Child travelling for contact

[ohnonora]

I am going to be deliberately vague just so this is hopefully a balanced opinion you give.

Children aged 10 and 8.

Non resident parent lives 200 miles/ 4 hour drive (on a good Friday night run) away.

Contact is EOW.

AIBU in thinking it's unfair that the kids have to travel and the non resident parent should at least alternate between staying near the kids (financially and physically practical in their position) one weekend and month and the kids doing the travelling on the other weekend in the month?

Is it reasonable for the kids to travel nearly 10 hours round trip for less than 48 hours of contact?

Again, apologies for being vague!

@HugeAckmansWife it's a truly shitty situation isn't it? It's so frustrating for me because ironically without being too outing my ExH actually owns a hotel chain so he could easily stay in one local to us!

@MrsPussinBoots that's precisely what I wish would happen, if he could just see it's the kids who matter and not just what's convenient to him.

What gets me most is this is going to cost me ££££s in legal fees just to get him to see what most people would see is common sense!

@HugeAckmansWife

Who moved doesn't matter in the OPs scenario. She's talking about the kids travelling, not who does the driving. It's, easy to pass it between the parents but if there's a solution that means the kids don't have to travel too much, that's the one to pick

Of course relevant in terms of the parent that should make more sacrifice practically.

So the parent that moves away, if long distance travelling is causing problems for his children then he / she should adapt accordingly ie rent accommodation locally, hotel stays etc

You can't treat the children like this. They must be shattered. He needs to move back by you.

@Marmitecrackers

You can't treat the children like this. They must be shattered. He needs to move back by you.

Not that simple. He has a wife with kids who are in school where he lives and they share custody with the father.

I’m afraid OP you’re going to have to be the one to make the sacrifice.

Could you suggest that once a month he stays at yours and you arrange to stay at friend? Family?

Then means they one do it once a month.

atatadicted bit if it's the RP that moved away, then the children still have to travel under the 'who moved' approach. There can be very good reasons for such a scenario and if the nrp, out of choice, chose to only do eow contact, they should do the heavy lifting twice a month to save the kids having to do it.

I totally agree!

But he’s not going to and doesn’t have to.

So my point is... if it were me, I would suck up once a month inconvenience for the sake of my children.

And allow my ex to stay at my home so the children only had to do the wretched journey once a month

But OP has already said they are back by midday on Sunday because ex wants time with his other children, I suspect offering the house will be rejected.... I mean how dare the resident children lose daddy for one weekend a month.

Well In that case... represent view of children and if he still digs in heels in, nothing that can be done until children are if an age to vote with their feet.

It’s sad. It’s selfish. But sadly that’s how split families sometimes work out.

Hang on, so the ‘other children’ he wants to see at the expense of yours are his step children?

I’d stop them going. It’s mad to put children through that travel and the demands to not feed them.

He’s living in a dream world if he thinks contact time is about him.

@MeridianB

Hang on, so the ‘other children’ he wants to see at the expense of yours are his step children?

I’d stop them going. It’s mad to put children through that travel and the demands to not feed them.

He’s living in a dream world if he thinks contact time is about him.

Basically yes. I realise it sounds insane but unfortunately it's reality for us.

We are filing a court order for more formal arrangements and hoping that he will see sense if he employs a decent solicitor, although I don't hold out much hope!

Is your ex my ex? Literally this is the same situation. I have offered my house for contact, ive offered to at least part fund accommodation and he just says no because he only wants it the one way he can imagine it. The only reason we are a split family is because he fucked off with OW but everyone else has to dance to his tune. OP can we form a little club

For me, that’s simply too long for the kids to do eow. Not enjoyable at all. As they get a little older I can’t see them wanting to maintain that at all

@HugeAckmansWife yes I think we should form a club! Ah man, I can't believe there is more than one of these men on the planet!

Oh gosh so there are 3 sets of children involved in this mess? What a bloke to have caused so much carnage.

@Marmitecrackers

Oh gosh so there are 3 sets of children involved in this mess? What a bloke to have caused so much carnage.

Honestly if you had told me 12 years ago that this is how our relationship would end up, I would have been shocked. He genuinely showed no signs of being such an arsehole until we had our kids.

Essentially, without being major outing, he moved to live with the OW who had 2 sets of kids of her own, who's dads also now have step kids. It's genuinely just one big mess.

I am remarried now with an amazing DH who the kids and I are very lucky to have. We have a child of our own too. I just hope we provide enough stability to my DCs to compensate for the deranged logic they see on their paternal side.