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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report MIL.

56 replies

JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 11:21

We're NC with MIL because she's evil. She's also a "therapist" - she offers "healing" of various kinds. She has no actual qualifications in anything that's in any way recognised by anyone. I'm not talking about hypnotherapy or aromatherapy or something "alternative" but with some surrounding evidence - I mean "I can talk to ghosts and ask them to remove your cancer" bullshit.
Now, MIL has a website where she advertises. She claims to have all these qualifications but it's things like "experienced in X" or "qualified to perform Y". She has a "Diploma in Suchnsuch" that her friend printed out for her. I think what she's doing is dangerous. She abused her children to the point that they're NC with her, she's a compulsive liar and very manipulative. She's also very money grabbing and uses people for money - she's been known to steal large amounts (thousands) from family members. She isn't DBS checked or insured and her business isn't registered. I also know she's paid in cash and also claiming jobseekers despite having this income.
I'm very worried that she'll victimise vulnerable people. I wouldn't be surprised if she were trying to manipulate or coerce money out of wealthy vulnerable people (especially men). I would also suspect that, especially with Covid, many people are afraid of going to NHS in case they catch Covid and so are seeking alternative treatments. If they believe what she's saying they could easily die from curable illnesses because they don't seek the proper help. I don't want her to get into trouble and I certainly don't want to be back in contact with her or too involved but it's nagging at me.
AIBU to report her? And, if I should report her, who do I even report her to? I don't think it's a criminal offence until someone actually gets hurt, the benefits fraud isn't the thing I'm really worried about, you can only report someone practising without a DBS check to their employer so self-employed people are off the hook (unless they actually commit another crime). Should I just butt out? I feel obliged to do something before someone gets hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 12:22

@crosspelican

Gosh. But I'm still sceptical. Lots of people have people on their £££ programs, but how many of those people actually paid the £££ and how many are there to give her a glowing testimonial when it's over? It's just that I know a self-professed witch doing something very similar, and I just don't buy for a MOMENT that all these people have actually handed over several thousand pounds to work with her.

But if someone IS handing over 3k for a 3 week healing program, they can afford it. And if they can't they're idiots, which isn't your problem.

Honestly, leave it be.

(She is such a classic "type" though! Is she anti-vaxx and COVID-is-a-government-hoax too?)

I think you and I could have a LONG conversation over a glass of wine about this "type" - they really must be all the same. Yes, she anti-vaxx but she's the opposite of thinking Covid is a hoax - she thinks she was patient zero (back in February) and almost died (never tested positive and never in hospital) and is still recovering wah wah wah. She doesn't believe in western medicine and claims to be "allergic" to medicine.
OP posts:
LyingDogsLie1 · 01/10/2020 12:22

I sometimes think the issue with NOT being qualified is you’re not accountable to anyone and so in situations such as this there’s no recourse.

BlueJava · 01/10/2020 12:26

Would a conversation with your local trading standards office help? You could point out that you don't believe she is making illegal claims on her site, but you are worried about vulnerable people.

MissConductUS · 01/10/2020 12:28

As a nurse, I've seen the incredible harm frauds like this do as people delay actual treatment in favor of this bollocks. Anything you can do to stop her would be great.

Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 12:35

I'll look into contacting trading standards and see what they can do.

OP posts:
MumChats · 01/10/2020 12:36

@HopeClearwater

a circle jerk situation

I wouldn’t use this phrase unless you are VERY sure of what it means ... Shock

It has 2 meanings - one is slang for an 'echo chamber' so it's fine!
SultanasofSwing · 01/10/2020 12:37

I completely understand why you don't like her, but I would query whether or not your motives in reporting her are to protect the public or for personal revenge. My advice would be to leave well alone. If you are NC, I don't know why you are even looking at her website.

lljkk · 01/10/2020 12:39

It reads like OP is stalking her & looking for ways to get revenge.
I don't care what you do, but I hope you do whatever for right reasons.

katy1213 · 01/10/2020 12:39

It is definitely illegal to make claims to cure cancer and the starting point for a complaint would be trading standards.

Patchworkpatty · 01/10/2020 12:41

Report the benefit fraud.. it will 'disrupt' assist in disrupting her dodgy practices and the investigation may well unearth actual evidence of further criminal activities related to her 'business'

This is my specific area of work. We use it all the time when evidence isn't always immediately obvious but suspected.

AllsortsofAwkward · 01/10/2020 12:47

I'm guessing youre talking about relki?

mumwon · 01/10/2020 12:47

another for HMRC & benefit fraud

SirGawain · 01/10/2020 12:47

@HopeClearwater

a circle jerk situation

I wouldn’t use this phrase unless you are VERY sure of what it means ... Shock

There is a non-sexual meaning which the OP is referring to.
QuimReaper · 01/10/2020 12:48

My cousin's wife does this crystal healing medium bullshit. It makes my blood boil. She's not even good at it like those really talented cold readers, she's as thick as two short planks and I haven't the faintest idea who goes to see her or why.

Your MIL must be very good to be making that kind of scratch though - are you sure it's 9 genuine people and they're genuinely paying £7K? Does she make high quality video content / have a big online presence etc.? My cousin's wife could never attract that kind of money as she can't spell and occasionally makes grainy videos for Facebook shot from foot height of herself sitting in her shed in her socks prattling incoherently on about crystals.

Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 12:49

"It reads like OP is stalking her & looking for ways to get revenge."
"I would query whether or not your motives in reporting her are to protect the public or for personal revenge."
In truth, I don't want to get involved. If I wanted revenge, I'd file a lawsuit for the money she stole or get my husband and SIL to report the historical abuse against them. I am getting to a stalking stage because there's something that just gets under my skin and I have that feeling that if I don't do something and someone gets hurt then I'll regret it - and I've tried shaking this feeling and I just can't. To an extent, I'm worried about MIL - I don't want her to end up in prison or in a difficult situation as that would be awful for family members that I do care about.
I just know that I'd feel responsible if I did nothing and something bad happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 12:55

@QuimReaper

My cousin's wife does this crystal healing medium bullshit. It makes my blood boil. She's not even good at it like those really talented cold readers, she's as thick as two short planks and I haven't the faintest idea who goes to see her or why.

Your MIL must be very good to be making that kind of scratch though - are you sure it's 9 genuine people and they're genuinely paying £7K? Does she make high quality video content / have a big online presence etc.? My cousin's wife could never attract that kind of money as she can't spell and occasionally makes grainy videos for Facebook shot from foot height of herself sitting in her shed in her socks prattling incoherently on about crystals.

I don't know if they're genuine people or that they're all paying. I know from her website that the course costs £3000 each and I know that there are photos of the nine of them doing the course - I don't have much more information than that. She does post a lot online - she has various social media profiles and a website. She has a twitter account where she posts a whole host of homophobic things and posts about abortion and working mothers blah blah blah. She's from a wealthy background and has a fair few wealthy friends. She's in her fifties but her friends are much older and usually widowed - which is why I'm concerned for their welfare. The paranoid voice in the back of my mind thinks she'll manipulate them into changing their will or handing over vast sums of money and then convince them to avoid medical help until they die - but that sounds crazy and is probably me being a bit hysterical.
OP posts:
HermioneMakepeace · 01/10/2020 13:20

If they’ve got the money to pay £3000 to this charlatan, then more fool them. I have no sympathy for them to be honest. There are enough poor people out there for whom that amount of money could be life-changing. If you’ve got £3000 to fritter away on a course then you don’t deserve sympathy.

I would stay out of it, OP.

Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 13:23

@HermioneMakepeace

If they’ve got the money to pay £3000 to this charlatan, then more fool them. I have no sympathy for them to be honest. There are enough poor people out there for whom that amount of money could be life-changing. If you’ve got £3000 to fritter away on a course then you don’t deserve sympathy.

I would stay out of it, OP.

I see your point. But if I were alone and had Stage 4 cancer (for example), I think I could convinced to take out a £3000 loan if I thought I could be healed. If my child were sick (touch wood), I'd sell everything I own (and beg, borrow and steal) to get any money to pay anyone who I thought could help (whether or not I'd be stupid for thinking that they could).
OP posts:
Devlesko · 01/10/2020 13:24

Are you sure she hasn't done some courses through centre of excellence.
They have Diplomas in all sorts of things that you could claim, and they issue certificates.
Really it's up to her clients to check her qualifications, Cancer doesn't remove you of this facility.
You sound very invested in someone you have nc with, just keep your trunk out, she's nothing to do with you now.

ChrisPrattsFace · 01/10/2020 13:36

So let me get this right... you, must be my sister in law, because this is my MIL all over.
Although I could report her because it’s slightly different, I’m too scared it would lead back to me and I couldn’t cope with the uproar 😂

jackstini · 01/10/2020 13:45

You should report her to HMRC if nothing else
Just send them a link to her website with the prices and the images of people on the course

Does she have any 'testimonies' on her website??

Original poster
JunkCrumpet · 01/10/2020 13:46

@ChrisPrattsFace

So let me get this right... you, must be my sister in law, because this is my MIL all over. Although I could report her because it’s slightly different, I’m too scared it would lead back to me and I couldn’t cope with the uproar 😂
Sounds like we're in the same situation. It's awful isn't it - like waiting for a car crash.
OP posts:
fassbendersmistress · 01/10/2020 13:46

I understand your concern but I think you need to butt out and let other grown ups be grown ups and so their research and make their own choice about using MILs services. You have emotional involvement in this, don’t let that drive you down this road. You can’t possibly save every numbnuts who parts with cash for her advice or “healing” and you bear no responsibility for any adult who is duped by her.

MJMG2015 · 01/10/2020 13:54

@HopeClearwater

a circle jerk situation

I wouldn’t use this phrase unless you are VERY sure of what it means ... Shock

The 'men standing in a circle jerking off' is a very dated use of the term

This is a more modern useage
'A group discussion or activity between like-minded individuals that validates mutual biases or goals in a non-confrontational environment.

ChrisPrattsFace · 01/10/2020 13:56

The worst part for me OP is that she tries to link her ‘profession’ and business to me - she’s incorrectly doing/providing this service she actually knows very little about and mentions me in it every time. You know, because I paid the money and got qualified and pay my professional fees.

I’m ignoring her the very very very VERY best I can (murder is illegal) so I hope you can too!