For not pushing my son to achieve?

[ComeOnEileen11]

My son is not yet in formal education and I'm not forcing it on him while he's so young. I'm on maternity leave with child 2 so I play with him a lot - whatever he wants - trains, his farm, his zoo, stacking, books, outside with his balance bike, the sand etc. I some times steer him towards a toy that we can do counting with, or shapes etc but not in any specific early years foundation scheme manner. He's not speaking in sentences yet, but not through lack of trying. I try and put speech in everything.
His cousin is 6 months older and light years ahead. SIL is very geared towards achievement and has made a few comments that I'm not pushing my son enough. Her daughter is a very clever little girl and I have no doubts will do extremely well in life. As I'm sure my son will, at his own pace. MIL also points out quite passive aggressively that that I'm not doing enough with my son.
I think I am. Yes, I let him choose story books for us to reas instead of books for him to learn information from. But surely his years of formal education are enough for that? I read a lot and I've always considered that letting them choose their own material is the way to begin a love of reading. Should I be pushing him more? Should I be actively working on phonics before he can speak?
I'd be grateful if any early years teachers can point me in the right direction.
AIBU to let him enjoy being 2 before he begins actual education? (He does go to nursery for two days per week).

YANBU - no one needs to push, 'achievement' at 2.5 means nothing, it really isn't important.

Nope you're doing the right thing. Mine are now 17 & 16 and although I encourage them I've never pushed them. They both know that their education is theirs for the taking and they will get out what they put in.

In my experience girls tend to develop language skills more easily at a younger age. You are doing all the right things. From my experience girls who are early starters do not always maintain the lead.

He’s 2 so l vote let him do his thing. His cousin maybe be 6 months older but that is so much older in comparison at that age. I’m really not a fan of hot housing children, your MIL / SIL should chill out

Agree totally, for goodness sake he is 2! Let him enjoy playing and reading books with you. That is all children that age need. And that wonderful time with them really doesn't last that long

Ignore the comments. Goodness if they are like this now, what will happen when the children are at school.

I think you will have to develop a strategy for dealing with the competitive women in the family, they aren't going to affect your son, but they will wear you down.

Sorry I wasn't exactly clear of the age of your son. Is he 2? In which case absolutely don't stress. Don't measure him against a 6.month older child either.

If you are playing and talking to your child. Getting them out and about for new experiences (feeding ducks, park, shop etc) . Then no worries.

You've said he goes to nursery - they would also flag concerns with you.

I did everything with son 1.....with son 3 we did staying in, school runs, sleeping, and some seeing friends. It has made no difference to them in terms of development.

Not at all. Every child develops at different rates. Lots of children who appear "advanced" at age 2 won't be by age 5 or 6. If it's any consolation, my brother was bottom of the class until about age 13 but ended up going to Oxford!

Too young to be worrying about this, so long as he has plenty of stimulation. This is about the parents not the kids.
One if the hardest things for me has been knowing when to push the kids and when to leave them be, it's a balance between making sure they're doing their best and still enjoying school/learning/sports or whatever it is. Save your energy for the homework arguments!

So he's only two? I'd say follow his interests at this point. You risk turning them off reading etc if you push too much too soon. Also, six months is huge! That's a quarter of his lifespan if he's only just two. Mine is 2 years, 3 months and now speaks in full sentences but was on one or two word blocks three months ago. Its not surprising his cousin is ahead of him.

😂 at your SIL! No, don’t push your son. Let him explore the world at his own rate. He’ll develop at his own rate plus, taking a long term view, if you let him develop his own work ethic with regards to learning then he’ll naturally work hard (probably) without having to have Pushy Mum constantly on his back. I’d feel sorry for his cousin tbh. That level of pressure can lead to very unhappy children and a lifetime of feeling like a failure. Do your own thing and start making PA comments about how controlling she is “SIL, you’re just very lucky that X doesn’t mind being to,d to do all the time. DS is just so independent. It’s really lovely to see in someone so young” 😉

I think stories and reading to your children are one fo the most important things "to do" at that age. Id vote playing for everything else definitely. Enjoy being 2.

There's a reason educators like play-based learning too. It works, but also playing with small toys helps dextrrity that will help with pencil grip, they get to explore how things work themselves - early science! Etc etc.

