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AIBU?

to be peeved that Ive just joined facebook and a member of DPs family is on there with dozens of pics of our kids on their profile?

70 replies

kitsandbits · 11/10/2007 10:03

Without us knowing at all or them asking me if its ok???

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incogneato · 11/10/2007 10:33

yep YABU.
I don't really see why you would need to be asked. Your children are part of their family.

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Caroline1852 · 11/10/2007 10:44

YANBU - Is it OK then to put up photos on the web of your children naked in the garden, in the bath, the video of them being born - where do you draw the line? Much easier, if as a rule you do not make decisions about other people's children. If you want to post pictures of your own children then that is completely up to you (or them - but that is another discussion).

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polecat · 11/10/2007 10:54

I agree with Caroline1852 - I'd be peeved to say the least.

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Oenophile · 11/10/2007 10:57

My uncle got very het up about me posting a pic of DD's cousins on our family website as part of our Family News page - 'the cousins came to visit last weekend' kindof thing. I removed it at once of course, but couldn't help grinning to myself when he later proudly sent me a pic of the same kids from the local newspaper, complete with full names... I suppose he knows that no perverts read the local newspaper, as opposed to all those who lurk on the Very Dangerous Internet.

But yes, I suppose they should have been aware that some people are sensitive about this and asked first.

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Lazarou · 11/10/2007 11:12

I've got pics of my kids on there and it's only the people in my friends list that can see them. I don't think there is anything to worry about.

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Lazarou · 11/10/2007 11:13

Of course, if you are uncomfortable then they should remove the pics

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UnquietDad · 11/10/2007 11:15

I set all my picture albums to be viewable by friends only.

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kitsandbits · 11/10/2007 11:17

Yes but I dont know is SHE has done that unquiet dad.

And besides most of the 75 people she has as her 'friends' on facebook who can view her pictures are complete strangers to me!

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UnquietDad · 11/10/2007 11:19

agree perhaps she could have asked out of courtesy.

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bookwormmum · 11/10/2007 11:21

Ask her to remove them then. I am cagey about posting pics of my friends for similar reasons. As long as they're not tagged [named] or wearing things that could identify their whereabouts like school uniform, there's probably little danger.

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incogneato · 11/10/2007 11:21

I really can't get my head around what the danger is? of people you don't know looking at pictures of your dc? how is this potentially harmful in any way to them?
and if it is because your children "belong" to you well I am not sure that attitude is all that healthy and I can't agree that other people should know you have that attitide. that other people don't have rights over them?
your dc are their (?) nieces and nephews, cousins?
don't they have a legitimate interest in them?

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goingfor3 · 11/10/2007 11:26

My sister in law asked permission to put up some pics of my kids. It was nice of her to ask but she really didn't need to only her friends will see them!

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bookwormmum · 11/10/2007 11:30

My dd was featured in this summer's activity brochure in my borough (she was photographed with my consent at a previous activity day). She wasn't named but dozens of people have told me about it (as though it may have escaped my notice ). It's not in the same potential league as the www. but thousands of people could have seen her images. I don't know whose seen that either.

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goingfor3 · 11/10/2007 11:31

What it the worse thing that can happen? I doubt very much someone will deicde the look the look of the child and try to track them down

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muppetgirl · 11/10/2007 11:47

Just looked on sil's beebo thingy and she's got one of my ds. I don't mind as it shows she is actually thinking about him as she never contacts us even though she is ds's godmother...

oh, and the photo is about a year out of date anyway!

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TigerFeetInLovelyNewShoes · 11/10/2007 12:16

My brother has pics of me, my dd and dh on his Facebook profile - the thing that upset me most tbh is the fact that I look utterly dreadful on most of them

It never really occurred to me to be annoyed that he didn't ask, but I suppose that's just me.

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newgirl · 11/10/2007 12:19

if it upsets you then do ask them to take them off but dont be too harsh - im sure they had the best intentions

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Hellcat · 11/10/2007 12:35

Look at it this way - if 75 grandparents friends know who the DCs are, no-one is going to steal them eh? In case someone comes up and says, hey, this is a stolen child - see how Maddies Mum and Dad want her name and picture everywhere they can get it?

We are all SO neurotic and paranoid about paedo danger but do we drive everywhere at 30 miles an hour or live underground in case of asteriods?

no.

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herbgarden · 11/10/2007 13:51

I agree - I was going to post a piccie of my ds and my best friends little girl on hols so that a mutual friend in the US could see them (friend is technophobic) but then decided it wasn't right to do so without asking even though the permission rights are for friends only..........just felt it was polite to ask as it's not just the mutual friend who has access but all my other friends too....

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bookwormmum · 11/10/2007 14:00

You can close bits of your profile off for some people if you don't want them seeing all as it were. You have to go to limit profile (under privacy tab), nominate people then select what they can see or not see but I think that the selection goes for all you put down there - you can't cherry pick bits of your profiles for each individual person.

You can restrict some photo albums in that way but you can't really ask someone else to do that unless you are really good friends IMHO.

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meemar · 11/10/2007 14:14

Don't strangers see your children every day when you take them out in the street?

Ok, maybe out of politeness she could have asked, but maybe she didn't think it was a big deal, because really it isn't!

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Lazarou · 11/10/2007 14:26

A friend, and I use the term loosely, put a horrendous picture of me in my youth on facebook. Actually, she has put up loads of pictures of herself smiling and looking a bit demented. Hmmm, I might have to remove her...

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zippitippitoes · 11/10/2007 14:27

I have put pics of my dgs on without asking dd2 and oics of my son without asking him...and other people have pics of me on there looking awful in their albums...I think most people i know only have profiles set to friends and there is nothing much that can happen really as far as i can see

I do understand if you have a reason to fear being found though but that is different and I'm sure it's not the easiest way to find someone...you would have to be able to find friends/relations first to know where to look and i have found that pretty hard actually

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meemar · 11/10/2007 14:29

LOL lazarou! - I am far more worried about friends putting up hideous pictures of me than cute pics of my kids!

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Lazarou · 11/10/2007 14:38

Exactly Meemar!

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