To regret claiming Child maintenance

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

My ex husband has never paid a penny towards our Dc. We broke up 7 years ago and he has seen the Dc a handful of times since. The last time he saw them was 18 months ago. The Dc are 12 and 11 now.

Xh has since moved on and has two more Dc and a fiancé.

He has ruined my life. He messages family members with lies which are all the time proven as lies. The most recent was he broke up with his partner and told her we had slept together and she messaged my husband via Facebook . The next day xh retracted the statement and admitted he lied to hurt her.

He has sent me death threats and abuse etc.

When he and his dp broke up she messaged me telling me he has spoke constantly about killing me, he has the route I walk to school (he followed me to my house years ago when he saw the Dc after I dropped them off at a safe place!) with my youngest daughter. He says he will happily lose everything to make me suffer.

Cms contacted me a few months ago saying he owes £6k and they want to collect. At the time I was pissed off that me and dh had once again bought the school clothes with no help so I asked them to collect it.

I had heard nothing from xh which I was surprised about but thought maybe he’s grown up. I haven’t heard anything from cms either so I rang this morning. They said they only sent the letter to him and his employer last week.

I checked his social media secretly to see if he posted anything regarding it 🙈 and he’s deleted everything, his fb, Instagram etc it’s all definitely gone.

Now I’m panicking that he’s removed it so he can “ruin my life” and hid his social media so that his friends etc won’t find out iyswim.

I feel like I’m on edge now 😩😭

Phone and ask for your local for force’s DV specialist officers. Many forces now have them. They are less dismissive of incidents and threats.

Death threats in messages whether text, social media, emails, they can all be used as evidence to obtain an harassment order. I considered this with my DV ex and my sister. Ultimately I just sent them solicitor ‘cease and desist’ type letters and that stopped them both before further police action.

My ex also owes child maintenance but he’s a master of hiding his self employment activity so we have never received any. I’ve never actually asked for it, and eventually CMS stopped chasing him and sent me a letter to say they don’t have resources to chase him anymore (shrug emoji).

You may as well give up the six grand owed, it sounds like the hardest debt chase you’ll go through, with possibility of further hurt.

Besides which, you're married now, your new husband takes on the children as his family so you shouldn’t begrudge him financially contributing to their welfare. My husband does the same, he wouldn’t dream of letting the kids bio dad pay for anything anyway.

Find better police help.
Good luck.

My best guess would be that he's deleted his social media because he's trying to hide his money and any evidence about his lifestyle.

If you receive death threats or malicious communication, go to the police obviously.

No we had no friends lol. He would try it on with any of my friends so I had none

Well, he sounds a peach! 🍑

£70 Amazon for 2 cctv cameras get one up front and one out the back.
£60 dash cam for your car that can stream to your phone
£40 video doorbell

Warn the school regardless (it would mean they could ring the police should he show up i guess?)

I reckon as a Pp said hes gone off grid probably claim hes left his new gf and she will say he dont live there ect to Avoid paying you.

I mention the cctv purely for your anxiety - which is understandable!

It may help stop your worrying. Always keep your phone charged and doors locked. Which you probs do anyway!

Chances are he really is just trying not to pay you and whilst i understand he should pay of course, if they can not get it from him then fuck it. Im glad they have you and your husband

OP, if he wants to hurt you in the worst way, I wouldn't assume you are the (only) target and I would start thinking about protecting the children.

You need your wits about you for every known movement (e.g. school runs - these are popular targets as the to and from locations are known as well as exact times and dates). Enter and exit your car/house swiftly and keep your car/house doors locked once inside.

My huge sympathies OP, I'm in a similar position to you and understand the limitations of the police. They act only once the unspeakable has already happened.