AIBU to call my colleagues out on constantly spelling my name wrong?

[gretagreengrapes]

I started a new job about 8 weeks ago. Certain team members spell my name wrong on every email, despite it being in the email address, on rotas, telephone lists etc. I'm finding it a little rude and careless to be honest.

Think Tracey/Tracy, Clare/Claire... but with more than one letter difference, more Sean/Shaun.

AIBU to call them out on it, and how do I tell them?

I’m in a friendship group of three. Been friends for more than ten years. One of them spells the other’s first name wrong every single time despite her name being on the email or WhatsApp message. She also mispronounces my surname despite me saying it quite pointedly many times.

She’s a lawyer..

Hahahaha ‘wincing’, really?

I have one of the most common female names in the western world. It has multiple spelling options. I’m afraid one does not have to have an unusual name to have this experience.

Ugh, I feel your pain. This happens to both me and DS. My name has an -e which gets changed for an -a, DS is the reverse. My name is very unusual so I tend to be forgiving about it, even though it's infuriating (people say it wrong too - with a different variation) but for DS, his spelling is actually the correct, original spelling. However a 'new' (ie. incorrect) spelling seems to have become popular in America and has found its way back here and now everyone spells it that way and treats us as though we've used this wacky spelling when it's actually the RIGHT WAY TO SPELL IT. Drives me (and DS) crazy!

The other day I had to email his teacher about something and must have typed his name half a dozen times in the message and also in the subject line. The reply came back with at least as many mentions of his name, all spelt wrong! This is from his form tutor, who I think should have a responsibility to get all his class's names correct. I'd have been a bit more forgiving of a subject teacher who only sees him for an hour a week. This teacher had been very helpful about our issue, so I felt it would be churlish to correct him for a 'first offence', but I just don't get why they do it! Rationally I know it's just laziness/ them being in a rush / autocorrect, but it always feels so personal somehow, like they're implying you're the one who doesn't know how to spell it.

I would absolutely correct your colleagues, especially if it means you might not get emails or something. Can you find some excuse to send a 'Send to All' message about something else, and then before the sign-off just add something like, 'Btw I've noticed a couple of messages recently where I was referred to as 'Catherine'. Just wanted to check that everyone's records are correct please as I’m actually a 'Kathryn'. Sorry!' (Not that you actually have anything to apologise for of course, but it makes it seem more self-deprecating and therefore less likely to ruffle feathers if they're not the types to like being corrected!)

My name is Lorna and it's amazing how many people call me Laura and sometimes Lauren! If I've known them a while and they still do it, I respond in kind and call them a different name to their own with the same first letter. It generally works.

I have a Welsh name and have had to say something before.

Let's say I'm Eleri Jones and someone emails Elerie.Jones@org... I don't receive that email and work gets missed as a result. When that's happened I've eventually been copied into a chain with 'Elerie, why haven't you done X' and I've had to go back and say 'because you spelt my name wrong in the email asking me to do it I never received it - my email is Eleri.Jones@org...'

I have had it from external people before too - the dentist just can't master my name. At one point they had me down as 'Joney Ellery' so I wasn't receiving emails from them either!

When I ring people I haven't had emails from they tend to get arsey when I say 'have you definitely got my name right because I often miss emails as people get a letter wrong'.

I would be inclined to raise it at a team meeting and just flag that you're worried you'll miss emails if people get it wrong - it's Katharine not Catherine - and you don't want work to be missed as a result.

I have also had emails meant for other people named 'Eleri' before. I rented a home from an estate agents back in 2014 and they had another Eleri on their books who was buying a house with a group of friends.

I was copied into so many of the other Eleri's emails as part of that house purchase despite flagging it multiple times! Properly confidential stuff too like salary, deposit size, current address, employer etc. If I was the other Eleri I would have been furious.

I also worked somewhere with a Wales office with an Eleri and got lots of emails in Welsh intended for her. She got lots of my emails too but at least we were in the same organisation so could easily forward them on.

I get this but a slightly different thing, whereby people elongate my name and assume I am actually called the longer name (which I'm not). For example, my name is Kate and they randomly email me or call me on the phone and ask for Katherine. It's really annoying. I do call people out firmly but politely by just saying "actually it's Kate".

This happens to me frequently. I used to get annoyed and now I have decided to ignore it because they are clearly just thick

This. I even tried spelling their names in creative ways. That didn't work either (fun though).

Some of my colleagues do this with both parts of my name. I’ve worked with these people for 6 years, and they regularly have to write my name in emails and on documents.

