To delay an IVF transfer to wait for a September due date?

[Snowdayfet]

Hi - would preface this by saying I know this is a very privileged question, so I apologise in advance if people find it trivial or upsetting (those going through infertility treatment may want to give this post a miss).

I have DS (almost 4) and DD (almost 2), both conceived through IVF. We have decided to have one more child, and we have one PGS tested embryo left in the freezer so a good probability of success although of course not guaranteed. We are all ready to go in terms of getting ourselves back into clinic etc, so now the question is whether we transfer next cycle, this would give us a transfer in November, and therefore - all being well - a due date of early August.

One of my friends pointed out that it might be better to wait and transfer to give a September due date as apparently this is better for schools etc. This sounded good, until I realised the flipside is that would be to give a 3 year school gap between my DD and this potential baby which feels logistically more awkward. So: which would you do?

YANBU - yes it’s better to have a September born despite the bigger school year gap
YABU - much better to have them closer in school years, August born isn’t a problem

I'm surprised about that research for Summer borns. 3 family members with schizophrenia/bipolar/depression here, all Autumn/Winter born. I agree with what a PP said about expectations for older children in the year group too.

I’ve got two summer born babies (late may and early June) and my son whilst he’s caught up now he’s in year 5 he definitely struggled and was very anxious for the first few years of school. It wasn’t good at all.

My daughter is an early September baby and will be one of the oldest if not the oldest in the school year and I’m so relieved about this. She will be a lot more prepared and emotionally secure for school.

Sorry forgot to add YANBU I’d delay.

I voted for sept but if I was you I would opt for an Oct birth as you may give birth prematurely.
Also, I hope it works out but having had frozen embroy cycle pl be aware that even blastocysts are not guaranteed success.

Just wanted to post this research linking schizophrenia to Winter/Early Spring births as this was reflected accurately in my family:
schizophrenia.com/prevention/season.html
Like you are planning, I had 3 IVF babies and tried as much as possible to avoid a winter birth because of family history of MH.

In theory of say if you Def want an older on the year, aim for an Oct birth as that covers a 37 week delivery.
However what are cases like there? What's access like to clinics if lockdown happens?

Definitely delay if you want them to be a footballer, especially a defender.

@Legit

Of course a 3 school years gap is much more difficult logistically than a gap of 2 school years. An extra year of having 1 child at home and the older one at school. Of having children at different schools. Of having one still at home when the others have left home.

Well yeah but on other hand you don’t get GCSEs and A levels at same time, or two at uni at same time (unless gap years). Swings and roundabouts.

Personally, I would rather have a two-year school gap with an August-born child than a three-year gap with a September born child. But there will be benefits and drawbacks to both, depending on your set-up and the individual child.

I have September-born children (twins), and I'm very glad they're not two weeks older because they are both very slight physically. I enjoyed having the 'extra' year at home with them too (though the finances of a September baby rather than an August one may be something to factor in). But my mid-year elder child has always seemed more 'ready' for things, because of her personality or her status in the family, or both. I'm a summer-born with good exam results/degree etc. I found school easy and always felt very lucky to be slightly 'ahead of the game' age-wise. I suppose these anecdotes are a long way of saying it's all individual (though I'm not disputing the research evidence).

In your situation though, I think the possibility of clinics closing again and ending up with a much bigger gap would be the decisive factor and I'd go for earlier. I wish you luck whatever you decide.

@SarahAndQuack

I'd avoid the three year gap if it were me. Pure anecdata, but I know a family whose children are all spaced at three year intervals, and I think it's a really difficult gap - the older child is just old enough to really mind a sibling being around, but not old enough to be past the 'threenager' stage.

OP is talking about a one month difference in the potential age of her children, not a one year gap.

Oops! Thank you. Sorry, I'm so slow this morning.

If you do have an august baby you can request a reception start at compulsory school age. I was going to do this with my July born but we ended up moving to Scotland so he started at 5 anyway. This is easy or difficult depending where you live though!

Well, my September born Ds was a blooody nightmare at school. I ended up having to home Ed for most of
Primary as he was just ‘too young’ and not mature enough or emotionally ready when he started - it ruined it for him. So much for the educational jackpot of a September baby! (He’s 18 now and distinctly average).

I just had another baby at the end of August. She was due Sept 14th but I had unforeseen complications and an early c section.

So you can never tell.

Plus you could always hold back a year.

@Snowdayfet may I just ask, were both your children from PGS tested embryos and did it happen for you first time with both? We have just had our first child with a pgs tested embryo which worked first time and I'm wondering if it's likely we might be lucky enough next time we try with our next pgs tested embryo or if it could take a few tries? Thanks

I would go for it now. you can defer summer born kids now for school, so not an isdue anymore anyway

IVF is so hit and miss I think you'd be foolish to delay. It well might not work

@FourPlasticRings

YANBU. I'd delay. Summer borns are more likely to suffer depression and anxiety, even in adulthood, more likely to be diagnosed with SEN... It can be a considerable disadvantage, particularly with the new curriculum.

Do you have a source for these claims? I have lots of teachers in my family and friendship group and have never heard anything of the sort.

@022828MAN already posted upthread x

Yes I would delay if it's literally a matter of waiting a month.

I would consider delaying in this instance because I would expect the school year you're aiming for if you have an August baby will be quite full due to the covid baby boom. Being an August baby and in a bigger class size might not be ideal... Depends on the child really and obviously you won't know that until they arrive!

I was an August baby. Smashed all my gcses my November born brother didn't get half the grades I did. Loved being an August child never had school on my birthday. I would personally say go for it now as given a few more weeks you don't know what procedures will be stopped if covid picks up.

I would wait. My DS has just started school nursery. He's a winter baby, and the difference between the winter babies and the summer born ones is startling. The difference between being only just three, and nearly four is massive when starting school is massive.

I have PCOS, don't ovulate and would still have avoided TTC in October-December.

And just personally, as a summer born, academically I was fine, but being 18 almost 10 months after my mates was shit

I think you can defer the year they start school can't you if they'll be one of the youngest. So if the baby was premature you could always consider that option.

You can usually defer.... but then they go straight into Year 1 I think, apart from a VERY few local authorities. You usually can't just delay starting Reception.

I think I would be more concerned covid would cause even more delays and would rather get started earlier rather than later.