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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Natalie Connolly deserved so much more.

79 replies

SmileEachDay · 03/10/2020 10:32

www.birminghammail.co.uk/black-country/natalie-connolly-killer-john-broadhurst-19023076

The man who killed her and pleaded the “rough sex” defence is due to be released after less than 2 years in prison.

This is a further tragedy for her family and tells us a lot about how women are valued.

She deserved better.

OP posts:
Underadesk · 03/10/2020 13:40

The problem is no one gives a crap about sex based violence. The way that the justice system allows victims sex lives to be torn apart shows this. And because of this we seemingly now have a culture where being ‘fucked’ with any object going in an attack is seen on a level with enjoying a light spanking /role play.
And even more as its a woman..... I’d love to see how the stats match up for same sex based sexual violence. Thats not homophobic, but realistically, do we think men are treated this way? (I can imagine the misogony towards leabians already)

gypsywater · 03/10/2020 13:46

@Billben Wish someone would brick it

eatsleepread · 03/10/2020 13:54

Oh my word. I hadn't heard of this case. How absolutely awful. Sad

jdoejnr1 · 03/10/2020 13:55

There are women who consent to all sorts of dangerous sexual acts. Take the woman in the below news article. Had she died no rightmided person would've believed that she consented to a loaded gun being used as a sex 'toy'. But her very own account says otherwise. This is why it is so difficult to disprove at court.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-43839437

Howlooseisyourgoose · 03/10/2020 14:11

Surely the onus should be on men not to perform dangerous sexual acts on women?

BovaryX · 03/10/2020 14:16

This sadistic thug should spend decades behind bars. This is an indictment of the justice system in the UK and exposes serious failings. How was Natalie's killer able to use the defense he used when Natalie's blood tests showed she was incapable of consenting to anything at all, let alone torture and death? This case is a travesty. Her family must be going through hell.

KnightsofColumbusThatHurt · 03/10/2020 14:17

[quote jdoejnr1]There are women who consent to all sorts of dangerous sexual acts. Take the woman in the below news article. Had she died no rightmided person would've believed that she consented to a loaded gun being used as a sex 'toy'. But her very own account says otherwise. This is why it is so difficult to disprove at court.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-43839437[/quote]
It is strange though isn't it? Men are generally regarded as often being a bit selfish in bed, they aren't exactly renowned for putting in loads of work and time to ensure that their partner is totally satisfied, especially if its at the expense of their own pleasure.

But strangely, if a woman says that her 'fantasy' is to have the shit beaten out of her, be strangled or have a bottle of carpet cleaner shoved into her vagina, suddenly these men are falling over themselves to ensure that their partners pleasure is top of the list, that all of her fantasies are carried out, that nothing else matters as long as she is getting what she wants in bed? They are forced into it, obviously they don't want to cause her injury by sticking a plastic trigger bottle into places it's really not supposed to go or punching her in the eye, but if she is asking for it, begging for him to do it, well, her pleasure comes first doesn't it?

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I would also add that any woman whose 'fantasy' is to have a loaded gun stuck into her vagina, is highly likely to be a traumatised individual who has quite possibly suffered from abuse in the past. Any half decent guy would reply with 'woah, no I don't want to do that to you, no way, that is way too violent for me sorry, I'm out'. But these men always seem to be so willing to fulfill these fantasies..... Hmm

PicsInRed · 03/10/2020 14:25

Rape of women and girls is in practice legal both de jure and de facto to such a high extent that the murder of a woman is also legal ... as long as you rape her at some point around the time of the murder. Then the entire event is legal, fine, golden mate. Just sex gone wrong. 🤔

Remember the movie Scream? They pointed out that a woman who has sex in a horror movie inevitably dies. So it seems to be in life. Have sex, including by violent rape, murder now legal. Our lives are a horror movie.

And people claim it's good to be a woman in the West. The fuck it is. Four words to that: "toilet duck" and "catastrophic haemorrhage".

BovaryX · 03/10/2020 14:26

The suggestion that Natalie 'consented' to torture and death are ludicrous. She had consumed the equivalent of several bottles of wine and was in no condition to 'consent' at all. Her injuries were horrific, as described in a letter written by a midwife linked below.

womansplaceuk.org/justice-for-natalie-connolly/

Dagnabit · 03/10/2020 14:26

This is near where I live - the family are still campaigning for justice but it doesn’t look like they will ever get it Sad

PicsInRed · 03/10/2020 14:27

At least in India they have the death penalty for "rarest of the rare" - which this absolutely was.

We in the UK don't even have murder convictions and proper prison time - or, often, any conviction at all.

jdoejnr1 · 03/10/2020 14:31

@KnightsofColumbusThatHurt

By your logic women could not consent to anything other than 'vanilla' sex. You don't get to push your own sexual choices onto other women. Besides, the point being made is that 'rough sex' is being used a defence to murder because no woman would consent to that type of sex. My argument was thats just not true. ANYONE who uses a weapon as a sex toy gets their sexual kicks from the risk and both women and men can fall into that category. Not mine and many others cup of tea but denying it doesn't help anyone.

