To regret claiming Child maintenance

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

My ex husband has never paid a penny towards our Dc. We broke up 7 years ago and he has seen the Dc a handful of times since. The last time he saw them was 18 months ago. The Dc are 12 and 11 now.

Xh has since moved on and has two more Dc and a fiancé.

He has ruined my life. He messages family members with lies which are all the time proven as lies. The most recent was he broke up with his partner and told her we had slept together and she messaged my husband via Facebook . The next day xh retracted the statement and admitted he lied to hurt her.

He has sent me death threats and abuse etc.

When he and his dp broke up she messaged me telling me he has spoke constantly about killing me, he has the route I walk to school (he followed me to my house years ago when he saw the Dc after I dropped them off at a safe place!) with my youngest daughter. He says he will happily lose everything to make me suffer.

Cms contacted me a few months ago saying he owes £6k and they want to collect. At the time I was pissed off that me and dh had once again bought the school clothes with no help so I asked them to collect it.

I had heard nothing from xh which I was surprised about but thought maybe he’s grown up. I haven’t heard anything from cms either so I rang this morning. They said they only sent the letter to him and his employer last week.

I checked his social media secretly to see if he posted anything regarding it 🙈 and he’s deleted everything, his fb, Instagram etc it’s all definitely gone.

Now I’m panicking that he’s removed it so he can “ruin my life” and hid his social media so that his friends etc won’t find out iyswim.

I feel like I’m on edge now 😩😭

Go to the police and if they don't take you seriously write to your mp. That way they have to contact the police on your behalf. This should at least result in the police investigating so they can reply to the mp.

[quote vodkaredbullgirl]@shesgonebatshitagain Yes i know, I have been there.[/quote]
Ditto

Contact the police and ask to speak to someone trained in domestic abuse. I had a couple of really bad officers before I got one who knew what they were doing, and they were specially trained in DA.

If all else fails, make a complain to a senior officer and point out how many people have lost their lives to DA this year from previous partners and the amount of times that the police later revealed that the victims had alerted them to the issues previously.... that should get them moving

Have you got CCTV OP? Is he allowed to pick the kids up from school if he wishes. My main concern would be the children.

The school no nothing about him. Literally nothing, they use my husbands surname and the assume he’s their dad.

So if he turned up asking for them they wouldn’t know who he was.

Don't go to the local police, have a look on line or phone HQ and find out if they have a specialised unit, probably a DV unit but could be called something else.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

The school no nothing about him. Literally nothing, they use my husbands surname and the assume he’s their dad.

So if he turned up asking for them they wouldn’t know who he was.

Is he on the birth certificate? Does he have parental responsibility? I’m not sure you can have it both ways. If he is on the hook for 6k of child maintenance then surely he’s legally their father.

You should look into step parent PR for your DH.

@justanotherneighinparadise
Non resident parents have a responsibility towards their DC, whether they are on the birth certificate or not.

It would be better for the school to be aware of him imo, I know they shouldn't be letting anyone they don't know collect anyway, but I would want them to be hyper vigilant. There are other ways he could get onto school grounds beside going for pick up. Also agree the police are notoriously crap for stuff like this, some is luck though, if you get someone who has the time and knowledge they can be super helpful. I would log anyway that you're perhaps concerned about a potential esculation if you've asked for the money?

Tbh I don’t think he will go after the kids/pick them up. He has constantly said he wants to “sign the kids over”.

We have looked into dh getting pr but I actually don’t think he would “sign them over”.

There are multiple schools here and I don’t think he has any idea where they go.

It’s not the Dc he’s interested in, he never has been. It’s hurting me. He has some sort of obsession with me. We were together from such a young age (well I was!!) and I ended up leaving him, he did lose everything and have to start again so I think he holds me responsible.

[quote Shitfuckoh]@justanotherneighinparadise
Non resident parents have a responsibility towards their DC, whether they are on the birth certificate or not.[/quote]
I can remember the registrar saying to my DP that by signing the birth certificate he was accepting PR and that he would need to provide financially for the child.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

Tbh I don’t think he will go after the kids/pick them up. He has constantly said he wants to “sign the kids over”.

