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AIBU?

to be peeved that Ive just joined facebook and a member of DPs family is on there with dozens of pics of our kids on their profile?

70 replies

kitsandbits · 11/10/2007 10:03

Without us knowing at all or them asking me if its ok???

OP posts:

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ShesAWaterfall · 11/10/2007 14:52

glad this came up - my brother who doesn't have kids, has pics of my dd on facebook without my permission.

i was a bit pissed off about it but haven't the courage to bring the subject up with him. partly glad he's a doting uncle, partly worried about who's looking at the pictures without me knowing.

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muppetgirl · 11/10/2007 16:18

...but then my brother has pictures of my ds at his house in another country. I have absolutely no idea who is looking at them but what harm can it do?

Surely if you can restict who is looking at the photos then that should make those who don't like the idea feel better?

I'm sorry, I just don't get what the upset is

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meemar · 11/10/2007 16:57

I don't get it either. I think there are two issues that potentially cause upset.

The first is that it's your child therefore you feel as a parent you have the right to say who can see the pictures. But you don't own the photos, so people can show them to whomever they like. Have you never shown a friend some photos of a wedding, for example, and said 'oh that's my neice katie, my sisters little girl', would you expect the person to ask your permission for this? The only way to get round this is to never let anyone take a photo of your child - even a family member

The second issue, which I really don't get is the fear that 'strangers' can look at a photo of your child. So what? Strangers see your child in the flesh every day. We see photos of children we don't know every day in magazines and catalogues. What is the problem?

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cktwo · 11/10/2007 17:07

I really don't get this thread at all. I have children, they are on my Facebook site. They are not naked, they are doing what children do - playing. Is that any different from taking them to the park????

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LoRayningNewtsAndFrogs · 11/10/2007 17:08

Ok, if my family had one or two pics up on whatever site, I would be fine, but dozens???
Not because of who could see them, but it's just a bit weird.

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MaryAnnSingletomb · 11/10/2007 17:17

I'd be very cross -[ I'd never post any pictures on facebook - I only post pictures of ds on mumsnet and wouldn't dream of putting any of him with friends or with my niece on

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meemar · 11/10/2007 17:18

LoRayn - some people don't bother selecting photos when they put an album up on facebook - they just upload everything in that particular folder - it's really boring because you have to look through hundreds of photos sometimes.

But it's not necessarily weird - if the kids were in a lot of pics with family members kids for example, or there are just lots on pics of them from that particular event then it could happen.

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meemar · 11/10/2007 17:22

But MaryAnn - if you were showing a friend in your house a picture of your ds and your neice was in the photo, would you call your (brother/sister?) first and ask permission to show your friend the photo?

I really can't see how it's any different, but I'd be interested to hear how it is.

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ivykaty44 · 11/10/2007 17:22

Regardless of how I feel about this - I do believe that your relative is very possibly breaking the law.

You are not allowed to just publish photographs of children - even if you took and own the photograph you need to seek permission to actually publish the photograph. Publishing does include the internet as far as I am aware.

I was asked if a photograph of my dd could be used on the internet by my local council - I agreed but others did not.

I have also had forms home from school asking if a photograph of my dd can be used in the local newspaper - again i have no problem with this and have given permission.

On a personel level - it is good manners to ask first then no one gets offended.

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bosscat · 11/10/2007 17:25

You can really control on Facebook who sees what. if someone typed in my name searching for me they would not even see my picture let alone my profile, friends or family albums. There is just a question mark and they have the option to send a message asking me to accept them as a friend which I can choose not to do. They cannot access anything about me at all. I am really careful who I accept as a friend and really only have people who genuinely are friends. I don't have anyone on there who I would be funny about seeing a pic of my child. You need to make sure that your family member takes the same precautions and if so then i can't see what the problem is.

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MaryAnnSingletomb · 11/10/2007 17:26

I suppose because anyone could be looking at them,rather than someone you know - it just makes me feel a bit vulnerable for some reason - although obviously I don't know people here on mumsnet and any mumsnetter can look at my pics, it somehow seems different on here - which doedsn't really make much sense ! Actually it took me ages to feel I wanted to post any on here, it's only since I've been posting quite a lot on threads and feel I belong here and 'know' people better !

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muppetgirl · 11/10/2007 17:34

This I did find weird...

My mil sent photos of my ds to her sister in austria by email to her husband. She did this for months. Then her sister phoned and asked for some photos of ds as she had asked. MIL obvioulsy said she had been sending them regularly to the husband. It turned out he had printed them out, put them in an album soley dedicated to my ds and no one else and NOT shown them to her.

That I don't like. I've never even met the man, had a conversation with him and he didn't come to our wedding yet he has an entire photo album of my ds (dh's uncle this is btw) that he hadn't even shown his wife - the BLOOD relation.

SO a couple of random photos that probably aren't that good on a networking website that can be resticted as to who views them really doesn't bother me

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glaskham · 11/10/2007 17:38

it doesn't bother me to be one tiny weeny bit- i have hundreds of photo's of my two on my facebook, anyone can see them, they are named in them- i just want to show them off to my friends and family on there!!....ds's godfather has some recent pics from their joint christening on his, i dont care- i am chuffed to bits he loves my kids enough to make a facebook album to show em off!!!

to be honest you have more chance of walking your toddler down the street a stranger hearing you shout his/her name and deciding to go further than anyone looking at a facebook photo and thinking oh i'll have to find out where he/she lives!!!

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zippitippitoes · 11/10/2007 17:49

no one is reall y interested in other peoples photos only the ones they know and then presumably they can see them anyway

I haven't bothered to look at most people's photos on my facebook unless I either think there is a reason I might be in them or they are certain friends...for eg there are peopl I haven't known for ages or mners on mine and once I've looked at them I'm mostly not that interested in looking at random photos

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zippitippitoes · 11/10/2007 17:50

ie the mner or the friend...I don't go on to look at their friends or even their profiles partic

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inthegutter · 11/10/2007 22:32

I have a school photo of my niece in my sitting room. Should I take it down, given that visitors to my house may see it? I also have photos of various family and friends in photo albums - should i never show these to anyone? Personally i wouldn't go out of my way to show photos of other people's kids, not for any sinister reason, but mainly because I wouldn't assume that anyone else would be interested! I love my own kids, but not desperately bothered about seeing other people's, which is why I don't really 'get' a lot of this facebook stuff. But maybe that's just me gettin old!!

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ItsNotOnlyTheGoodBits · 11/10/2007 23:50

I can kind of understand the op. Personally I have no probs with friends putting up pics of ds on their websites.

However when I started a blog I did ask my friends with children if they minded me putting up photos of their children - these would have only been in a group context with my own ds. Only one person said no and I have not put any of her child up. Obviously no photos of kids in the bath together are put up at all...ever, I don't care if you can set the privacy.

On the other hand she has just put together her own Facebook page and it will be interesting to see if she puts any photos of her own child on it, or if she asks anyone else for permission.

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ashadasher · 12/10/2007 00:13

i think its common courtesy to ask first.

but as for the safety angle, i just dont get it. what is the danger? i have posted pictures on mumsnet on my profile and they're no more private than facebook.

in fact, i worried more about the pictures of me, following a recent discussion on something that i shall not mention here; since then ive recevied some messages of support that its all okay, so for now, they stay! each to their own i guess?

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elkiedee · 12/10/2007 00:44

I know other people who feel as the poster does and my facebook profile has lots of pics of my baby but I haven't put up photos of anyone else's kids online as I do think there's an issue of respect and manners here.

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elkiedee · 12/10/2007 00:45

What I mean is that I have some photos of my son with other babies/children but I don't put those up.

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