Queenoftheashes · 03/10/2020 14:33

He’s absolute trash. I cannot believe how leniently he was treated.

PicsInRed · 03/10/2020 14:40

jdoejnr1

The law invalidates consent to many things which unreasonably damage or kill a person e.g. organ donation, even to one's own child, is heavily restricted. We have an age limit to sex and we do not permit a child to give consent. We do not allow people to consent to being murdered and cannibalised. We prosecute it.

We should prosecute men who brutalise, throttle and "accidentally" murder women also.

PicsInRed · 03/10/2020 14:41

Also, as if she in any way consented to that.
THE FUCK SHE DID.

BovaryX · 03/10/2020 14:46

This indefensible defense is going to be banned. The campaign group We Can't Consent to this calls this a positive step. The government needs to ensure this travesty of justice does not ever happen again.

^The so-called "rough sex gone wrong" defence will be outlawed in new domestic abuse legislation, a justice minister has told MPs. Alex Chalk said it was "unconscionable" that the defence can be used in court to justify or excuse the death of a woman "simply because she consented".
He said it would be made "crystal clear" in the Domestic Abuse Bill that it was not acceptable.
The bill, for England and Wales, is due to become law later this year^

Gancanny · 03/10/2020 14:49

Given that she had enough alcohol and cocaine in her system for those levels alone to be dangerous, I think it would be safe to presume she was close to being unconscious if not already unconscious. People in that state cannot consent to or participate in anything.

When my children were smaller they would try get away playing potentially dangerous games like pushing each other off the stairs or helping each other dangle one-handed off the bunk beds with the excuse of "he asked me to" or "she asked me to" and my response was usually "if he/she asked you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" They very swiftly learned that someone asking you to do something that you know is wrong and potentially harmful is no excuse and that while that person has the right to harm themselves in whatever way they like, you have the right to say no and to walk away because participation brings liability.

Halfeatentoast · 03/10/2020 14:50

This makes me want to cry. So so wrong. My heart goes out to her family.

KnightsofColumbusThatHurt · 03/10/2020 14:51

[quote jdoejnr1]@KnightsofColumbusThatHurt

By your logic women could not consent to anything other than 'vanilla' sex. You don't get to push your own sexual choices onto other women. Besides, the point being made is that 'rough sex' is being used a defence to murder because no woman would consent to that type of sex. My argument was thats just not true. ANYONE who uses a weapon as a sex toy gets their sexual kicks from the risk and both women and men can fall into that category. Not mine and many others cup of tea but denying it doesn't help anyone.[/quote]
Oh not this shite again. 'Vanilla sex' always bloody comes up doesn't it?

It's not about 'pushing my own sexual choices onto other women'.

No man is obliged to strangle his partner, punch her in the face, or stick a loaded shotgun into her vagina. It is his choice to carry those things out on his partner, he can say no. If he makes the choice to do those things and it ends badly, then he should be punished accordingly. It doesn't matter a single shite that 'she asked for it', if she dies or is seriously injured at his hands then he is responsible and should be held fully accountable for his actions, including a proper prison sentence.

I wonder if so many men would be willing to put so much effort into 'pleasuring' their partners with violence if they knew that they would feel the full force of the law if it 'goes wrong' (which is hopefully what is going to happen now actually)? And if all these women who are apparently so into having seven shades of shit beaten out of them in the name of 'great sex', can't find a man willing to do it for them, then that's just tough shit really isn't it? They will have to get their kicks a different way.

BovaryX · 03/10/2020 14:58

jodoejnr

Your comments about 'consent' are ill informed. Which part about Natalie's alcohol levels being such that 'consent' was impossible don't you understand? Natalie was in no condition to 'consent' to anything.

jdoejnr1 · 03/10/2020 15:01

@BovaryX

jodoejnr

Your comments about 'consent' are ill informed. Which part about Natalie's alcohol levels being such that 'consent' was impossible don't you understand? Natalie was in no condition to 'consent' to anything.

Where did I comment on Natalie's case? I didn't so please do not put words into my mouth.
BovaryX · 03/10/2020 15:10

Jdoejnr

Er, Natalie's case is the subject of this thread. Her name is in the title. Did you miss that? If you are incapable of addressing the thread's topic maybe you should open a different thread.

SebastianTheCrab · 03/10/2020 15:10

YANBU

SmileEachDay · 03/10/2020 15:13

You don't get to push your own sexual choices onto other women

Bullshit.

Should men be allowed to have a “sexual preference” that is ramming a bottle into a woman so hard he injured her? Throttling her until she passes out? Breaking her eye socket?

This is not about women’s sexual preferences.

OP posts:
PinkiOcelot · 03/10/2020 15:14

His 3 year and 8 month sentence was an absolute joke to start with. What an absolute disgrace!