - nursery angst is the bloody worst.

I would have said straight away what you saw. It’s not acceptable at all. I work in a nursery and no child should be left alone!

The trust for me would be gone. To be honest, mostly about the fact she lied. It would have been different if a mistake was made, they were open and honest and learned from it- however, the are already covering it up.

I would speak to the nursery manager. I recently tried to settle my daughter in a nursery and saw this happen a lot. On one occasion, a girl was left crying by the door and her key worker didn’t even bother reassuring her but asked one of the other key workers to look after her. My husband saw a child left lying on the floor curled up in a ball babbling to herself. She laid there for 20 minutes and no one checked on her or tried to interact with her. We chose not to send our daughter to the nursery as we weren’t happy with the level of care there. This is not to slate nurseries as I know there are some good ones around but follow your gut.

Completely unacceptable. I’d have to take him out.

I would compose an email tonight and send to the manager it print off and hand to the manager tomorrow .

love the comeback

I'd call the manager tomorrow rather than email.

I think there are two issues really, one is care and one is safety.

I'd want to know how long he was crying, why he was upset, what they'd tried to comfort him, if they have a policy on comforting children (formal or informal - eg some nurseries discourage staff from picking up unsettled children too much in case it prolongs it or makes them too attached or clingy). If the manager says he literally just started crying when you rang the bell you can inform them that isn't the case.

Secondly I'd want to know how staff are deployed to supervise children - was he within someone's sight or hearing at all times (legally they should be within sight and hearing and must be within sight or hearing of an adult), would they have been able to ensure he wasn't able to put something unsuitable in his mouth, was the gate supervised at all times.

I think for me, it's the lying. How can you trust what they say in the future

Unless there are very good explanations coming as to why this was a one off, this would be it for me.

It doesn't really matter what the manager says though, does it? I would rethink childcare. Something similar to this happened to me with two different nurseries, and I then gave up and waited for preschool. The situation with bank staff was also worrying. As was the behaviour of some of the children which not being corrected by staff. Both nurseries had outstanding rankings. And the most amazing marketing literature and website. Way too expensive compared with european countries. I think a total rethink of nurseries is needed, just is nowhere near good enough. Like schools.

Ex nursery manager here and YANBU.
Agree about emailing the manager or even meeting with her/him

Your poor little boy, that's broke my heart. No child should be left alone crying.

My 2 year old just started nursery too and if this happened to her I would not take her back. I'd ask for any fees back too as they have broken your trust. And I'd contact ofsted or the council...or make a formal complaint.

Just read the update about the bolt too...Christ on a bike NO! My youngest only the other day made a makeshift climbing frame to try to unbolt our 6ft gate...I have padlocks on mine for that reason...and he's been doing this since he was able to walk, little sod!
The reply nursery gave was just weird. My youngest is an outdoorsy child and when I passed his nursery all at random times I'd never fail to see a nursery nurse there.
You definitely need a face2face. But I'm not sure I'd feel confident enough to send my child back.

OP, how experienced was the staff member you spoke to? If more junior, I’d be prepared to put the reaction down to lack of experience. But if the staff member is a more established and experienced member of the nursery team then I’d be having serious doubts about the culture/leadership there.

Either way, definitely raise it.

I am a childminder and none of my children are ever left unattended and if they are upset they are comforted, they obviously are more upset when they are settling as it is all new to them.
I'd be absolutely fuming if it was my child.
If you do decide to leave him there I keep checking on him and turn up at different times. They were not telling you the truth he was crying before you rang the bell. X

YANBU at all; I’d be really upset and worried they’d basically forgotten him or let him wander off. How did they not see he wasn’t with the other children? Put a complaint in writing and ask to speak to the manager.