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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is unrealistic? (childcare/covid)

71 replies

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 08:55

I'm a Nanny, looking after one 3 year old girl.

Mum is worried about Covid, and since March the rule has been that LO can only do activities either inside the house or outdoors, where there few people.
So we can go to the park (but not the playground, as people will have touched the structures), we can go to the play farm but only do the outdoor activities, not the soft play. We avoid the town centre because of the people, and won't go into shops as a general rule, but if we do they should be quiet. Group activities/classes like playgroup, monkey music, gymboree etc etc are not allowed.

This was ok during summer, but now the weather has changed meaning we rarely go outside. (Parents also don't like LO going outside when it is windy, cold or raining as they fear she will get ill).

I work 24/7 as a "rota nanny" - meaning I work 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off with another nanny. LO doesn't nap anymore, so we have 12+ hours a day to fill with indoor games for 21 days straight. I'm the queen of rainy day activities, but I'm running out of energy and ideas. I'm starting to dread going to work (and I've only been in the job 3 months!).
She is quite dependant, and needs to be constantly engaged plus her age means she will only spend 5 minutes on one activity before getting bored. She doesn't have any friends so no playdates etc.

I've tried to discuss going out to do more things, where she can socialize, but Mum shuts down the conversation fast.

I don't know whether I'm just not being safe enough? But I think it is more unhealthy to stay inside and not see new people/things for months, than the small risk of catching Corona?

Sorry for my bad English!

OP posts:

Original poster

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 09:49

I am appreciating everypnes ideas but just to say that I have 100s of activities that we do, and a schedule etc etc.

I'm not short of activities indoors and I know how to fill the time - my AIBU is whether it is reasonable for a three year old to spend almost an entire winter indoors with no peer interaction.

I am grateful for the ideas, truly, but I also do know how to make a routine and things I've been a Nanny for a long time.

OP posts:

Original poster

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 09:50

@TrustTheGeneGenie

It's not a cultural thing their are being weird and over protective. They also sound like they know absolutely fuck all about children (which is likely true if you and another nanny care for their little girl literally 24/7!)

What do they expect you both to do all day? I would seriously ask them this. Because 20 mins screen time and no outside, no socialising, I mean most kids go to nursery a few hours a week at this age because socialising with other children their own age is very important (I'm sure you know this but sounds like they do not!)

They sort of know some, but still make the decisions to stay inside. I don't really know how to bring it up again - because I feel like I am being patronising to keep saying "she needs to make friends, and play outside, and its OK for her to get a cold" etc.

OP posts:

Bollss · 03/10/2020 09:51

As a parent I tried to get my child to play alone. Because, you know, I had other shit to do. Doesn't everyone do that? Makes no difference that op is a nanny. She's more comparable to a parent than a nursery.

thereinmadnesslies · 03/10/2020 09:51

Could you connect with another nanny with a child of a similar age so the child gets used to playing with other children. Could you find a similar set up (only child with cautious parents doing limited activities) so your child’s parents feel reassured that the child is not a risk.

Bollss · 03/10/2020 09:52

Op what does the other nanny think of it all?

BertieBotts · 03/10/2020 09:52

It's not sad to encourage a bit of independent play, it's an important skill. It doesn't mean you are off reading a magazine or otherwise ignoring her. You can still be nearby and observant. Children who are constantly entertained turn into screen addicts later because they don't know how to occupy themselves.

In a nursery there is no way that every single child has an adult leading their activities at all times and I would think it was very controlling and stifling if there was!

Winter2020 · 03/10/2020 09:57

My son will be three in January. With winter looming and little to do we have booked him into nursery Mon, Wed and Friday afternoons. Each day is 3 hours and £15. We can’t afford it easily but feel such a lack if activity (with no baby groups/active play) isn’t fair on him and is bad for his development. Obviously money is unlikely to be an issue for your employee and the child would get free hours the term after they are three anyway.

I appreciate the family that you work for are encouraging you to “stay safe” but could you try suggesting that their child will benefit from mixing for their social and emotional development. Covid is very low risk to little children (thank god). Are her parents shielding? If they work in a higher risk environment such as a hospital the child will be more likely to catch it from her parents than the other way round.

For activities to hold attention my lad loves sandpit, moulds, spades, toys and can’t get enough of playing with water. Perhaps even in winter little one could play with some warm water (Just a washing up bowl/tea set etc) and toys outside - trying not to get themselves wet and cold.

Also does playing songs on you tube (heads/shoulders... happy and you know it...) count as screen time?

Original poster

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 09:57

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Op what does the other nanny think of it all?

She doesn't speak the same language as me, also she is very new so it would be difficult to ask. I will try when I go back to work next week, and see if we can swap numbers.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/10/2020 10:05

I’m a nursery manager and my staff spend all day playing with the children.

Wow, can you offer 1:1 with no breaks?

OP what does the other nanny think? Are they equally frustrated?

I have a 2 and a 3 year old and as it’s currently not raining, they’re in waterproofs playing outside with each other. The thought of being inside for a whole weekend fills me with dread, let alone a whole winter. I’m not especially outdoorsy, but it’s important for them.

reefedsail · 03/10/2020 10:07

Surely the child just needs a full set of really good scandi style outdoor clothing and to be out lots. Will the parents actually know whether you have been for a 10 minute walk or 3 hours in the woods if you just put 'walk' on the feedback??

