To make a complaint 15 months later (child birth)

[PurpleThistles84]

I had my fifth baby 15 months ago. It was a pretty awful labour. First four were spontaneous, textbook labours. The fifth they decided to induce me a couple of day’s after my due date. I had excessive amniotic fluid and they broke my waters to get things started.

Things progressed well but I began to experience very severe contractions. They were so bad my husband had to literally pin me to the bed. I felt very strongly that something was wrong but didn’t feel listened to. My baby began to get into distress so they wanted me to start pushing. I was pushing with everything I had but he wasn’t budging and I was told that if I stopped screaming (literally in agony) and concentrated more on pushing ‘properly’ he would be born.

Long story short, it didn’t matter how hard I pushed, his shoulders were stuck and he had the cord wrapped twice around his neck. Every time I pushed he wasn’t moving and I was in so much pain I honestly don’t think agony properly describes it. I was made to feel like I was being dramatic, was not offered any sort of pain relief and when I finally asked yet again for an epidural, they said it was too late.

My baby was born by ventouse, the cord cut before he was actually out because it was strangling him it was so tight. Again the ventouse was done with no pain relief at all.

20 or so minutes before he was born, an older midwife came in and expressed surprise that I did not have an IV in my hand. Apparently because I was high risk an IV should have been put in before I was even induced. She was very apologetic about having to put one in but I didn’t even feel it, it was nothing compared to the sheer agony I was in.

My baby was born completely rigid and in need of 10 inflation breaths to get him to start breathing on his own. At the time I was just so so grateful to them, that my baby was here and safe.

However in the months since, whilst that gratitude is most certainly still here, I’m saddened that my last experience of labour was so bad. I felt embarrassed, like I was a drama queen, that they were annoyed with me and I was terrified. When it became evident that my baby was in difficulty the older midwife said she knew something had to be wrong because I had had four kids previously and they were all surprised at how ‘badly’ I was handling labour. I felt completely unsupported, extremely vulnerable and alone.

Is it unreasonable of me to have decided I want to make a complaint so many months on? I don’t want an apology and I really am very grateful my baby is safe, but I would hate for another woman to experience the same thing.

Good lord, I'm so sorry you went through that.

There are actually two reasons you should talk to someone. You're right about it helping future women. Lessons definitely need to be learnt from this. But it might also help you to let go of some of that trauma and start to heal, emotionally, if you can talk through it with someone who is involved with the service. Good luck OP.

YANBU! It's absolutely your right to raise concerns about your treatment, it sounds like there was at least one 'near miss' incident and as you say, it's important that this is flagged to hopefully improve care for others. You don't have a responsibility to do that if it would be too upsetting, it's not 'on you' f you see what I mean.
There should be info on how to make a complaint on the hospital website, along with info on timelines etc. They should also link to PALS who can assist you through the process.
Women are routinely belittled and dismissed when seeking healthcare, rips my knitting!

This makes me so angry. Women are far too often treated appallingly during childbirth. You poor thing. You may well be experiencing PTSD having been through such an awful experience.

Yes - you should say something. You deserve to be listened to.

I wish you well.

I’m so sorry. That sounds horrific. Please do report it, and I hope the process might be able to give you some sort of comfort and/or closure.

Yes, you should. My experience was not as bad as yours, but it was 8 years ago and I still wish I had complained.

Oh god, I am so sorry for what you went through.

And yes, complain. Don’t take a standard apology either, take it as far as you can. Not enough women complain about maternity and birth care and if they do, they don’t take it far enough and that’s why nothing changes.

I fought my trust for three years after one of my births and I know that it did prevent other women from going through what I did (the person lost their job in the end, quite rightly, and so couldn’t do what they did to me to someone else).

You definitely should. More women should complain as childbirth and postnatal care are really poor (or patchy at best) across the NHS and we don't shout loud enough. It's the only way we will achieve change.

Someone needs to listen to you and understand how they can improve the service being offered. Even though it was 15 months ago it’s still relevant and will help you process what happened.

I was told that if I stopped screaming (literally in agony) and concentrated more on pushing ‘properly’ he would be born

I hate this. I absolutely hate it. Whoever came up with that helpful piece of 'advice' to give to a woman in great pain should have to spend eternity in labour being told to stop making a fuss.

And yes, definitely complain. The nasty, dismissive way in which women are so often treated whilst in labour and their suffering minimised needs to stop.

My experience was no where near as bad as yours - a particularly unpleasant Bounty Lady- but still now, nearly 17 yrs later, I wish I'd said something.

Thank you for your kind replies, I was frightened to actually post this as I still expect to be told I am being dramatic, should have handled it better because I have had four previous children and so forth. I don’t have flashbacks, instead I just refuse to think about it, I don’t want to remember it. Those minutes where he didn’t make a sound and no one would tell me what was going on. It was my husbands first baby and so his first time witnessing labour. I’m honestly surprised he isn’t traumatised.

