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AIBU?

to not want his friend to move in

243 replies

cherrybun01 · 29/09/2020 19:25

hi all,

being told I'm unfeeling apparently but I really dont think I am, however of course I could be being biased due to previous experience and lack of sleep!

me and dh have a 9 month old. we live in a 2 bed apartment of okay size, with kitchen, 1 bathroom and a front room plus the 2 bedrooms. my partners friend has asked him if he can move in. I have said no for the following reason:

  • the room he would occupy is my babys nursery and is going to be my office space when I go back to work soon, temporarily. baby currently sleeps in our room. I wouldnt want a lodger in our babies nursery anyway as all their play things are in there, without the fact it's going to be where all my office things are.


I have been argued that we could put babies things elsewhere and that my office area will only be taking a corner and friend could use the rest of the space

  • we lived briefly with this friend before a few years ago when we didnt have a baby and I hated it. became very much a lad house, with fifa constantly and beers and me generally feeling like a third wheel in my own home. so naturally I'm not keen on our family home potentially becoming like this again. feels unfair on me and our baby.


  • said friend is an avid weed smoker who last time completely stunk his room out with it. I cannot think of anything worse than this smell being in my babies future room.


  • I turned my own brother down for similar reasons some months ago.


I have been told I am unfair, unfeeling and that I am loosing us 200 pound a month he would give us. we dont need the money. his friend wont let it drop, keeps asking dh to try and persuade me. I had hoped no would of been enough but apparently not!

AIBU?
OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1595 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
0%
You are NOT being unreasonable
100%
gamerchick · 29/09/2020 20:24

@cherrybun01

he is very much a people pleaser and does worry what his friends think of him. said friend has been known to take the piss before. he is also friends with my brother in law (dh brother) and has caused problems in his relationship previously by turning up uninvited every evening which is no exaggeration.

friend is really turning it up a notch this time telling my dh he will be homeless etc. even though he has family and other friends who live down here. we are the only ones who have a baby as well

Tell your bloke he's welcome to pack his bags and fuck off into the sunset with this friend of his and they can live together and if he asks again you'll pack them for him.
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monkeymonkey2010 · 29/09/2020 20:26

WELL...YOU GOT 100% YANBU! [GRIN] [GRIN]

show him this thread.....and this is the only time i'd recommend this - then change your username afterwards!

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SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 29/09/2020 20:26

No! Why would this even be a discussion? Your OH sounds like a knob as well.

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Peachy1381 · 29/09/2020 20:28

Tell him its a hard no OP and tell him to stop asking. The reasons should be bloody obviouss. What a blag he and you DH sound. Stay strong.

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Peachy1381 · 29/09/2020 20:29

Also I've never seen one of the these be 100% before. Unprecidented.

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TheLoveOfMoney · 29/09/2020 20:30

Just say no. Keep saying no. It's your home you get a say, and no no no.

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mbosnz · 29/09/2020 20:33

I'd be telling him that if he pleases his friend, he displeases me. Displeasing me will impact on his quality of life a hell of a lot more, than displeasing his moocher of a mate. I could guarantee it. Because I would make sure of it.

His priority now is supposed to be his family - that's his child and the mother of his child. Mates aren't even on the richter scale.

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MrsMoastyToasty · 29/09/2020 20:34

...and go on and on about how your DC is a dreadful sleeper and cries for hours, has really stinky nappies and likes to projectile vomit....

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areyoubeingserviced · 29/09/2020 20:35

No no no
If his friend moves in you move out
Your dh is putting his mates needs above your own.

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RelaisBlu · 29/09/2020 20:37

You have so many good reasons to say no, any one of them would have been enough by itself. Why does your DH care more about his friend than his wife & baby?

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Jigglypuffler · 29/09/2020 20:37

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I wonder why he can't ask his other friends/family if they're close by? Are they all refusing as well? If not, why so adamant to lodge at yours?

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Fluffycloudland77 · 29/09/2020 20:40

Your dh needs to grow a pair, he’s been picked by the friend because he’s open to manipulation. He’s weak.

He is being very unfair to you.

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Schoolisback1973 · 29/09/2020 20:41

You're putting your baby first! May be your husband should do the same.
A married couple with a baby, sharing with a single weed smoking guy equals disaster to me!
I bet you won't be able to get him out once he is in!
No, no! To the hell no!!

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HelpOrHindrance · 29/09/2020 20:43

First time to see 100%
No is a full sentence!
200 quid is fuck all
Three babies to look after
FIFA
Noise

If pushed, I suggest you sleep in the nursery and let the men sleep in the same bed. See if he likes that

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tiredybear · 29/09/2020 20:44

ha, i think this is the first poll I've seen on MN with a 100% YANBU.
That says it all.
Actually, 'NO' should say it all. what a cheeky pushy fucker!
DO NOT BACK DOWN.

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SuitedandBooted · 29/09/2020 20:47

No. It's not even a discussion. You need the space to work ,and your baby needs a room , and a home with clean air.

He can go and rent a room with other adults who don't have babies, or move in with family.

Send him this:
www.spareroom.co.uk/

I expect the main reason is that proper rents would be more than £200, and he would have less cash for drugs! If your DH supports this, I would move out. I couldn't live with such an immature people pleaser, who puts his mates before his wife and child.

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DrinkFeckArseGirls · 29/09/2020 20:49

I’m having palpitations thinking about it Shock
Your DH is a dumbass. Not very eloquent of me but I’m lost for words!

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RubyViolet · 29/09/2020 20:49

No. He’s a cuckoo.
You cannot risk lockdown with this loser in your flat. No !
Your partner needs to grow up and protect his family, put you and his child first.
Just No !

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AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 29/09/2020 20:51

Ha. Fuck NO. You are definitely not being unreasonable, your partner on the other hand is a bellend.

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KitchenConfidential · 29/09/2020 20:51

Hell the fuck no.
I am genuinely concerned that you’re having to argue this one with your partner.

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Sunnydayhere · 29/09/2020 20:53

Don’t encourage him to come over for evening drinks either.

He’ll decide its too late, he’s too pissed, its cold etc etc and will end up staying over on your sofa.

Bingo - before you know it he’s moved in.

You’re having a hard time having you response of NO being accepted - this is nothing compared to getting rid of him once he gets his feet under the table.

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Littlefrog99 · 29/09/2020 20:54

Just no. I'd be telling the friend myself if he didn't drop the matter he'd no longer be welcome in my home at all.

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ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 29/09/2020 20:55

No. No, no, no.

Tell your DH his loyalty should be to you and your happiness, not his mate.

Tell him if you two couldn't survive without a lodger, it STILL wouldn't be his mate.

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mineofuselessinformation · 29/09/2020 20:57

I'd tell DH that his 'friend' will never cross your threshold again, for any reason - and mean it.

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lasangoles · 29/09/2020 21:00

£200 a month! I pay more than that to my own dad!

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