to expect some effort on my big birthday

[Fortunategirl]

I have a big birthday this week and I’m feeling a bit low about it. My last big birthday, my DH made zero effort. No card, no balloons, no cake, no present. No surprises at all. It’s normal to be honest. He’s never made any effort on birthdays apart from when we first got together. So I know I’m being unreasonable to expect more really. How unreasonable am I? Just feels like a crap life if your partner never makes any effort. What’s the point of life if you never celebrate any occasions? So I thought I’d ask...does your partner decorate/make effort on your birthday or big birthdays?

I never had that my birthdays once I moved in with my aunt we’re just crap, being on holiday meant no decent presents.

If my DH was like this then I would just go out with my friends for a lovely meal and treat myself to a gift. If you would like to celebrate then don't wait for your DP to change because it doesn't sound like he ever will.

What's wrong with that? I'd love to be able to experience childhood hope and excitement!

Nothing, if your partner feels the same way.

@Catmads

YANBU Op, this year my birthday mattered to me too.

I've made massive changes since my 40th, I'm 7 years sober, 25kg lighter and I really wanted to mark how far I've come this year for my 50th and I had spoken openly about it .

I turned 50, 3 weeks after my Dd's Lockdown 18th birthday. I did everything I could to make the day special for her and despite the odds, she really enjoyed her day even though she was at home and none of her friends could actually be with her physically.

On my birthday there was zero effort from anyone apart from my next door neighbour who gave me a lovely hand made card.

It hurt like hell that I apparently matter so little.

Next year, I'm taking my neighbour out for lunch with me and sod the rest of them!

Thats so sad @catmads. Did you tell them that they had upset you? What did they say???

Never mind what he likes or expects - this big birthday is yours, not his!

I got fed up being disappointed and it meant I never felt like doing anything for his big birthdays, either - I'm a few months older than he is.

So for the last zero birthday, I made my expectations clear: I asked for a surprise trip to a foreign city neither of us had visited before with a good hotel and lots of interesting cultural things to do. He rose to the occasion beautifully and we both had a lovely time. And I felt willing and able to treat him to a trip to the city of his dreams when his turn came, which he would never have had otherwise.

We still talk about both those trips, though we've done plenty of travelling, together and separately, since. We both loved getting to the airport and not knowing where we were going until we joined the chek-in queue!

He has made a fuss on my birthday, but you don’t always get what you want & I want what I want. I’d be happy with a cake from Lidl, flowers, chocolate, wine, a good meal out. Call me a greedy bastard if you like but I book a holiday for us. I just don’t want to work, cook, clean, or do anything except have an adventure in a far away country on my birthday. There’s an awful lot of MN’ers that don’t bother 🤔