We have looked into dh getting pr but I actually don’t think he would “sign them over”.

There are multiple schools here and I don’t think he has any idea where they go.

It’s not the Dc he’s interested in, he never has been. It’s hurting me. He has some sort of obsession with me. We were together from such a young age (well I was!!) and I ended up leaving him, he did lose everything and have to start again so I think he holds me responsible.

You know him best OP. I’ve just read too many stories of men targeting kids to get back at their exes. So I would be wary.

I don't mean this to scare you OP, and it is unlikely, but a way to hurt you is through the children. If he is as you say he is and going by his past behaviours, you should push for some support or guidance from the police. Is he still in contact with any mutual friends you had or whatever?

OP, he has probably just gone off the grid because they are chasing him about the debts and it's nothing to do with you.

Do you have a CCTV camera for outside your house? You can get them fairly cheaply these days and they are motion activated and pick up sound. We even have one in our living room (to watch the pets while I'm at work).

I'm guessing there are people around you on the way to school/work. He really would be very foolish to do anything.

I’m
Going to get cctv.

No we had no friends lol. He would try it on with any of my friends so I had none.

You need a good CCTV camera for sure I'd do front and back of the house.
I'd also talk to the school to make sure he doesn't try to exact his revenge on you through the children. Keep complaining to the Police.

@shesgonebatshitagain why should the cost of bringing up his children up be left to you? - they're not his children anymore, haven't been for a long time.
@Thedarksideofthemoon30 - the very first comment on this thread - go with that - cut ties COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY - ask your family and friends to do the same, including blocking his emails, calls, messages, etc.
Remove him from your life OP just like he removed you and your children from his life.
Good luck.

[quote VenusTiger]**@shesgonebatshitagain* why should the cost of bringing up his children up be left to you?* - they're not his children anymore, haven't been for a long time.
@Thedarksideofthemoon30 - the very first comment on this thread - go with that - cut ties COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY - ask your family and friends to do the same, including blocking his emails, calls, messages, etc.
Remove him from your life OP just like he removed you and your children from his life.
Good luck.[/quote]
Unless he has been stripped of or applied for PR be removed in the eyes of the law he is.

Therefore if he can pay CM he must.

He doesn’t have to be in the children’s lives at all either.

I am aware that men use maintenance as control issues sadly all too well but if he’s got about money to pay for holidays and have other children then pay up

The police are letting you down - please get in touch with your MP.

Claiming the CM he owes you shouldn’t cause you any more agro, let cm deal with it, give them the details they need and then forget about it (they will sort it).

As for contact, I would stop all contact with him, he has proven he can’t be a good father to the dc and has proven that he is an abusive twat threatening to kill you. If you have any evidence of threats then i would be reporting him to the police.

You say “he has ruined my life”? Don’t let him, he hasn’t, you are now remarried? Stop trying to look at his social media, stop contact with him completely, he doesn’t deserve to be in his kids lives.

I was let down by nhs, the mp sorted it. Please let the mp sort this for you.

Let cms deal with it

Any threats go straight to the police with

Stop looking at his sm accounts

If he's spreading lies simply ignore them, your friends and family will know he's a twat

Once you've got the CCTV set up it should help prove your case. Make sure it covers all entrances to your home and the outside. Ideally get a bodycam too if he's following you on the school run.

Unfortunately I'm not surprised the police have been useless. As one officer told me when my neighbour had been abused a while back, they won't do anything until something really bad happens, and even then only with hard evidence (the word of the perpetrator outweighs the word of the victim and neighbours).

Firstly why do you assume he has gone off social media because of the debts and to harm you? I understand you being scared but what I mean is he could have been off social media for a while it do you regularly check his accounts? If he has just gone off recently it could also be as someone else has said because he's hiding because if the debts. Of course you cant be too careful though so make the school aware of what's going on and also speak to the police and have you got a friend who could walk with you to do the school run?