The ones that do it are, I’m certain, being passive aggressive though. They aren’t very nice people. The decent human beings in the team have learned how to spell my name.

Spell their name wrong when you start the email. Someone did this with me a while back- a really obvious mis-spelling of a name that only has one spelling option- and it immediately made me check if I'd been spelling theirs right because it seemed such a weird mistake (I had been spelling their name correctly, as it turned out- it was a genuine mistake on their part).

I fear I've saddled my daughter with this issue. Her name is Liesl. Not common but not strange and we spelt it the traditional way. However there is a famous swimmer Leisel Jones whose spelling people are more familiar with. It's amazing how many people just don't check.

Reasonable to call them out, preferably speak to them (phone if wfh, in person if not).

Deliberate misspelling or mispronunciation is something often done by racists. Not that it is an issue here I expect, but I am sure they would not want to be accused of that were someone from an ethnic minority to join your work.

My name has multiple ways of spelling it but is in no way a "new name" that has unique ways of spelling it. I have had it spelt wrong by people for years which never bothered me enough to do anything about it until my current job where we all wear tshirts with out names embroidered on... every tshirt was spelt wrong, along with my email address, pc login and ID badge... that was an awkward conversation

This is why I wince when people call their kids names with unusual or difficult spellings.

I have a 4 letter, very common name that can be spelled one of two ways. It still gets spelled wrong on a regular basis. My kids have “unusual” names, so most people will check the spelling and get it right from then on...

What does bother me is people who cannot understand my last name is not the same as Dh/kids, and insist on calling me MRS DH, despite being corrected regularly and knowing that is not my last name, just refusing to accept i didn’t change my name.

I feel for you. I've spent my life with an unusual name that people seem unable to pronounce, let alone spell. It's not a modern name and there's quite a few people of my age group with it but people just can't manage it. It's very frustrating.

I think your mistake has been letting it go for 8 weeks. After they had done it twice I would have pointed out that they were wrong.

I've recently started at a new company and work with a Catherine and a Kathrin on the same project. I always ensure I write the correct name when writing to each.

I had someone in the past use entirely the wrong name, like Sandra for Sharon. He was responding to my emails, so goodness knows how he did it. And it was every time. I started to misspell his name.

Do not listen to anyone telling you to ignore it. You should have dealt with it earlier but doesn't matter. Just reply to email then end with, "Also, please note my name is spelt Katherine, not Cathryn."

Misspell their names when replying. They'll get the idea.

@SpaceOP

Do not listen to anyone telling you to ignore it. You should have dealt with it earlier but doesn't matter. Just reply to email then end with, "Also, please note my name is spelt Katherine, not Cathryn."

I agree with this OP. It’s annoying and really unprofessional, bordering on deliberately rude when it’s done all the time.

I went through a phase at my last workplace having to be very clear that the vv in my surname wasn’t actually a w. Mostly everything was done via fax, but it just wouldn’t get to me with the wrong name on it!

Ive corrected a colleague twice now and she's still adding an H to my name.

What can I do? It's not HR/line manager worthy but it's disrespectful AF.

Happymum12345

For goodness sake-it really doesn’t matter. Tell them directly if it upsets you so much, but surely there is more in life to get worked up over than this.

It's not for you to gaslight other people and tell them that what some random person who can't bother reading decides to call them rather than their own actual name is just fine - and that they are the unreasonable one for wanting to be called by their own name.

(I was tempted to refer to you as GrumpyDadABCDE to make a point, but I thought that would be disrespectful - even though it's your MN username and not your actual name).

i get this with my name a lot. I write back and correct them. Persistent offenders get their name spelt very obviously wrong in return.

I've had friends who can't spell my name properly, never mind colleagues.

Depends if you believe it is deliberate unkindness or if it's just a quirk.

Some people will always struggle with everyday names like Cath/Kath, Lily/Lilly, John/Jon. If they treat you well, I'd overlook it if your name is still readily recognisable. It's more... they like you; they just can't spell very well. (Tbh, I find it easier to overlook spelling errors than pronunciation errors. But, I try to apply the same rule.)

If they treat you poorly, the misnaming is likely a deliberate extension of their disregard for your feelings in general. Feel free to give those types of people similar attention to naming detail, when you communicate with them.

I've worked at my place 16 years. People still spell my name wrong - even though it's in bold at the bottom of emails, on Skype, Teams, my name badge.

FIL & his wife call me the wrong name altogether more often than not. I've been with DH almost 20 years. He's even tried to correct DH about my name. That was fun.