Would this annoy you?

[LoveEatYoga]

DH and I work from home for different employers but doing a similar job (professional).

I have more experience in this particular field.

As we happen to do the same thing and work from home, we talk about work and both ask for the other' opinion about things and that's fine.

Today he has come to speak to me once about a work thing he needs to do that he is not sure about. He came into my study and sat down and we talked for about half an hour. I have other things to do but he's my husband and I make time for him.

I had a lunch break at around 2 as that's when I was first able to take a break. As soon as I went downstairs he called me into his study to look at something. I felt annoyed by this point as I was a bit hangry and wanted to eat and needed a break but felt like I'd upset him if I said I couldn't help. I helped.

I had lunch and fed the dog. I mentioned the dog was acting strangely and I hope he's not unwell. DH made a sarcastic comment like "well he might be and he might not but you'll never know as he can't talk". I thought it wasn't very nice.

He might have even spoken to me again as at some point I sent him some example letters.

Now I'm working in my study and DH just came up to talk more about the same matter. I was listening but was doing something on the PC at the same time. He then said "you're not interested are you?" I said something like "I just need to get my work work done too".

I have something I need to do today that is taking ages and slightly stressful so could do without him interrupting me.

He then went and I could hear him saying as he walked down the stairs "I'll just muddle through it as usual. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing".

I don't think it was aimed at me. He's clearly stressed. Having said that, I have a job to do as well as I and I don't think it's fair of him to make me feel bad for not having time to help.

I'm busy. I'm being chased to get things done as I'm a bit behind after a couple of days off last week. I'm slightly stressed.

I am happy to help him when I've finished this or even the odd time throughout it the day but I just don't have time to have three lengthy conversations in one day about his work thing.

If we were both working in the office then this just wouldn't happen! He wouldn't call me in the middle of the day and expect me to stop working and help him.

I saw on Twitter that Susan Colman (i think that’s her name) said that when she’s working from home, she does not interact with her wife at all . They do their own thing during the day and get their work done.
They then both meet at the front door at 5pm to go for a walk and catch up.

I think that’s a brilliant idea. And something that would work for you & your husband. Who, quite frankly, sounds like he’s in over his head and should probably find a job he is actually competent at!

I think a do not disturb/scheduling meetings is a good idea.

I don’t think it’s out of the question to support him, but it does sound like he doesn’t respect your time/work.

I wonder if it would help if you have him time frames for when you can help. Like the other day when you said you needed to send an email first. Sending an email can mean a quick 2 line message (1 minute) or a long detailed statement than requires thought and attention (10+ minutes). In the first scenario I might be able to fire that off whilst still having the conversation with my partner. In the second I need quiet to compose, re read and send. It sounds like your email was in the second case but maybe your husband thought it was the first. Giving a time frame might have managed his expectations.

I would try to make it clear that any time you help him is during a break in your work. If he asks give a time frame for when you can pause and ask him to make a coffee for the two of you and you can help him whilst you drink the coffees.

Would a traffic light system work red DO Not disturb, Amber ask buy expect a wait and green ask me I'm free. I think you do need a system in place, maybe you could both sit down at the weekend to discuss how you both think this week has gone and how next week can be better.

Thank you for the constructive comments - some good ideas!

I'm hoping we both just had a couple of stressful days that unfortunately happened to coincide.