She wont actually get ill and it would be in her best interests to be out.

Original poster

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 10:07

I will ask the other Nanny but she only speaks Arabic, my English is not perfect but my Arabic is basically no.

OP posts:

Original poster

TennisBunny · 03/10/2020 10:08

@reefedsail

She wont actually get ill and it would be in her best interests to be out.

Mum is at home a lot, she doesn't work.

But also, even if I don't agree it would be bad for me to lie. I would rather find a happy average with them.

OP posts:

Bollss · 03/10/2020 10:09

@TennisBunny

I will ask the other Nanny but she only speaks Arabic, my English is not perfect but my Arabic is basically no.

That's a shame. Is the child English? Do you each teach her your own languages as well?

Noteventhebestdrummer · 03/10/2020 10:11

It's really unreasonable for them to ask you to do this, it sounds like the kid is in prison!

Poppingnostopping · 03/10/2020 10:11

I don't think this sounds a very healthy environment in terms of child development, in that the child is not learning some very key skills which by age 3 are becoming important, such as occupying self, socializing with other children, resilience and robustness through outdoor play and so forth. It sounds isolated and a bit suffocating for the child.

However, that's how they want the care done. I am not sure what you can do other than move on to another family whose ideas of child development aren't so far away from your own.

Looneytune253 · 03/10/2020 10:14

I'm a childminder and all the stuff about where to visit and where not to go due to covid all sound about right and is how I've been working since June when we were back at work. HOWEVER I wouldn't not go outside and enjoy open areas. We spend hours each day either in the garden or walking on the local tracks or beauty spots near by. We've also spent time on the beach keeping away from others. Talk to the parents and even if they still say no, they shouldn't say no to walking with little one in the pram with raincover just to keep your sanity. But hopefully they'll say it's ok with the appropriate clothing

reefedsail · 03/10/2020 10:15

I wouldn't count not specifying the length of a walk as lying TBH, but obviously a moot point if the mother is home.

Maybe provide the parents with some research evidence about the benefits of outdoor play?

festfestfest · 03/10/2020 10:18

You work 7 days a week? Don't the parents spend any time with her?

Danascully2 · 03/10/2020 10:24

If the parents are not from the UK in my experience there are many cultures where getting out in the fresh air regardless of weather is just not a 'thing'. Playing in a garden maybe but not playparks or splashing in puddles or similar. I'm thinking particularly of the Middle East because of the mention of an Arabic speaking nanny but I've also come across this attitude in a variety of other cultures. But I am not sure how you could overcome it when they are your employers, unless they are the kind of people to be motivated by 'grades'/ doing well at school, in which case the EYFS curriculum may help you as previously mentioned. Good luck! And for your own sanity, would a 2 week on/off schedule be a bit more manageable? Or is the 3 weeks non negotiable because family wants to travel or something?

Ratatcat · 03/10/2020 10:24

I was going to ask what does the mum do if she doesn’t work and is at home. The whole thing sounds very stifling and unhealthy. Children that age need to be with other children. I actually think that level of risk aversion could be quite damaging (as well as the weird relationship with the parents).

BikeTyson · 03/10/2020 10:26

I think the parents are being unreasonable and over the top with their rules. I feel sad for the child. But I don’t know how to vote, because they are entitled to set their rules. I think the best thing to do is get a new job.

Yes this is how I feel too. They’re entitled to make the decisions they have, although I think they’re being way over the top e.g. with playgrounds.

nannynick · 03/10/2020 10:33

It's been really hard and it will continue being hard. I care for a 2yr4mth old and we do the school run for the elder child and then 9-3 we don't see other children. Toddler groups are not running. Swimming pools have started up some sessions but the timing does not fit (9am for a toddler swim session, are the pool organisers mad... can't do school run and get to swimming pool in a few minutes).
We went for a walk with the dog in Windsor Great Park and saw horses, deer, a tractor, lots of leaves and stones to collect. We did not see any other children around at all.

For many years I have been trying to meet up with other nannies in the area and it just does not happen. We used to meet others at toddler groups as those were drop in, so no commitment so if the day was nit going to plan then you did not have to go... with the paid music/gym group things few are pay-as-you-go.

This must be an issue for many parents and carers. How are you meeting up with others with similar aged toddlers? Are you meeting them at all at the moment?

Ohdoleavemealone · 03/10/2020 10:35

So mum doesn't work but has a full time live in Nanny?
Sounds like she may have mental health problems if she is setting all these rules and not caring for the child herself?

trunumber · 03/10/2020 10:36

Honestly I think you need to respect the parents wishes and if it's not for you, then leave.

I have lots of empathy for you, I would HATE to have to play indoors all day but they get to choose what they want for their kid. And their fear may not be about their child catching it but instead themselves catching it from her.

My childminder is amazing - just incredible. And she's not doing play gyms or large groups either yet. To be honest, I don't think I would comfortable if she was (I am in local lockdown area though)

Ps your english is outstanding- you don't need to apologise for it.

Danascully2 · 03/10/2020 10:45

Ps I should say I know my comment above is a big generalisation so apologies to any parents from the Middle East here who love doing puddle walks/playparks etc!

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