Leaving 12 and 9 yo in house late at night...

[oldrosie]

Am I being unreasonable to be angry at husband for leaving our 12 and 9 year old at home alone until 10.30pm ?

In my area a 12 yr old child has died after a fire in her home. She lived in a housing estate and there was an adult in the house. My response would be that this is never safe.

Depends why, for how long, how urgent it was, how responsible they are etc

I’ve had to leave mine at home asleep at not much older than that (maybe 11 & 13?), to go and pick up their older DB at midnight when his car got locked in a car park. I left them a note explaining in case one of them woke up and they’re both very sensible and mature.

I also occasionally pop out to pick up food for their packed lunches late at night when I realise we have no bread etc.

I’ve popped out for a walk with friends and ended up unexpectedly stopping at a pub for an hour or two on the way home, but that was more recently - I wouldn’t have done that when they were 8 and 12.

If it was more like the first examples than the last, I can’t see an issue with it tbh. But if it was just him going out with mates then it’s not really ok, even though the risks are the same, the validity of taking those risks is not.

A 12 year old is mature enough to get out if a smoke alarm goes off during the time they're awake. I'd be worried that I hadn't given them the life skills that they need if they didnt know that

Why is 10pm so much worse than say, 6pm?

To me, the duration of being left alone is more important than the hour?
Accidents can happen any time of day or night, and actually probably more likely in the day when kids are lively and getting up to mischief than in the evening when they are tired?

For mature kids you trust and who know how to call you, fine. But people are a lot softer nowadays and think there's a lot more crime even though there's not (just more publicity for the less crime there is) so it's not unreasonable to avoid doing this to not get grassed up by some local snitch.

It would depend on the kids and how long he was gone for. I couldn't leave my 16 and 10 year old cause there is always too much messing and things get broken, the 16 year old is fine on his own though.

Why is 10pm so much worse than say, 6pm?
I left my child home alone in the day for short periods from 8, late at night from 13.

I think the hour makes a difference as if I was expected home at 6pm, wasn't home at 7pm and he couldn't contact me, he could easily go to a known neighbour at that time or call a friend or family member. If I was expected at 10pm and it was 11pm, he may hesitate to call someone else at that hour, or they may not be contactable. He could decide to wait until morning. To avoid that, you would need a pre-arranged contact who knew the child was home alone at that time.

Some children (and adults) are also scared of being home alone at night. I was scared being alone at night in my childhood home as a teenager and an adult and so was my sibling, it felt like there was a presence in the house. It was just that house.

I'm not sure why he time of day is relevant?

What are the circumstances?

I don't see anything inherently wrong with it but it depends if it was through lack of choice (ie. a last minute emergency) or because he was out on the piss and didn't bother to arrange a babysitter.

@whatsyournamenow

I'm not sure why he time of day is relevant?

Because some 9yo's are still afraid of the dark and some young children wouldn't be happy home alone at that time of night. I think the time of day is very relevant.

It's very easy for young DC to get spooked in the dark. You see plenty of threads from adults who don't like being home alone overnight because random noises unsettle them.

No. Mine are 11 and 9 and have just started leaving them from 4.15 to 5.30 once a week. Wouldn't leave them late at night!

@whatsyournamenow

I'm not sure why he time of day is relevant?

For my DS he gets scared when it's dark outside if he's on his own so it does make a difference