The work of the child is play (attributed to lots of people. )

I had a friend like your SIL. I remember her fretting that her 3 yr old could only recognise a few 2 letter words, but their twin could read and write them all. My twins of the same age could barely recognise the initial letter of their own name! Fast forward 12 years and there’s no noticeable difference. All 4 children are high achievers at school.

Don’t worry, trust the school, and let your child be 2.

I really dont like people pushing their children to be ahead of their peers academic development. I dont think it really helps them in the long run and I think they overlook other important lessons like being a kind, caring person, socialising, independence.
I'd just keep telling them that's it's silly to compare the children and you'd never dream of doing the same if the tables were turned. Your son has plenty of time to shine yet.

'Pushing' and 'forcing' are not good way to educate a child and help them grow. It does not work in teaching either. You just get the opposite result of what you are trying to achieve.

I would also stay away from the smug parents who think their little darling is the next Einstein.

Guide, encourage, motivate and give your kids a good example of what a well-rounded human being is but don't force, bully or push.

Work around is individual interests and strengths. He will be a much happier person for it.

Kids should be able to enjoy their childhood and develop their own imagination.

The pushy parents are often push not because they have the child's best interest at heart but simply because they want to be able to boast about their trophy kid and validate themselves...

If you teach a child too many phonics etc then they’ll be bored at school. There was a thread on here a week ago where a poster was complaining that her dc was in reception learning phonics when he already knew them.

If you want to push back at the comments then how about- “We’re focussing on soft skills rather than academia” “We don’t want him to be bored at school” “we’re following a Scandinavian style play based education” “Child centred learning has been proven to be best for long term development, so we’re reading about dinosaurs”.

Or you could just ignore them. You’re not just doing fine, I think you’re doing better than your sil. It’s often counter productive to push academia too young.

SIL will be sitting at the dining room table with an 18 year old to do their A level homework and when they get to the great uni they have spent a lifetime planning for, they will fall apart because they have never done anything on their own.

You are doing everything you need to @ComeOnEileen11, leave the in laws to it and you do you.

He's 2? I REALLY wouldn't worry! Your relatives are mad..! I honestly don't know how anyone can push a 2 year old to do anything other then what they want to do...🤣
Relax, have fun. Even if he was 4, what you are doing - playing, engaging with him, reading story books to him, following his lead etc - would still be totally fine!

I was you, DSis was your SIL. She even berated me for not planning to avoid an August baby. There is about 12 months between DS and his cousin, he was pushed into chess, tuition and numerous other things to 'develop him'. My nephew is now a neurotic, very average, unconfident pre-teen. DS is a bright, bubbly, happy and confident pre-teen on a sports scholarship. Ignore her and carry on as you are

If it was my MIL (hypothetical as my MIL never did this) I would come out with 'well he conducts his own symphony with his BFF we didn't want to push him to hard' or 'isn't him asking for juice in Latin not good enough'

At 2, my son wasn't taking a lot either. I like to think it was because we understood each other so well, he didn't need words. There were lots of comments from my DM about how little he was saying and comparisons with me at the same age etc etc.

Somehow he still managed to get a Cambridge degree and is buying his first house, aged 27. One of his favourite things is public speaking...
If you possibly can, nip the comparisons in the bud now and trust your own instincts as a parent. It sounds like you are doing a great job.

I used to work as an EYP (now called Early Years Teacher) I never pushed DS1 as a toddler, he went to nursery 2 mornings a week but apart from that we went to the playground, swimming, and he played with his toys. The only 'formal' things I did with him was read stories and do baking together. I chose a pre-school that did lots of practical things (eg, use real tools at forest school, use china plates instead of plastic).

(we did practise the random 'get a raisin of a bottle' thing before his two year check though!)

If the goal is for him to be ahead of his peers in Yr then you're not doing enough, if your priority is his long term development, happiness and love if reading/learning then crack on as you are.

At 2, there is no rush, but the attitude from some that there is no need to ever push your kids as ‘happiness means is more important. Do people think that being an underachiever due to parents lack of motivation really makes them ‘happy’ in later life when they struggle.

No YADNBU!! You’re doing exactly the right thing. In my opinion kids all level out as they grow. I’d tell Mil to keep her sticky beak out, what you’re doing is spot on.

Didn’t you post this almost word for word some time ago? I remember reading a very similar thread. Apologies if it wasn’t you but the writing style is similar and I’m almost certain it’s the exact same wording.