You're not being unreasonable.

That sounds like a shit show. It's the perfect time to bring it to someones attention as the dust has now settled.

I'm glad you're both OK.

Talk to someone my first two births were bad, my third even worse. Same hospital for all three and I've never complained. I wish I had now so they stop doing this to other mums. I hope you get some peace over it soon because mine still scares me now when I think about it.

It's awful how common it is to be told basically to shut up during labour also. I had midwifes telling me to be quiet on my last birth. It's disgusting.

I had very poor care and many mistakes during my labour aswell and the midwives were actively encouraging me to complain. I seem to have a feeling that I remember something about only having a year in which to do so though. I could be wrong, or it could vary from trust to trust, and I hope you still have time to complain because what you went through was appalling. I wish you luck.

YANBU - that was a traumatic experience and it should never have happened like that. Both for your own sake, to have your experience acknowledged, and for the sake of other women who may go through the same, you would be absolutely right to complain.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sounds awful and you should absolutely complain.

As it's been over 12 months, they don't have to investigate under the NHS Complaints Procedure, but often will anyway. With it being such a traumatic time, and so long ago now, your best bet is to start by obtaining a copy of your maternity notes. It does have a charge, but is so worth it, as you will have the information you need to make your complaint, and will probably have more questions, and greater clarity around what you're asking about.

Make sure you include in your letter what resolution you would like, e.g. procedure changes etc. Also, if they offer a meeting, take it, they're often really important in bringing the human side to the hospital, and can be very reassuring for you to be listened to.

I used to work as a Complaints Officer at a hospital, so if you'd like any info about the process, feel free to PM me.

Under the formal NHS complaints process you are out of time, as the regulations state that it is a year from an incident occurring, or from when you first became aware of the issue.

However you are only just out of time, and it's well worth putting in a complaint (email/letter to chief executive of the trust) as they may well look at it and decide to deal with it under the formal complaints process, or at the very least give you an informal response.

There will be an NHS complaints advocacy service in your area, this is free, independent and confidential, and they can provide you with information and support you through the whole process. Good luck.

Yes , report it. I feel furious and upset on your behalf that you were treated like this and not listened to, it is sadly horribly common, and needs to stop.

I have a copy of my labour notes, I requested them two months ago and they arrived last week.

My baby, at 15 months old, is developmentally delayed. He doesn’t babble, he doesn’t crawl or walk and barely put his weight on his legs. We are waiting on investigations to be done and a big part of me feels his birth is a big contributing factor. But of course I am not a doctor and I may be completely wrong.

I will make a complaint, thank you all for listening and replying.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. First I'd ask for a full birth de-brief and then make a decision from there about complaining.
The way you feel is valid, it's perfectly ok to Be angry about your birth experience and still grateful your child is safe.

You were not and are not dramatic. I want to thump medical professionals that spout this shit. Do they ever tell someone with a broken leg to stop screaming as it’ll heal quicker? No.

I’m glad you’re going to complain, you will help so many other women by bringing this to attention. I know that doesn’t fix what happened to you, but I hope it brings you some comfort.

Lots of good advice - i agree, complain for all the reasons given already.

Can i just say my experience mirrors yours in lots of ways.
4th baby.
Induction because they wouldn't 'let' me go 2 days past due date.
Horrendous pain unlike my other 3.
DH's first experience.
I thought i was going to die and they kept telling me baby is in distress.
Can't think about the birth.
I feel guilty for letting them go ahead.

One major difference is that in my case they did put an IV in before they started, but it was bungled first time and the back of my left hand swelled up like an egg. Couldn't use it. Other hand had the lines in ... so couldn't use that one properly either. It was 10pm when they took me into that room - i was soooo tried before i even started. i was like a bloody upturned turtle in the bed. Helpless. Awful. Then they couldn't break my waters ... i should have stopped it all. 6 and a half years ago and i still think about all the shoulda coulda woulda from that night.

And to cap it all the placenta was fine! Dr. casually said ''oh we probably could have left you at least another week to go naturally''. ...

I know they don't have a crystal ball - but bloody hell - after all that ...

Yanbu but do think through what going back through it will achieve for you. For some people closure is a good thing, for others bringing it all back up will not be helpful. Ultimately the job of the hospital is a safe birth - sometimes when things don't go to plan communication can lack, but that's because they are concentrating, things can get forgotten because something else was more important etc. If going through what happened and if it could have been avoided is helpful to you then contact the hospital, they can learn from each complaint

I had a terrible birth with my first baby, my notes said I was at risk of suffering from PTSD. A few months after the birth, like you I paid to receive a copy of all my hospital maternity notes - I was really shocked by some on the notes. I went on to make an official complaint. For me it did help to bring closure, I needed to know why certain things had gone wrong. Years on down the line I have been able to put that behind me and I went on to another baby and the birth was totally different to my first. Good luck.